Hello All,
I've been on the site for a while now and have posted about my partners situation on and off.
I'll try to give a brief overview and then an update.
Partner was with ex for 7 years, never married, 1 girl and 1 boy.
My partner left as his ex was emotionally and psychologically abusive (not that he fully saw it until recent times).
Met partner 2 years after he split from his ex.
Met the kids casually (7 and 4) as daddy's friend for a year. Always kid led and didn't force a relationship, although from the off they really liked me.
Before my partners ex knew about me she still used him for stuff. It's called hoovering in terms about a narcassist when they try and draw someone back in.
They 'co-parented' for 3 years. Again in hindsight it was on her terms.
Cue when she found out about me over 5 years ago now.
She sent a huge email laying down the new rules.
Stopped from seeing kids/DV allegations/social services called/police called/CAO application put in.
The usual empty threat letters from solicitors arrived.
I was definitely the trigger, although she's denied this adamantly throughout and no-one has believed it.
I also believe the DV allegations were to try and scare me off.
3 months of not seeing kids until first hearing.
Interim time arranged as long as paternal grandparents or uncle present.
FFH followed with nothing found, final hearing with usual every other weekend, part holidays for dad.
Following year 3 allegations of dad chastising daughter alleged. I was there for all 3.
Ex stopped dad seeing kids again for 3 months. C79 put in. Ex applied to vary.
After Final Hearing 6 months later (more interim time again between hearings but me as support) dad actually got more time during half term added to CAO.
Had a miraclous 14 months or so of nothing (a few niggles) until next allegation made 2 years ago.
Ex applied to vary again. Hearing 4 months later. Ex appealed judges decision of dad seeing kids a contact centre then CAO back to normal.
Saw son in CC for 6 months. Daughter refused to go.
Cafcass involved again. In S7 cafcass officer could see kids picking up mothers anxieties.
Naively said parents could co parent again and just use mediation!!!
In this time didn't see either child for 7 months. Then only son came as CAO was reinstated with a staged progression.
Haven't seen daughter for 2 years.
Before hearings were concluded (without allegation that started it ever being dealt with and story changing a few times) cafcass were appointed as guardians and a psychologist was ordered.
In a word: shambles.
The psychologist fell for mothers lies hook line and sinker.
He felt dad had a narrative (even though it's been his actual lived experience) and is too paternalistic, rigid and authoritarian. Based on the fact he's put in normal parental boundaries and felt it was good to stick to the court order. The CAO his ex wanted.
The mother said she was best friends with daughter and doesn't tell the kids what to do. So dad hasn't got a leg to stand on if he just wants to be a normal parent having decent bed times and telling the kids off reasonably when they used to fight.
Both children have dreadful diets, can't tie shoelaces,brush their teeth properly and have started to become isolated from paternal family and friends.
Cafcass guardian changed her tune and agreed with psychologist.
I've got loads more to add but this is just for starters.
But for now, I don't trust cafcass, court appointed psychologists (who may have their own biases), solicitors, social services or schools after what's happened to my partner.
I've been on the site for a while now and have posted about my partners situation on and off.
I'll try to give a brief overview and then an update.
Partner was with ex for 7 years, never married, 1 girl and 1 boy.
My partner left as his ex was emotionally and psychologically abusive (not that he fully saw it until recent times).
Met partner 2 years after he split from his ex.
Met the kids casually (7 and 4) as daddy's friend for a year. Always kid led and didn't force a relationship, although from the off they really liked me.
Before my partners ex knew about me she still used him for stuff. It's called hoovering in terms about a narcassist when they try and draw someone back in.
They 'co-parented' for 3 years. Again in hindsight it was on her terms.
Cue when she found out about me over 5 years ago now.
She sent a huge email laying down the new rules.
Stopped from seeing kids/DV allegations/social services called/police called/CAO application put in.
The usual empty threat letters from solicitors arrived.
I was definitely the trigger, although she's denied this adamantly throughout and no-one has believed it.
I also believe the DV allegations were to try and scare me off.
3 months of not seeing kids until first hearing.
Interim time arranged as long as paternal grandparents or uncle present.
FFH followed with nothing found, final hearing with usual every other weekend, part holidays for dad.
Following year 3 allegations of dad chastising daughter alleged. I was there for all 3.
Ex stopped dad seeing kids again for 3 months. C79 put in. Ex applied to vary.
After Final Hearing 6 months later (more interim time again between hearings but me as support) dad actually got more time during half term added to CAO.
Had a miraclous 14 months or so of nothing (a few niggles) until next allegation made 2 years ago.
Ex applied to vary again. Hearing 4 months later. Ex appealed judges decision of dad seeing kids a contact centre then CAO back to normal.
Saw son in CC for 6 months. Daughter refused to go.
Cafcass involved again. In S7 cafcass officer could see kids picking up mothers anxieties.
Naively said parents could co parent again and just use mediation!!!
In this time didn't see either child for 7 months. Then only son came as CAO was reinstated with a staged progression.
Haven't seen daughter for 2 years.
Before hearings were concluded (without allegation that started it ever being dealt with and story changing a few times) cafcass were appointed as guardians and a psychologist was ordered.
In a word: shambles.
The psychologist fell for mothers lies hook line and sinker.
He felt dad had a narrative (even though it's been his actual lived experience) and is too paternalistic, rigid and authoritarian. Based on the fact he's put in normal parental boundaries and felt it was good to stick to the court order. The CAO his ex wanted.
The mother said she was best friends with daughter and doesn't tell the kids what to do. So dad hasn't got a leg to stand on if he just wants to be a normal parent having decent bed times and telling the kids off reasonably when they used to fight.
Both children have dreadful diets, can't tie shoelaces,brush their teeth properly and have started to become isolated from paternal family and friends.
Cafcass guardian changed her tune and agreed with psychologist.
I've got loads more to add but this is just for starters.
But for now, I don't trust cafcass, court appointed psychologists (who may have their own biases), solicitors, social services or schools after what's happened to my partner.