Thinking of moving to Edinburgh but Kids will stay with Mother's.

[Chris86]

Hi,

I'm Chris and I just need some advice really.

I have 12 year old twins with a previous partner and a 6 year old with another. At the moment my arrangements are I have my kids Wednesday after school for couple hours then every other weekend.

The partner I'm with now can't have children but gets on amazingly with my 3 and they all love her which was a result. Problem is my family is from Scotland and me and partner fell in love with Edinburgh and want to move there. We live 23 miles north of London at present but are looking into to moving up to Scotland.

I just want to know If anybody has been in similar situations or any advice for how I can still see my kids and get round the missing parts?

Thanks - Chris

 

[Ash]

Hi. Firstly is that your real name? If so I can change it. We ask people to use anonymous usernames - these often end up being legal situations.

Are your current arrangements informal or are there any court orders in place? Assuming it's informal you'd need to probably have mediation and get an agreement with the Mother. If she doesn't agree to the changes then you'd need to apply to court for an order. However it may not look good if you're moving further away from the kids unless it's an unavoidable job transfer or something.

I think the reality is it would be very difficult to sustain your relationships with your kids. It would only be an every other week-end schedule and half the holidays and a lot of travel. Even if you can afford the travel, kids sometimes don't want to keep doing it. I think it's about a 4 hour train journey from London to Edinburgh isn't it? That would be a lot of travel at week-ends. You'd probably have to travel down Friday night. stay overnight somewhere and travel back with them on the train on Saturday morning and get there about lunch time, and then travel back again 24 hours later on Sunday lunch time. Holidays would be easier. It doesn't sound very sustainable and your ex (or both of them) may well object. You might only get one week-end a month, with that distance. And even then, as kids grow up - they just don't want that amount of travel sometimes. Particularly the twelve year olds. And they are all too young to travel alone really.

The other issue is - your kids could well feel abandoned and resent you and your partner.

If it was me, I wouldn't move. And wait till the kids are grown up maybe and just have holidays in Edinburgh.

 

[Chris86]

Hi mate yes it’s my real name. I don’t have any court orders or anything by law. I just have verbal agreements with the mothers as to when I have them and payments.

I was more thinking I could fly down every month and have the kids at my mums and have them at mine through the holidays.

I also am leaning towards waiting until they’re grown up and moving then.
Thanks for the reply.
I appreciate it

 

[Ash]

I didn't think about flying! That would be easier yes. Would you be happy with seeing them once a month? Terms are only about 6 weeks so you might only get one week end between holidays. I guess if it's amicable, and your ex is in agreement and allows regular phone contact, that wouldn't be so bad. It's just whether the kids would feel a bit left. How are things with your ex's - are they both amicable?

 

[Peanut 21]

I'd personally wait until all the kids are older.
What if there's an emergency and you're stuck all that way?
Waiting for a the next available flight, train or driving would take hours.
And the kids may feel abandoned.
Sorry if I sound negative but all the time you can see your kids so easily and the kids mothers are being amicable, why rock the boat?