The Start of My Story

[nothernsoul]

As above.

Both solicitors and barristers are hired help.

As a football analogy, if I've got a penalty kick to save my life I'm paying the Lionel Messi of the world and not the Lionel Blair's.

Anyone can miss but I want to be giving myself the greatest chance.

My experience is also that solicitors will tell you what they want you want to hear and bill you handsomely for the pleasure.

I'd have a hunt about and do some research on local direct access barristers.

 

[Ash]

Thanks NS.

I know of someone who works in social services so I’m going to ask them what the best way to approach my concerns are as if a Section 7 is requested I believe it will be the children’s social worker who will complete it rather than CAFCASS.

I would definitely feel more confident with representation at the next hearing especially with how controlling and assertive Ex is, especially if she doesn’t have representation.

My solicitor quoted £1100 to be represented by them at a hearing, she seems like she knows what she’s talking about, what would be the difference between them and a barrister be? Should I just get a barrister instead? The solicitor said I wouldn’t really need one if they were representing me.

Barrister would be double the cost but it would be a fixed fee. Solicitors just keep on charging. Barristers are specialists in hearings, solicitors do the paperwork. If you have a direct access barrister they will write up the order and it will be correct. If you have a solicitor they will write up the order and there may be errors or you may not be happy with what they've put. I'm being general there - some solicitors might write it up well but too many seem to mess it up. Also the order wording then has to be approved by the other side's solicitor and that's another way of them running up bills and creating issues after the hearing - arguing back and forth about wording. Whereas if a barrister writes the order it can't be argued with. They have more clout. They are also more likely to get you what you want.

I'd go for a direct access barrister. You don't actually need a solicitor, except possibly just before a final hearing, to help with the bundle and final statement, although you can do that yourself too. You could actually hire a solicitor for a one off job to do the bundle, as if you don't have one, the other side's solicitor do the bundle and try all sorts of tricks.

 

[Ash]

A barrister might also get an agreement for a consent order thrashed out at the FHDRA then it goes no further. Every week-end sounds good to me! It isn't something the court would order unless it was by agreement.

 

[antelope59]

Thanks all, anyone have general ideas on how much a Barrister would charge for a hearing? Is there any decent websites etc to look at or certain things to look for when choosing a barrister? I really think I am going to get a barrister, I’ll have 2 months of pay to save up thankfully my hearing is start of October.

I have a solicitor and paid for 3 hours so going to use them on advice and had them send a letter to the ex about breaching the safety plan which has shaken her boots as she mentioned it to the social worker and was worried she was in trouble again! But on review it’s not really been much else that I couldn’t have done myself (email court, C1A) but she will be useful since I have bail conditions so I can’t directly contact the ex.

The social worker has set an interview with me and ex (separately) in a couple of weeks for her report. I have quite a lot of concerns now I’m no longer at home, and the social worker seems to think my ex may be asked/told to seek mental health help from our conversation today.

I also found out that my ex has still yet to give a video interview to the police in her rape allegation against me, my criminal solicitor (duty) has said she is taking the piss! 2 months later and the case has literally not moved and my bail will be extended for another 3 months, it’s almost like she’s done it on purpose knowing that an NFA will look a lot better for me than a pending investigation.

 

[coggers1980]

Thanks NS.

I know of someone who works in social services so I’m going to ask them what the best way to approach my concerns are as if a Section 7 is requested I believe it will be the children’s social worker who will complete it rather than CAFCASS.

I would definitely feel more confident with representation at the next hearing especially with how controlling and assertive Ex is, especially if she doesn’t have representation.

My solicitor quoted £1100 to be represented by them at a hearing, she seems like she knows what she’s talking about, what would be the difference between them and a barrister be? Should I just get a barrister instead? The solicitor said I wouldn’t really need one if they were representing me.

Barrister 100%.

Don't even entertain the idea of having a solicitor instead! They are experts in family law, will know all the relevant case law and probably know the judge too.

 

[nothernsoul]

It's an absolute waste of resources and energy getting mixed up with letter writing.

They get you nowhere.

I look back on my time and case and, though at the time it was mildly motivating to fire some shits back, they're entirely blanks.

Save everything up for the best barrister you can afford.

 

[lunico93x]

Barrister would be double the cost but it would be a fixed fee. Solicitors just keep on charging. Barristers are specialists in hearings, solicitors do the paperwork. If you have a direct access barrister they will write up the order and it will be correct. If you have a solicitor they will write up the order and there may be errors or you may not be happy with what they've put. I'm being general there - some solicitors might write it up well but too many seem to mess it up. Also the order wording then has to be approved by the other side's solicitor and that's another way of them running up bills and creating issues after the hearing - arguing back and forth about wording. Whereas if a barrister writes the order it can't be argued with. They have more clout. They are also more likely to get you what you want.

