Will my son forget me

[ryan111]

Hello

Ive had no contact with my son since oct ive been in his life since he was 4 everyday until the ex thrown her toys

Im going though the court im wondering what the relationship will be like when we do have time together.
Im terrified in a couple of months he would of forgot me

We had a great relationship hes still 4 but not seen him now in 5 months

Any one had any experience
Thansk

 

[mva]

I didn’t see my sons for 7 months when they were 7&8. It was the worst experience of my life and left me mentally very unwell. When I did see my sons one ran up and hugged me crying and the other seemed confused about his brothers tears but relaxed.

Your son will remember you and will be happy that another adult is so interested in them and fussing over them. He will still have memories of your time together even if buried in his subconscious. At 4 he will struggle to articulate that he missed you , as they live in the moment. But don’t be terrified you have a bond that’s strong it just will need to be rekindled.

 

[Resolute]

Mine was 4 when all this started. Memories from being 4 were really strong and clear until about the age of 7. They didn't disappear at that point, just started thinning out and fading a little. My mum died not long after child's 5th birthday. She is still remembered regularly and fondly at age 8. Here is a quote from 3rd anniversary of my mum's death:

"I just want to hear Grandma's voice again. I really miss her voice."

I had 10 months of no overnights, age 5. When overnights started, it was like nothing had happened. Lost time made no difference.

 

[Daddy]

My child was 1.5yrs old when all contact was stopped for nearly a year and they remembered me. There was a familiarity between us and the relationship between us quickly strengthened to what it was before. So don't worry.

Also, when it was ordered that our relationship could resume, we went from 2 hours a week to overnights within a couple of months.

It has been known that some argue that because you have been separated for so long, then minimal contact going forwards is better, which is absolute rubbish. There should be more research on this but I haven't found it as I would have used it in court!

Unfortunately you have to be prepared to not see your child for quite some time, in my case it was nearly a year as my case included a fact finding hearing.

Good luck!

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Hello

Ive had no contact with my son since oct ive been in his life since he was 4 everyday until the ex thrown her toys

Im going though the court im wondering what the relationship will be like when we do have time together.
Im terrified in a couple of months he would of forgot me

We had a great relationship hes still 4 but not seen him now in 5 months

Any one had any experience
Thansk

I'm in the same boat and struggle with this all the time. I know his mum is trying to turn him against me as well. As long as he blames me in his mind and not himself, I feel better. I hope he isn't blaming himself.

 

[Ash]

He won't forget you. I think the longest I ever went was three weeks - which is nothing like as bad as some of you - but that wasn't like a normal three week absence during the holidays for example, it was three weeks of everyone knowing he was permanently witheld. And it happened quite a few times which was awful for my son, so when he saw me again although he was really happy to, he also became a bit guarded at wondering if it would happen again. At that age they haven't quite learned that degree of self protection to be too guarded, they are just confused but bounce right back once they start seeing you again. The reason I know they don't forget, is my son didn't see my partner for a year and he was only 6 months old when he first met her. When we were "allowed" to all be together, he knew her instantly and had an instant bond. Even the solicitor said - he already knows your partner if he met her when he was 6 months old.

It's not just about "memory" - it's bigger than that - it's about "knowing" someone - smells, sounds, past feelings of security with that person etc. I guess it's about love really. Which is why you can't quite describe it. People talk about a bond and there is that as well, but when there is love you always know the person.

He won't forget you. He may have his own little world where he tries not to think about something he can't have and secretly wishes for it now and then.

You'll get there.

Daddy - I 100% agree with that - slow progression is rubbish - what they need is stability and a normal life as soon as possible and a routine that makes them feel secure again. A slow progression and long absences can actually just increase the anxiety that you might disappear again.

If and when you do get to see your son again, don't forget, at some point (not straight away) to tell him that his Dad is always there and always wants him. So he has that knowledge.