Thanks and to go from being his primary carer to then the idea of supervised contact has killed me, and like you say to see my boys face and hear his voice I am expected to just roll over and accept this. Don’t get me wrong I will take anything at the moment to see him, it just seems wrong that this is how easy it is for her to do this. I also rang her social worker to ask bout my boy I:e how is he and what’s he been doing and she simple reply that she can’t discuss this information, but because she took him out of his school at the beginning of this nightmare, I kept asking about his school and when the social worker replied with she can’t give me information about him she then went on to say he will be starting a new school but I’m not aloud to know what school or where, even though this is a big step in his life with everything else going on and they just excluding me from it all.
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Trying to survive for my boy
- Thread starter Bill
- Start date
I just want to say as well I’ve been away from him for nearly two months now and I’ve seen there are many farthers a lot stronger than me on here who have been away from there kids longer than that, I just want to say thanks and I respect you all, the fact you can share and try and help people out, shows how much stronger you are than I’ve been. So again thanks for the stories, the advice and dads with kids itself, as in my lowest points there been much support and respect from all
It really is unbelievable you have ended up in this situation, I was in a similar position a couple of years ago with ex taking 4yr old out of school and family home, and had urgent hearing and the court in no uncertain terms told her you can’t do that and to return them home and school. I feel time is your enemy here, the longer this goes on the harder it will be to reset. Do not accept the current situation, if you are on the birth certificate you have parental responsibility and entitled to know where he is at school at bare minimum.
I agree that you could drop a line to ex's solicitors along the lines of
"As per the court order of x date, please can you inform me of the name of the school which my son is attending".
Keep it simple for now - if you try to get too involved too soon, your ex will be more obstructive. There is a letter template on here for introducing yourself to the school and asking to be kept informed, which you could send (adapted as and where necessary) once you have the name of the school. It wouldn't be a good idea to turn up at the school at this stage though, but they will need to send you reports, newsletters and other parental communications. A lot is done on the school websites now, or via an app, so you should be able to see newsletters on there. The main thing the school needs to send you is the school reports.
"As per the court order of x date, please can you inform me of the name of the school which my son is attending".
Keep it simple for now - if you try to get too involved too soon, your ex will be more obstructive. There is a letter template on here for introducing yourself to the school and asking to be kept informed, which you could send (adapted as and where necessary) once you have the name of the school. It wouldn't be a good idea to turn up at the school at this stage though, but they will need to send you reports, newsletters and other parental communications. A lot is done on the school websites now, or via an app, so you should be able to see newsletters on there. The main thing the school needs to send you is the school reports.
Tell me about it, after the first urgent court date they just decided to give her benefit of doubt, but then couple weeks ago it was confirmed that she went to a refuge due to the allegations she made towards me. I believed that because I’m on birth certificate and that I had been with him from day 1, this would mean no matter what is going on between me and ex, me and my boy would still have a relationship but everyone I go to whether it be social or solicitors just tell me I have no rights to know until at least the court date. This is what I’m finding hardest about it all is not only haven’t I seen him but I’m not even aloud to ask how he is. It’s such a mess, I could never tell my lad that he wouldn’t be able to see or speak to his mother for 2 months, so I’m stunned that she can without any remorse
Yeah it does and I understand that the child safety is paramount, but surly if there was concern to risk to him then ether school or other parties would of noticed, but it just seemed outrageous that the mothers can make any accusations with being questioned. Like you say they play the system, and are use the child as a tool to benefit from.
The lowest points are virtually unbearable. Every little victory will make you stronger. In yourself and in the eyes of those that matter. It takes plenty of strength to reach out, ask for help, and take things on board. Keep at it, you can get there.
Hi all, I have been meaning to update this but have been in a bad way, I just keep breaking down. So I went to court at the end of April and basically just sat there while the court made the decision to give me no direct contact and will be going to a contested hearing in September. This has broke my heart, the court has said I can have indirect contact, so send videos and cards etc via the mother’s solicitor which I have been doing but is very hard to accept this is all I can do, plus i send 1 video a week and I’ve only had 1 video of him back since April and it didn’t feel like he even knew he was sending me one as the mother got him to read a book which was nice, but there was no “hi dad” or anything that would signify he was doing it to me. The court made this decision due the her social workers assessment which stated if I was to have direct contact, then my son may inadvertently give there position away and would put the ex at risk of controlling behavior. Which hurts because it’s kind of my fault because every Saturday I would say to my son left or right and we would go explore the surrounding areas and city’s and if we didn’t do this maybe I would be able to see him in family center or something, I’m sorry again I’m trying to type this through all the tears
So sorry to hear this @Bill.