I'd go for a direct access barrister. You don't actually need a solicitor, except possibly just before a final hearing, to help with the bundle and final statement, although you can do that yourself too. You could actually hire a solicitor for a one off job to do the bundle, as if you don't have one, the other side's solicitor do the bundle and try all sorts of tricks.

I hadn't thought of that - I was worrying all along about the other side doing the paperwork if I'm LIP with part-time barrister, but it's simple enough to hire a solicitor at the last minute for whatever bits you need them for, then de-instruct them aftewards.

 

[lunico93x]

Thanks all, anyone have general ideas on how much a Barrister would charge for a hearing? Is there any decent websites etc to look at or certain things to look for when choosing a barrister? I really think I am going to get a barrister, I’ll have 2 months of pay to save up thankfully my hearing is start of October.

I have a solicitor and paid for 3 hours so going to use them on advice and had them send a letter to the ex about breaching the safety plan which has shaken her boots as she mentioned it to the social worker and was worried she was in trouble again! But on review it’s not really been much else that I couldn’t have done myself (email court, C1A) but she will be useful since I have bail conditions so I can’t directly contact the ex.

The social worker has set an interview with me and ex (separately) in a couple of weeks for her report. I have quite a lot of concerns now I’m no longer at home, and the social worker seems to think my ex may be asked/told to seek mental health help from our conversation today.

I also found out that my ex has still yet to give a video interview to the police in her rape allegation against me, my criminal solicitor (duty) has said she is taking the piss! 2 months later and the case has literally not moved and my bail will be extended for another 3 months, it’s almost like she’s done it on purpose knowing that an NFA will look a lot better for me than a pending investigation.

For an FHDRA, it's likely to be - based on quotes I've had in recent weeks - anywhere from £1,500-£2,000 for a less experienced barrister (still perfectly qualified and often very capable!) and about £3,000 for a leading KC (King's Counsel) barrister. They also charge VAT. If you google direct access barrister there are one or two well-known platforms you can register on, upload details of your case and hearing and someone will get in touch with quotes. That's how I got my barrister for a non-mol hearing that happened last week.

 

[antelope59]

Thanks all, I have been researching barristers and some sound great. I am torn between two, one used to be a clinic psychologist and the other specialises in cases with special needs children.

The social worker seriously hinted on Friday that my ex may be told that she needs to get mental health support due to her health anxiety. I heavily suspect she is personality disordered and my family and I have tried to get her to seek help for years, and her behaviours cause me real concern for my children now I’m no longer there.

I have a meeting with the social worker next week, should I bring this up? I really think I need to as my children are non verbal and high needs and this could potentially be the opportunity to finally get her to seek therapy.

My ex continues to have her new partner around the property during handovers despite the safety plan saying he shouldn’t be at the property. So technically not broken as he just walks the streets and laughs at my parents when they drive past him, even leaving a note in his car window saying he can park where the f**k he wants, and have a 6min video of him following my parents in his car behind theirs directly after a handover last week.

He is also an anabolic steroid user. Are these concerns the social and court/cafcass will take into account? I have bail conditions meaning the children rely on their grandparents (my parents) to be dropped off and picked up in order to live with me over the weekends and these intimidation tactics cause them serious stress and the plan specifically says my mum has to complete the handovers on her own and her partner has to wait in the car in the street so can’t accompany her.

 

[coggers1980]

New partner sounds like right pr*ck!

I'd be tempted to report him to the police for harassment, not that it'll make much difference and likely screw up your current arrangements.

 

[antelope59]

New partner sounds like right pr*ck!

I'd be tempted to report him to the police for harassment, not that it'll make much difference and likely screw up your current arrangements.

Yeah he is, typical low IQ, narcissistic steroid user who is just looking for a fight to prove his manliness. Not sure why he is wanting to be so involved in the lives of my 2 autistic children so much really, he seems the type that being a step dad would probably inflict narcissistic injury to him.

I’ve contacted the social worker to let her know about the continued harassment really, not sure what the police could do about it to be honest as it’s only harassment during handovers which last about 5-10 minutes.

I will be bringing up the behaviour at court though, I’m sure CAFCASS will be interested in the intimidation and animosity that my kids will be directly impacted by.

 

[antelope59]

Cafcass safeguarding report is in, they are recommending a S7 to be completed by the LA due to their involvement and they see no further involvement from Cafcass moving forward. I'm happy about this and requested it as my ex has lied about so many things - even having a romantic relationship with me I relationship was purely focused on the kids - we were engaged for 2 years, together for 6.5 and have a plethora of messages that would disprove that within 30 seconds why lie about things so easily disproved? She has also conveniently left out that she was in care as a teenager and has made her upbringing sound like it was perfect when that is not what her & her family have told me over the years.

