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Missymiss

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Happy Friday all.

Firstly, this is an amazing forum, those fighting tooth and nail for their children should be extremely proud of themselves. I have gained insight and realised how awful the system is to dad's and can only hope one day the narrative will change.

I am seeking advice for my partner who has had his mediation sign off so will be filing the c100 form (special thanks to this site for the dedicated resources to do so)

He is tight on money, between paying child maintenance, rent, bills and paying off debts there is very little he is left with to save.

From my understanding so far, the paper work and CAFASS stuff can be completed himself without any legal help.

However, the general advice from reading other posts is to have Direct Access Barrister for the final hearing. We are in London so these costs would be between 2-5k it seems? this is extremely expensive for him so I was wondering if anyone knows of any other possible ways to get help on this? any charities etc?

Again, from my understanding, it seems legal aid is for domestic abuse. From the threads, I can see women have filed false accusations to get this which we anticipate happening. For transparency, there have been unkind words from both parties which she has previously cited as him being abusive, although she has done the same and quite frankly much worse. If this is acceptable for her, would he also be able to claim on this basis? I know the court is quite biased to women but surely they should operate in fairness? (excuse me if I am being naive here) Also, during the process when should he be transparent about the unkind words without shooting himself in the foot?

Lastly, more of a bit of advice for me, what would be the best way to support him throughout? it has already been a tiring and draining process which he has wanted to give up a few times and I anticipate the court process will be even worse. He loves his child and truly wants to countine being involved

Also a bit of background, the situation is similar to the ones I have read on this thread. She has a new partner and is essentially trying to phase him out. My partner is requesting a bi-weekly schedule which was informally agreed upon already however due to something not going her way she refuses to let him see his child without a consent order (we think she is betting on him not being able to afford the process)
 
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barrister fees for representation for all hearings is likely to cost more around the 10-15K. It all depends if you can reach agreement before a final hearing.

It is unlikely that your ex will get legal aid but your partner can talk to https://mensadviceline.org.uk/.

It’s also not recommended to accuse the ex of too much as it will usually be construde as conflict between parents, and mother will get more custody.

Your partner can represent himself in court, known as Litigant in person. Many dads on this forum have to some success. It depends on his confidence, clarity and calmness.

As regards support the practical things include reading everything that he sends to court regarding the case impartially. Grounding your partner in correspondence, it’s very hard not to get emotional and you can help with this.

Apart from that just being there and distracting your partner as much as possible. The family court process is long and stressful and if you can help him not to be all consumed you literally could be a life saver.
 
mva said:
barrister fees for representation for all hearings is likely to cost more around the 10-15K. It all depends if you can reach agreement before a final hearing.

It is unlikely that your ex will get legal aid but your partner can talk to https://mensadviceline.org.uk/.

It’s also not recommended to accuse the ex of too much as it will usually be construde as conflict between parents, and mother will get more custody.

Your partner can represent himself in court, known as Litigant in person. Many dads on this forum have to some success. It depends on his confidence, clarity and calmness.

As regards support the practical things include reading everything that he sends to court regarding the case impartially. Grounding your partner in correspondence, it’s very hard not to get emotional and you can help with this.

Apart from that just being there and distracting your partner as much as possible. The family court process is long and stressful and if you can help him not to be all consumed you literally could be a life saver.
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Hey thanks for this.

Would he need a barrister for all hearings or can he just use one for the final hearing? - if an agreement is reached before the final hearing could he self-represent? how many hearings are there?

We are aware not mention anything accusatory and he is happy with that, however, if (more like when) her accusations come, is he okay to speak on what she has also done e.g. his unkind words were retaliation to her unkind words first or he should simply just admit fault?

Essentially, we are hoping we can skip past all of that and just reach the bi-weekly agreement which doesn't seem to be a big ask here. When he had his MIAM the mediator was in agreement with this but of course court can turn out differently I guess.
 
Echoing above, reading and helping with any forms will massively help. Continuing as normal with seeing him and perhaps low cost dates so he can get out and live will also be beneficial
 
There is usually at least 3 or 4 hearings. The process can take up to a year. It all depends on any accusations either side that might need investigating, also any safeguarding concerns. A barrister obviously will know the exes legal games and can shut down any accusations and get things like interim contact at an early stage.

Having a barrister for all hearings is obviously ideal but it depends on money. Your partner could just get a barrister for final hearing. Really depends how complicated it gets. Example if your ex has barrister for first hearing they might put pressure on ex and a consent order can be agreed then.

A fact find is when the judge thinks that any accusations need to be looked at , that needs to be avoided.

Apart from that if it gets to final hearing and your partner has evidence against ex then the barrister can triage what’s useful.

Your partner can get 30 mins free legal advice too.
 
Missymiss said:
Hey thanks for this.

