Where I am at… thoughts?

[Richie1989]

Yes, concerned that the longer I delay it I’m not being child focused but then totally expecting my ex to then not allow any extra negotiations using the school as an excuse. This is the anxiety trigger. Suppose I am just needing to know the distance won’t be an issue before agreeing to the school which like I say is a fantastic school. They have tried everything to trip me up and I have jumped through every hoop. Just wanting to make sure this isn’t a trip hazard. I would be willing to move closer to the school if need be so barrister could maybe say this to judge as well. I’m just curious as to why my ex is pressuring me to decide on the matter so soon when we have until January.

Sorry if it sounds like I am going around in circles

 

[Richie1989]

Just checked on AA route planner and I am exactly 30 mins door to school and my ex is 8 mins door to school. Both driving

 

[Richie1989]

Just to confirm I have informed my ex about my school decision. That I am happy with our 3 choices. So we are in agreement. One less thing for me to get worked up about. It’s bloody horrible when you are in receiving end of what they have thrown at me. It was warmly received so now I can fully focus on the proposal negotiations. Thanks for everybody ls support and words of advice. Really appreciate it

 

[Ash]

It's a stressful time - well done. Did you do it in writing?

 

[Richie1989]

It's a stressful time - well done. Did you do it in writing?

Yes, sent it in writing via a co parenting app called taking parents. So there is proof of it that I can call upon for evidence. To be honest I do everything through the app just so there is a record and nothing can be twisted. I gave up trying to chat face to face about such things months ago! I do chat about our daughter face to face regarding meals, bath times, if she’s tired etc. I never really get much of a response or the action reciprocated but for me it’s the right thing to do so will always do it. Sometimes I have to do it via the messenger app if I can tell she’s not in a good frame of mind. I’m sure that feeling is known with a lot of people on here

 

[nothernsoul]

I've gotten into the habit of paraphrasing what my ex says to me in person via a follow up text. Or, I ask for important information to be repeated in a text.

It's fascinating how a simple conversation can have so many different 'facts' from a morning chat during handover to the evening text.

I like EVERYTHING in writing.

I'm avoiding verbals as much as I can.

 

[Peanut 21]

Best to keep it in writing.
One of the last times my partner spoke to his ex face to face, which was about 2 years ago, she called him a "f*****g c**t" in front of their son.
She puts on a butter wouldn't melt persona to the outside world. But in reality she a foul mouthed nasty piece of work.

 

[Richie1989]

I've gotten into the habit of paraphrasing what my ex says to me in person via a follow up text. Or, I ask for important information to be repeated in a text.

It's fascinating how a simple conversation can have so many different 'facts' from a morning chat during handover to the evening text.

I like EVERYTHING in writing.

I'm avoiding verbals as much as I can.

Yes, I know that feeling exactly! I do very similar to that. Something I have said and I think it needs to be in writing will then send a message re confirming it. Every step needs to be taken carefully just in case they use it against us. Roll on final hearing!

 

[Richie1989]

Best to keep it in writing.
One of the last times my partner spoke to his ex face to face, which was about 2 years ago, she called him a "f*****g c**t" in front of their son.
She puts on a butter wouldn't melt persona to the outside world. But in reality she a foul mouthed nasty piece of work.

That’s not very nice! I can remember when I arranged a coffee very early on to chat about what I could have from the house when I got a new place to live. She stood up and very angrily shouted at me that I’m an xxxxx bastard and I have not having anything from the house. She was true to her word that’s for sure! Luckily little one wasn’t around to hear it! All because I asked for my record player, records and CDs. I was gobsmacked! She then stormed off and sent me a text message saying due to her feeling angry towards me she no longer wanted me to collect our daughter and drop her off. She was going to do it! She knew exactly where to hurt me. That was pretty much the start of using our daughter as leverage when ever I made requests she didn’t like. I have the conversations all in text messages. For example if I suggested our daughter stay with me extra time that she was controlling she would punish me with taking time away… I’m sure that will all be in my evidence of barrister thinks it’s relevant. No wonder she is desperate for me to accept proposal out of court and doesn’t want to go in front of a judge

 

[Ash]

I edited out your nationality but the tone of it is fairly clear!