FHDRA is this week (adjourned due to no safeguarding letter) & I will be requesting an interim order for more time with the children 4 Days/3 Nights per week until the S7 has been completed, this includes handovers to be done through School/Nursery where possible due to the situations created by ex and her new partner at handovers, and also the social worker being made aware that the children are always upset and refuse to leave the car when taken home to her.

She has finally got her legal aid and will be represented, I will be LIP for the FHDRA but will get representation for the final hearing.

Wish me luck!

 

[antelope59]

Judge was confused as to why Cafcass have not recommended a FoF due to the allegations of R made by ex, and said I am lucky to have any contact at all due to Cafcass policy being that there should be no contact until a FoF hearing. Very upsetting to hear that "you're lucky" to see your kids at all, but upon reflection I agree, things could be a lot worse. Apparently ex is "putting kids needs first" and still wants me to have contact with the children, but I know that's just bs as she can't cope full-time on her own and probably enjoys her child free weekends with her new partner.

Judge said if no FoF then they will proceed on the basis that R did not happen. I am confident of NFA but my bail has been extended for another 3 months.

Am I crazy in thinking of pushing for a FoF not only to clear my name, but to try to give evidence (that I have little) of the psychological, emotional and financial abuse I suffered and the physical & emotional abuse the children suffered? I have nothing to hide but my ex does. Social Worker said they had no issue with me having the children 50/50 and the allegation is the only thing that would go against me until it's sorted.

 

[JayMC]

Difficult, generally the take is to avoid FoF at all costs.
You have no idea what your ex may pull out from historic messages and the like.

Focus on the children, securing your contact. Less on the allegations

 

[mva]

I wouldn’t push for a fact find . Might well backfire. Ex won’t get punished anyway. Will delay precedings and if you pay for barrister will cost a fortune. Will only create more bad blood with the ex.

 

[antelope59]

I think I just hate the injustice and gamification of it all. Hopefully get a judge that sees through the lies. How often does someone apply for a CAO to restrict access to a contact centre then a week later tell social workers they're happy with 50/50 because they realise they cant handle the kids on their own.

Ex is 100% afraid she will get the kids taken off her if people realise she's an abuser.

I will see what my solicitor thinks, thankfully have a bit of money for advice and family to lean on to help pay for representation at a final hearing.

It boils my blood that tax money pays for manipulators to have free legal representation where there is no evidence of abuse, just their word and they get signed off by a DVA for doing an online course.

 

[JayMC]

That is the imperfect system.

 

[antelope59]

That is the imperfect system.

It's sad really.

Thanks for the replies, I know the sensible thing is to avoid a FoF hearing, I just worry that my children will be stuck with an abuser and are non-verbal so it's not like they can even tell me either, I was always there to protect them from it, or at least tried to.

 

[JayMC]

It's sad really.

Thanks for the replies, I know the sensible thing is to avoid a FoF hearing, I just worry that my children will be stuck with an abuser and are non-verbal so it's not like they can even tell me either, I was always there to protect them from it, or at least tried to.

I hear you and I feel for you. Unsubstantiated allegations are just the norm in family court, legal aid and trying to set the other person up as an unfit parent.

It makes a mockery of those who are actual victims, but society has been conditioned to accept every allegation as true, because people must come forward.

Allegations of DA have been put into a position to take advantage of just about every societal system, from housing, family court, debt and beyond.
People (mostly men) will never escape this system.

 

[Anon3000]

I am positive she is personality disordered and I have been trying to get her to get help for years. Does anyone have experience with mentioning this to CAFCASS or Social Workers? It controls everything she does and means she is putting her own issues, anxieties and fears above what’s best for the children and now I’m no longer there to shield them from it, it really causes me a lot of concern, especially with how convincingly she can mask to other people.

Hi Antelope, you've had some good advice on here but I'm just picking up on this point about the personality disorder. My partner raised his concern about his ex exhibiting BPD behaviours in his C100. He then said it again during his cafcass call, and there were enough concerns to prompt the court to request her medical records alongside a S7. No BPD was on her records. We genuinely believe his ex has an undiagnosed personality disorder and fortunately for us, she displayed the said behaviours to the court. Your ex sounds like my partner's i.e. pretty thick, lacking self control and reactionary. Perfect combination to show their true colours to the court.

I think it was right of my partner to raise the concern of possible BPD as it was the catalyst for a S7, which came out very badly for the ex. This is always a risky tactic though and I think you are probably too far along in your journey for raising it to have a positive effect. As others have said, accusations now just delay proceedings.