Would he need a barrister for all hearings or can he just use one for the final hearing? - if an agreement is reached before the final hearing could he self-represent? how many hearings are there?

We are aware not mention anything accusatory and he is happy with that, however, if (more like when) her accusations come, is he okay to speak on what she has also done e.g. his unkind words were retaliation to her unkind words first or he should simply just admit fault?

Essentially, we are hoping we can skip past all of that and just reach the bi-weekly agreement which doesn't seem to be a big ask here. When he had his MIAM the mediator was in agreement with this but of course court can turn out differently I guess.
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Hiya, as bad as it sounds its really best not say anything in response to anything the ex has or will say in future unless its of major significance or a real safeguarding concern you have for the child. No doubt the ex will ramp up the vitriol when the court papers hit the door mat. Just ignore anything not child related from her. Don't inform her of what and when your doing or get into a txt, whatsapp email exchange.

The ex could go for the Nuclear option and allege Domestic abuse just to get legal aid. This would probably mean a knock at the door and a trip to cop shop. As @Ash has said, if this happens the best thing to do is give a "no comment" interview but a duty brief would advised based of the police disclosure of evidence which is usually trumped up BS.... I just think its best to be prepared..... expect the unexpected really.

As @mva and @Jayy_ said just be there for him, let have space if needed and just be supportive as you clearly are and that's a massive credit to you, he's a lucky guy.
 
Jayy_ said:
Echoing above, reading and helping with any forms will massively help. Continuing as normal with seeing him and perhaps low cost dates so he can get out and live will also be beneficial
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Yeah I will keep up the normalities of life whilst this is going on. Thanks!
 
mva said:
There is usually at least 3 or 4 hearings. The process can take up to a year. It all depends on any accusations either side that might need investigating, also any safeguarding concerns. A barrister obviously will know the exes legal games and can shut down any accusations and get things like interim contact at an early stage.

Having a barrister for all hearings is obviously ideal but it depends on money. Your partner could just get a barrister for final hearing. Really depends how complicated it gets. Example if your ex has barrister for first hearing they might put pressure on ex and a consent order can be agreed then.

A fact find is when the judge thinks that any accusations need to be looked at , that needs to be avoided.

Apart from that if it gets to final hearing and your partner has evidence against ex then the barrister can triage what’s useful.

Your partner can get 30 mins free legal advice too.
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A year :oops: I can't believe the system thinks it's okay for things like this to happen.

We for sure know we wouldn't be able to afford all hearings so will likely try to round up some funds for the final hearing.

He has never been aggressive towards her, he hasn't seen her in over a year. Just unpleasant words on both sides during arguments so I am struggling to understand how or why she would spin an abuser narrative however judging from other posts, anything is possible.

I'll get him to ring for the free legal advice. Thank you
 
Oneofmany said:
Hiya, as bad as it sounds its really best not say anything in response to anything the ex has or will say in future unless its of major significance or a real safeguarding concern you have for the child. No doubt the ex will ramp up the vitriol when the court papers hit the door mat. Just ignore anything not child related from her. Don't inform her of what and when your doing or get into a txt, whatsapp email exchange.

The ex could go for the Nuclear option and allege Domestic abuse just to get legal aid. This would probably mean a knock at the door and a trip to cop shop. As @Ash has said, if this happens the best thing to do is give a "no comment" interview but a duty brief would advised based of the police disclosure of evidence which is usually trumped up BS.... I just think its best to be prepared..... expect the unexpected really.

As @mva and @Jayy_ said just be there for him, let have space if needed and just be supportive as you clearly are and that's a massive credit to you, he's a lucky guy.
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What would be classified as major significance or safeguarding? they both have exchanged unpleasant words during arguments, would this be a major concern?

Could I ask why would it be best to say "no comment" as opposed to denying? I would have thought no comment would mean there's a possibility it's true?

Thank you. It is such an awful position to be in and I just wish she would consider their amazing child first and foremost. I will continue to support him in the best way possible.
 
Missymiss said:
A year :oops: I can't believe the system thinks it's okay for things like this to happen.

We for sure know we wouldn't be able to afford all hearings so will likely try to round up some funds for the final hearing.

He has never been aggressive towards her, he hasn't seen her in over a year. Just unpleasant words on both sides during arguments so I am struggling to understand how or why she would spin an abuser narrative however judging from other posts, anything is possible.

I'll get him to ring for the free legal advice. Thank you
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Does dad get any contact . Did ex ignore invite to mediation.
 
Major safeguarding.

Violence
Drugs & Alcohol abuse
Child Abuse
Severe Mental Health
Sexual assault

The problem is coercion & control accusations. Seems to be that the benchmark for these seem low in family court. Verbal abuse can be included.

