Guest viewing is limited
- You have a limited number of page views remaining
- 2 guest views remaining
- Register now to remove this limitation
Advice: court welfare reporter and allegations
- Thread starter Tobebestdadpossible
- Start date
Hey Fabio78. I appreciate what you are going through as still not got access to my kids. Worst of all child protection and social services have confirmed there was no evidence of any wrong doing. There was a a really good post that someone else wrote about how they could not go the shops during the day because they saw families together or could not look at the kids pictures. That is also basically me.
Anyway over the last couple of months I have had a lot of time to think. Actually had little else. Someone recommended me the book 10% happier by Dan Harris. What made it interesting is that it talks about your inner self and what you can control. I have actually found it really useful. There is so much great advice on here about legally what can be done but we also need to remember to manage ourselves through this challenging period. Sadly we can't control what our ex does but hopefully we can understand ourselves better and how we can manage each day. That is what I am trying to do at the moment as it goes through the courts as sadly little I can influence.
Anyway over the last couple of months I have had a lot of time to think. Actually had little else. Someone recommended me the book 10% happier by Dan Harris. What made it interesting is that it talks about your inner self and what you can control. I have actually found it really useful. There is so much great advice on here about legally what can be done but we also need to remember to manage ourselves through this challenging period. Sadly we can't control what our ex does but hopefully we can understand ourselves better and how we can manage each day. That is what I am trying to do at the moment as it goes through the courts as sadly little I can influence.
and this is me too. I just came back from a walk, exactly to take care of me, just some fresh air.... but I had to come back home, for I am not going to exaggerate if I tell you that I started to feel pain, physically, in my heart, as soon as I started to seeing all the fathers with their children outside. I had a military education, I am solid, and mentally strong... but it is being challenging. And do not get me wrong, I was expecting the divorce to be challenging, obviously, what I wasn't expecting is the mother of my children being that evil, and acting against their wellbeing. And what I was not expecting is the system supporting her, despite the truth is in front of everyone's eyes! The more I think about it, the more I regret that I did the famous "right thing". "Right" for who? For the lawyers' pockets, probably!!! I regret I got divorced, despite the toxic environment that we had in the house. But at least I was near my children. And no matter how many books I can read, I will always be haunted by this regret.
Well, anyway, thanks for your message, it is truly touching in this hard moment. I do appreciate. Thanks a lot!
Last edited:
I don't think that's a good idea Fabio. It will count against you in court. It'll be classed as "conflict between parents" and they'll give the children to the Mother then. And it's hard to prove. Courts just see parents making allegations as parents fighting instead of focusing on the kids.
I see.... thanks. One more absurdity, by the way.... she can easily obtain - through false allegations - not to be contacted*, even if the children are with her; while the person who is actually being the victim cannot even complain.... wow....
* Three weeks ago, in fact, I received a letter from her lawyer asking me not to call her or not to approach her because I was being aggressive. It’s hard to understand how the hell could I have been aggressive, though, since at that time we haven’t seen each other and talked in over a month! Nevertheless, as always she obtained what she wanted! Absurd!!!
Last edited:
I totally get you though because it's hell and it is emotional abuse. IME police, social services etc just see this as post separation stuff that happens all the time - they are powerless if the kids are with a parent and would just tell you to apply to court.
I am very sorry to hear that. It's probably because they can see you have a hearing listed in September. Were there no directions issued at all? Did the solicitor ask for the urgent hearing or did you send it yourself? It was worth a try.
You will just have to hope she doesn't move the kids before schools start in September.
At this stage I would bend over backwards to try and get any time at all agreed with the kids and send very polite courteous communications. Although you've been told not to contact her or she'll claim harrassment.
So you'll need to rely on this solicitor sending a letter to her solicitor saying she must allow you to see the children and a proposal for dates.
You will just have to hope she doesn't move the kids before schools start in September.
At this stage I would bend over backwards to try and get any time at all agreed with the kids and send very polite courteous communications. Although you've been told not to contact her or she'll claim harrassment.
So you'll need to rely on this solicitor sending a letter to her solicitor saying she must allow you to see the children and a proposal for dates.
Well, I did both. I write to the court, as you suggested, but also I prepared the form with the solicitor and sent yesterday. Today we received the answer. And no directions! This is absurd!
But this is not all!!! In the meantime also her lawyer wrote me with more allegations (that during the calls with my kids I am talking with them about legal matters! My kids are 4!!!!!! It would be a funny conversation, really!) and even blackmailing me (if I don't authorize the kids to go to the new schools, the mother will be forced to home mentoring them! How? She has a full time job!!!!).
This is getting nastier and nastier, when I just thought I was doing the best for my kids! How much disappointed and repented I am!!!
You're going to be reliant on solicitor negotiations until the hearing. Yours needs to write back emphatically denying such allegations and stating that she must allow you to see the children as before.
The positive I can see in that is, ex knows she can't change the schools without your consent. The obvious answer is - the children should continue to return to their current school in September as the court has not yet determined the issue of who they will live with and where they will go to school and she must recommence the children seeing you immediately with the previous schedule of school nights as before.
If she is actually considering home schooling them then that suggests she will move - and do it in the evenings. Logically of course, you could do it!