 

[Richie1989]

Just to update I spoke to my solicitor today regarding the exchange of arrangement proposals. They have taken the position of not responding saying it’s a waste of my money and all it will do is engage them in a waste of expensive exchanges. They said we won’t agree so what’s the point! Let’s just go in front of a judge. They basically said my ex and mum have shot themselves in the foot one to many times now so let’s get the barrister to fight my corner and get my ex on the spot. They are gobsmacked with their proposal and the fact I am now doing pickups and dropoffs, allowed away for whole weekend this coming weekend, great time at Christmas/new year yet still want to control the situation. What are peoples thoughts on this approach? Makes sense to me. My solicitor believes they will have expected an immediate response and by not doing will have them squirming as we already know my ex doesn’t want to go in front of a judge. She sent me that in a message a few weeks back. Anybody else been in this position?

 

[Ash]

I agree with that stance. It's also evidence in a way that she would accept that.

 

[Richie1989]

I agree with that stance. It's also evidence in a way that she would accept that.

Yes very good point! The fact they are not rejecting it means she isn’t opposing it which could be seen as not against it? Backing up even more so there is no concerns or issues just control on their behalf. So I suppose them not opposing it is as good as accepting it in a way. Could defo be pushed like that from my barrister. Like my solicitor said they will be squirming with me not responding. On another point my ex is back to cold body language, no eye contact and generally not talking at changeovers. Seems the other ex partner is back!

 

[Ash]

Sounds like she has realised you've ignored her offer. Thing is she can't now ask for less than she proposed - you have it in writing.

 

[Richie1989]

Sounds like she has realised you've ignored her offer. Thing is she can't now ask for less than she proposed - you have it in writing.

Exactly! It doesn’t leave that much time wise for me to fight for in front of the judge and they need to defend why they won’t allow it. They have nothing! The solicitor made it very clear we are going to focus on the shared love with order as well to prevent control from a far. We are already making notes that my ex now lets me in the marital home during changeovers and also comes into my new house as well. This weekend I have her a ticket for a bonfire and fireworks after it was rearranged due to weather. Meant it didn’t land on my weekend anymore. She accepted it and then extended my Sunday to 6.30pm instead of 5pm so I can’t take my diaghyer to the light switch on. She is so hot and cold and it really confuses my solicitor. Like they said though it all goes in my favour. Shows we can get on yet still doesn’t want shared live with arrangement. The mind boggles! It’s just a time game now which offers comfort in some way but until it’s all done and until I get what my daughter deserves the fight goes on

 

[Ash]

shared love with order

Nice typo

 

[Ash]

How long is it till the hearing? The only thing that concerns me slightly is that, with no response at all from you, it could make ongoing parenting communication difficult.

 

[Richie1989]

How long is it till the hearing? The only thing that concerns me slightly is that, with no response at all from you, it could make ongoing parenting communication difficult.

The hearing is 16th Feb. Yes, that’s the only thing what could happen with me not responding. Suppose that’s a bit of a gamble but I think they are over a barrel due to the urgent application I had accepted and the fact it’s her mum who deals with solicitors will be panicking my ex. I asked her a question regarding the latest interim order and I explained it’s out of date with all the pickups and dropoffs now being changed and she replied “what interim order, I havnt seen anything”. She then sent a response about a week after that saying “she’s been updated by solicitor and there is nothing in the interim order about pickups and dropoffs! I was gobsmacked! She isn’t even getting the orders it’s her mum totally controlling everything

 

[Richie1989]

As you can see it clearly states this… we were in court on the Wednesday and by the Friday she did a 180 and since then I do a minimum of 6 out of 9 pickups and dropoffs. The last 2 weeks doing all 9 and before that 8 out of 9!!! The mind boggles

 

[Ash]

Maybe just let her think what she likes if things are going ok.