Hi everyone, I’ve done a lot of reading on the forum and find myself feeling sadness but also solace in the fact that there are so many other decent men out here fighting for their kids.
Both children (3 & 5) are non verbal autistic, the oldest is in school but the youngest would spend most of his days locked in the living room behind a baby gate because she couldn’t stand them “making a mess” around the home, like a normal child, and wouldn’t take them out as “there’s nowhere to go” or “the weather is bad” despite her being unemployed.
I would do all the morning routines whilst she showered and got dressed and makeup etc to go to the gym 5 days a week. I work full time WFH. I also did the bath time and bed time routine whilst she would deep clean the whole house instead of help be a parent.
We accumulated over £20,000 in debt - all in my name of course, I’m now left with £10,000. I also paid the rent & ctax for this month and have not actually spent any time in it.
She ended up monkey branching to her personal trainer last month, that I had been help pay £150/month for. She told me about it on Fathers Day. She didn’t hide the fact she was now in a new relationship despite us still living together trying to co-parent due to neither of us being able to afford to leave, nor did I think I should be the one to leave. She was staying at his on the weekends and speaking to him on the phone most nights.
Over the next few weeks I attempted plenty of times to reconcile but she was always cold, until one night where it seemed we were, we slept in the same bed and ended up having sex for about 10 minutes when she said to stop - she left to his house in the early hours and returned with him in the morning with threats of violence and to leave or she would report me for rape to the police and that I’ll see the kids on her terms.
I left, blocked her on socials and told my family to ignore her. She didn’t like this as I’d take a few items she would want (blender, air fryer, car seat) so she reported me to the police anyway.
I was locked in a dry cell for about 9 hours, gave intimate swabs and gave a 2 hour police interview with a duty solicitor present, my solicitor told me to tell my story and consent to giving my devices and passcodes over. It seemed to go well and the female OIC and interviewing officer made some comments off recording that they probably shouldn’t have but gave me reassurance that they likely believed I’d been in an abusive relationship and was telling the truth - however they have to do their investigations.
Social services are involved now due to the allegations and she told them she was happy to do 60/40 custody but then the next day filed a C100 saying I’m going to abduct the children and wants to restrict me to a few hours a week supervised contact in a contact centre. Meanwhile her new partner is taking her and my children on days out and he’s sleeping in the bed I paid for, eating food out of the fridge I paid for.
A prohibited steps order was put in place and an urgent hearing at court, thankfully I spoke to a solicitor who helped write a great positioning statement. My solicitor said it was obvious she had done this on her own and my ex showed up without representation.
The judge was amazing, I think partly because she had no justification for the order, he lifted the order and I offered a general form of undertaking to ensure I wouldn’t abduct my own children even though this is essentially what she was doing by not giving access. The judge told her to not attempt to airbrush me out of the boys lives now she has a new partner(!!) and that the children deserve to see both parents equally.
No child arrangement order is in place and I assume CAFCASS will be in touch however social worker thinks they will just have them do a Section 7 report since they’re already involved and have started assessments.
I suspect to be back in court for another hearing in a few weeks once the Section 7 is done. My solicitor has told me to submit a counter C100 detailing all the abuse I’ve suffered in the relationship (coercive control, financial, psychological, emotional abuse) and the neglect and abuse my children have suffered at her hand (chastising, lack of socialising).
I didn’t want to go to court, or have the police and social services involved however I feel I have no choice now to stop being passive and go on the offensive to protect myself and protect my boys.
She has finally let me see the boys this weekend for 24 hours after a very long 2 weeks with no contact. She had the audacity to ask my mum (who did the handover) for pictures and updates of the children whilst they’re with me. Thankfully social services have restricted contact to a communication book due to my bail conditions (which someone else has to write for me).
Hoping some people can give me a bit of guidance on what the court process might look for me and any advice you think I might need. Thank you all I’m so glad I found this forum.
Both children (3 & 5) are non verbal autistic, the oldest is in school but the youngest would spend most of his days locked in the living room behind a baby gate because she couldn’t stand them “making a mess” around the home, like a normal child, and wouldn’t take them out as “there’s nowhere to go” or “the weather is bad” despite her being unemployed.
I would do all the morning routines whilst she showered and got dressed and makeup etc to go to the gym 5 days a week. I work full time WFH. I also did the bath time and bed time routine whilst she would deep clean the whole house instead of help be a parent.
We accumulated over £20,000 in debt - all in my name of course, I’m now left with £10,000. I also paid the rent & ctax for this month and have not actually spent any time in it.
She ended up monkey branching to her personal trainer last month, that I had been help pay £150/month for. She told me about it on Fathers Day. She didn’t hide the fact she was now in a new relationship despite us still living together trying to co-parent due to neither of us being able to afford to leave, nor did I think I should be the one to leave. She was staying at his on the weekends and speaking to him on the phone most nights.
Over the next few weeks I attempted plenty of times to reconcile but she was always cold, until one night where it seemed we were, we slept in the same bed and ended up having sex for about 10 minutes when she said to stop - she left to his house in the early hours and returned with him in the morning with threats of violence and to leave or she would report me for rape to the police and that I’ll see the kids on her terms.
I left, blocked her on socials and told my family to ignore her. She didn’t like this as I’d take a few items she would want (blender, air fryer, car seat) so she reported me to the police anyway.
I was locked in a dry cell for about 9 hours, gave intimate swabs and gave a 2 hour police interview with a duty solicitor present, my solicitor told me to tell my story and consent to giving my devices and passcodes over. It seemed to go well and the female OIC and interviewing officer made some comments off recording that they probably shouldn’t have but gave me reassurance that they likely believed I’d been in an abusive relationship and was telling the truth - however they have to do their investigations.
Social services are involved now due to the allegations and she told them she was happy to do 60/40 custody but then the next day filed a C100 saying I’m going to abduct the children and wants to restrict me to a few hours a week supervised contact in a contact centre. Meanwhile her new partner is taking her and my children on days out and he’s sleeping in the bed I paid for, eating food out of the fridge I paid for.
A prohibited steps order was put in place and an urgent hearing at court, thankfully I spoke to a solicitor who helped write a great positioning statement. My solicitor said it was obvious she had done this on her own and my ex showed up without representation.
The judge was amazing, I think partly because she had no justification for the order, he lifted the order and I offered a general form of undertaking to ensure I wouldn’t abduct my own children even though this is essentially what she was doing by not giving access. The judge told her to not attempt to airbrush me out of the boys lives now she has a new partner(!!) and that the children deserve to see both parents equally.
No child arrangement order is in place and I assume CAFCASS will be in touch however social worker thinks they will just have them do a Section 7 report since they’re already involved and have started assessments.
I suspect to be back in court for another hearing in a few weeks once the Section 7 is done. My solicitor has told me to submit a counter C100 detailing all the abuse I’ve suffered in the relationship (coercive control, financial, psychological, emotional abuse) and the neglect and abuse my children have suffered at her hand (chastising, lack of socialising).
I didn’t want to go to court, or have the police and social services involved however I feel I have no choice now to stop being passive and go on the offensive to protect myself and protect my boys.
She has finally let me see the boys this weekend for 24 hours after a very long 2 weeks with no contact. She had the audacity to ask my mum (who did the handover) for pictures and updates of the children whilst they’re with me. Thankfully social services have restricted contact to a communication book due to my bail conditions (which someone else has to write for me).
Hoping some people can give me a bit of guidance on what the court process might look for me and any advice you think I might need. Thank you all I’m so glad I found this forum.