Most separations with kids involved will have a degree of verbal argument that can be unpleasant and cruel from both sides. The issue is the man is often seen as the aggressor by caffcass and the courts.
 
Hi and welcome

Sorry just to be clear how much time would your partner like. In terms of say days / overnights per a fortnight
 
mva said:
Major safeguarding.

Violence
Drugs & Alcohol abuse
Child Abuse
Severe Mental Health
Sexual assault

The problem is coercion & control accusations. Seems to be that the benchmark for these seem low in family court. Verbal abuse can be included.

Most separations with kids involved will have a degree of verbal argument that can be unpleasant and cruel from both sides. The issue is the man is often seen as the aggressor by caffcass and the courts.
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Yes in my mind it's understandable if both parents are at it during a disagreement but it is so frustrating that he will be viewed as the aggressor. Should he admit fault to this early on or wait for the accusation?
 
Roblox said:
Hi and welcome

Sorry just to be clear how much time would your partner like. In terms of say days / overnights per a fortnight
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Hi! he is requesting 2 nights on the weekend, every other weekend. The reason for this is she has moved to the outskirts of London therefore the weekdays no longer make sense as doing the school run would be difficult and also unfair to his child.

Previously, he was seeing him every other weekend for 3 nights (taking him to school on Monday) and every other Wednesday and Thursday.
 
Missymiss said:
Yes in my mind it's understandable if both parents are at it during a disagreement but it is so frustrating that he will be viewed as the aggressor. Should he admit fault to this early on or wait for the accusation?
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He’ll have a caffcass interview. Mums usually get spoken to first , so caffcass might ask him for a response to any allegation. I wouldn’t recommend admitting fault unless in response. Best to just focus on what’s best for the kid, remain child focused.

2 nights a fortnight sounds reasonable. Though I would push for 3 so he can drop off pick up from school, if logistics work. Reduces conflict with mum at handover. Also you need to include holiday time.
 
mva said:
He’ll have a caffcass interview. Mums usually get spoken to first , so caffcass might ask him for a response to any allegation. I wouldn’t recommend admitting fault unless in response. Best to just focus on what’s best for the kid, remain child focused.

2 nights a fortnight sounds reasonable. Though I would push for 3 so he can drop off pick up from school, if logistics work. Reduces conflict with mum at handover. Also you need to include holiday time.
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Sure noted.

Yeah unfortunetly the logistics makes it difficult for the Monday. His child would need to wake up much earlier due to the likely hood of Monday morning traffic on the route they would need to take. We have checked it before and it was 1hr 15 if he was to make it on time to school and that was with minimal traffic talk less of unexpected London traffic.

Parents haven't had conflict during handover in the last couple years tbf, previously she would watch child go down the stairs in their flat and his dad would watch child come to the car (parked right outside). So hoping no issues would be had with this. They haven't had any face to face interaction for nearly 2 years now.

And yes sorry that is also his request, 50/50 on all holidays as well and he will simply spend his birthday with the parnet he is with which will more often fall on the mum due to weekday. She is particular about birthdays so he has been very flexible on that. He would be fine with a call and celebrate with during his weekend.
 
mva said:
when and why did contact stop.
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As he did not initate mediation immediatley.

She has done this before and usually is bluffing and has come back around. He assumed this was another of the times so did not act on it straight away. She then told him he would need to cover all legal fees and court fees and will not see his child until this is done ( this is why we belive she is counting on him to not follow through knowing he can't afford to be fully represented). He was waiting for it to blow over but it never did. He tried to resolve it amicably via emails, including creating a parenting plan for them to follow. However, she kept mentioning court.

Once he initiated mediation, the mediators were unable to get in touch with her. He also reached out using her usual details that they had been communicating by no less than 2 weeks prior and there was no response. He tried her partner and found he has been blocked by the partner also. I also messaged her partner and his response was that he can't tell her to respond to mediation and my partner should go through the next steps and never contact him again. He then blocked me also. We only did this to heavily avoid court but here we are. However in hindsight seems it probably is best way to go and hopefully the outcome is positive.

Seems her partner is pretty much in on it too or perhaps behind it as she has only mentioned court when they moved in together.

The medaitor said she is strongarming him as she is determined to get this to court. So we are sure she will pull a few tricks and delay the process.
 
Unsure what ex means by covering all legal fees. The actual court fee is only £250 odd. I think just get the C100 in asap. His ex will have to pay her own fees if she wants solicitor/barrister. She might be bluffing and capitulate after speaking to her own solicitor or caffcass.

If your partner has in writing that ex said he has to go to court or not see kids then thats good evidence for down the line.

Also once partner gets his C100 in he might recieve correspondance from her solicitor. Would advice not responding with own solicitor as the bills will just rack up.

In short C100 then see what her approach is.
 
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