It's devastating where you can't see your own children or have very limited contact with them.
Many of us here are or have been in a similar situation and it's hard to keep it together with all the emotions.
All we can do is try and stay strong (I know easier said than done). It's basically survival mode getting through each day.
Were you represented or LIP? Are you not having a DRA hearing? Or was it a FHDRA which then goes straight to the final hearing?
It's devastating where you can't see your own children or have very limited contact with them.
Many of us here are or have been in a similar situation and it's hard to keep it together with all the emotions.
All we can do is try and stay strong (I know easier said than done). It's basically survival mode getting through each day.
Were you represented or LIP? Are you not having a DRA hearing? Or was it a FHDRA which then goes straight to the final hearing?
Yeah I’ve been trying the few techniques that I’ve read on here to get some sleep, and everyday life is hard at the moment, I even don’t want to go work but I just telling myself I need to for him. But yeah other members on here really helped me prepare for the worst in my head as they had stated it could be months but I found myself thinking the best in my heart for it to be torn out.
I was represented unfortunately, and it’s so true what is said on here that all a solicitor is good for it to take money of you, but thought that seen as tho I had solicitor involved already I would let them stayed involved but the solicitor was no use at all, due to the court following the social workers assessment so was really no need for it.
It’s went straight to final hearing/ contested hearing, where final I can deny the accusations and hopefully get my say on things. It is crazy to me that it takes this long to get both sides of the story but until then the mothers story is is final.
I was represented unfortunately, and it’s so true what is said on here that all a solicitor is good for it to take money of you, but thought that seen as tho I had solicitor involved already I would let them stayed involved but the solicitor was no use at all, due to the court following the social workers assessment so was really no need for it.
It’s went straight to final hearing/ contested hearing, where final I can deny the accusations and hopefully get my say on things. It is crazy to me that it takes this long to get both sides of the story but until then the mothers story is is final.
I am really sorry to hear how this has gone and words don't describe what it's like not seeing your child or worrying how it will affect them not seeing you.
Some solicitors can be a bit too passive at court hearings, even if the social worker did support the Mother.
I am wondering why it's going straight to a contested final hearing without a fact find. Did your solicitor mention the option of a fact find? In many situations, it's better to avoid one, but in this case if the final hearing is just going to rely on what the social worker says, then it could be helpful to have allegations dismissed. Although the allegations sound vague and without evidence and just based on what your ex has told the social worker.
I would suggest you have a consultation with a barrister, if you can afford it - might be about £1000. Explain the situation and that decisions are being based solely on what your ex has told the social worker and you're currently left with indirect only, no fact find and it's not looking good for a final hearing. They can advise what you could do.
Some solicitors can be a bit too passive at court hearings, even if the social worker did support the Mother.
I am wondering why it's going straight to a contested final hearing without a fact find. Did your solicitor mention the option of a fact find? In many situations, it's better to avoid one, but in this case if the final hearing is just going to rely on what the social worker says, then it could be helpful to have allegations dismissed. Although the allegations sound vague and without evidence and just based on what your ex has told the social worker.
I would suggest you have a consultation with a barrister, if you can afford it - might be about £1000. Explain the situation and that decisions are being based solely on what your ex has told the social worker and you're currently left with indirect only, no fact find and it's not looking good for a final hearing. They can advise what you could do.
No so the solicitor didn’t ask for a fact find but has said that the ex will give a statement from the 1st of June then I will give mine and will be disputed from there at court, also we have contested the social workers assessment as it was only from the side of the mother. I have got a barrister in line for the court date, and have struggled to get the funds for this but I will put everything I have and don’t have to make the best outcome. From what the social workers assessment reads as is weird because the main thing is that I controlled the ex and didn’t allow her to go college or work even tho she completed a college course and worked every weekend, so hopefully I that can be proved easily but just seems that she can say anything without prove. The worst thing is that this has been used by the social worker assessment just to keep me away from my son as long as they can.
The court have also asked for a section 7 with my boy before the court date, and the court said that the ex should have her statement in by the 1st of June but not had it yet and I don’t know if this is allowed or if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that it is late