It's a nightmare situation having to wait for a hearing after schools go back in September.
I would suggest also that your solicitor asks if she will go to further mediation to discuss the matter as something needs to be resolved in the best interests of the children. She'll probably just refuse though.
The fact is, the PSO being cancelled allows her to move the kids - but doesn't allow them to start a new school.
The positive I can see in that is, ex knows she can't change the schools without your consent. The obvious answer is - the children should continue to return to their current school in September as the court has not yet determined the issue of who they will live with and where they will go to school and she must recommence the children seeing you immediately with the previous schedule of school nights as before.
If she is actually considering home schooling them then that suggests she will move - and do it in the evenings. Logically of course, you could do it!
It's a nightmare situation having to wait for a hearing after schools go back in September.
I would suggest also that your solicitor asks if she will go to further mediation to discuss the matter as something needs to be resolved in the best interests of the children. She'll probably just refuse though.
The fact is, the PSO being cancelled allows her to move the kids - but doesn't allow them to start a new school.
How long till the hearing now? I think your solicitor needs to be firm and say the children must be allowed to recommence schooling at their current school in September, and to see their Father as usual, until the court has determined the issue at the next hearing.
Because your ex has a solicitor she will be using every dirty trick in the book and fighting your ex's corner, as her client - rather than being child focused. So your solicitor should also make mention that the childrens best interests are the priority here, they have two parents and she must not withold the children or prevent them going back to their current school.
They will probably say - she's moving so they can't go back to their current school. Your solicitors response should be - well they should remain with the Father until the next hearing then.
Because your ex has a solicitor she will be using every dirty trick in the book and fighting your ex's corner, as her client - rather than being child focused. So your solicitor should also make mention that the childrens best interests are the priority here, they have two parents and she must not withold the children or prevent them going back to their current school.
They will probably say - she's moving so they can't go back to their current school. Your solicitors response should be - well they should remain with the Father until the next hearing then.
Yes, I rely on that. But they keep answering with false allegation, and the all conversation is about they say something that is a lie, and we answer back with evidence that they are lying (eg. My lawyer wirte: They should spend 50% of the time with the father" Their reply: "no, the father agreed they would stay the entire summer with the mother" reply of my solicitor: "this is the message where the mother agreed with the father about 50/50) . But it is a trench warfare which is leading no where! At least in terms of my goals, which is, seeing the kids!
Last edited:
It's a kind of pressure that might have some effect. If yours writes back saying this will not look good for your client at the hearing in September when the court hears she has witheld the children from the Father when there are categorically no welfare issues, as established by Cafcass (that's the case isn't it?). And she must now allow the children to see their Father and expect this to happen this week-end. The children should not be put in the middle of parental disagreement over schools and how much time with each parent and the court will determine this matter in September.
I'd also get them to add that social services recommended the children spend 3 to 4 nights a week with the Father and if this is not happening there are concerns.
Just to alarm them a bit that you might get social services investigating if she keeps the kids away.
I'd also get them to add that social services recommended the children spend 3 to 4 nights a week with the Father and if this is not happening there are concerns.
Just to alarm them a bit that you might get social services investigating if she keeps the kids away.
I see, thanks!
I honestly don't understand how all these agencies involved do not see something so clear, that she is acting maliciously and absolutely out of spite, using the kids. For example, talking about the wellbeing of the kids is she really suggesting that home mentoring the kids is going to be better than letting them continue their school, with the professor and the friends they have since always? All this just to spite me? Well, this is insane!!!! How many other proofs do people need???
I honestly don't understand how all these agencies involved do not see something so clear, that she is acting maliciously and absolutely out of spite, using the kids. For example, talking about the wellbeing of the kids is she really suggesting that home mentoring the kids is going to be better than letting them continue their school, with the professor and the friends they have since always? All this just to spite me? Well, this is insane!!!! How many other proofs do people need???
It’s the legal system - solicitors . Courts are overloaded. Ex’s take advantage.
I suspect when the court overruled the PSO it was so she could go away on holiday in the summer (ie take the kids out of the region) but not move their schools - in other words letting her know if she did move before the hearing she couldn’t take the kids with her.
But by getting the PSO overturned her solicitor is playing the - well kids have to go to school card.
Better she gone schools then till the hearing than starts them at a new school as easier to get them back again.
Worst case scenario is the courts will say they can live with her and see you every other week end.
I suspect when the court overruled the PSO it was so she could go away on holiday in the summer (ie take the kids out of the region) but not move their schools - in other words letting her know if she did move before the hearing she couldn’t take the kids with her.
But by getting the PSO overturned her solicitor is playing the - well kids have to go to school card.
Better she gone schools then till the hearing than starts them at a new school as easier to get them back again.
Worst case scenario is the courts will say they can live with her and see you every other week end.
But stick to your guns over the kids remaining where they should be.
The issue is though - they haves two parents and if they live at a distance then they give them to the one parent (usually the mother) and do every other week end and half holidays with the other - or shared care and extra holidays if you’re lucky.
The issue is though - they haves two parents and if they live at a distance then they give them to the one parent (usually the mother) and do every other week end and half holidays with the other - or shared care and extra holidays if you’re lucky.