Son Is acting out

[Dadcool50]

My older son is really acting out lately..

I grounded him for the weekend because he kicked his brother in the Nuts.

Now last night, I hear screams coming from their room. I walk in and see hi. Sitting on his brothers back.

I tell him to please get off this brother now, but before he does he slides so his butt is near his brothers face and proceeds to let one rip

 

[Ash]

Is this after the grounding and consequences for the last thing? It does sound concerning and like you say - acting out. He is hitting puberty and they can be a bit all over the place, but I wonder if something else is going on. Is it possible for them to have their own rooms? 12 year old boys get very keen on having their own space. It was a shock to me when it happened but they really want independence and their own space and are less interested in you and more interested in their friends.

I think rather than more sanctions, you maybe need to take him out on his own and have a kind of man to man chat with him - mostly listening. Ask him if there's anything worrying him at the moment and say he can talk to you about anything that's worrying him and it's good to share. I've done this with my son before. At first he says - no I'm fine. But then he thinks about it and all these things come tumbling out. Some are quite trivial some are things he's upset about. Then he feels better. Even though there's not much you can do or say.

To him his little brother will just be a PITA and he won't have any empathy. He could have some emotional thing going on. But it sounds like picking on his brother is becoming a habit. I think you need to separate them a bit and not leave them on their own so much. Maybe have different activities for both of them at different times? Do they go to any sports clubs?

 

[Ash]

Also - did you find out what happened? Sometimes the younger one drives them demented by hogging things, taking their stuff etc. And eventually the older one lashes out back (which is not good).

I think the age is the main thing though - they aren't going to play together well. The older one needs his own stuff and some independence and space from his brother. The younger one won't like that and will always want what big brother has because he aspires to be as grown up as big brother and also compete with him. Once the eldest one gets to 14 or 15 he is likely to be quite good with his younger brother. So sounds like some changes in lifestyle are needed and recognising that the eldest one isn't a kid any more - he's a pre-teen. I found it really hard as my son entered teens - what happened to that little boy who needed me?

Also I wasn't looked up to as a parent in the same way. They rebel if you try to do the usual parenting thing and can be rude. I actually had to read up some stuff. But you need to talk to them more on a one to one level - they have an adult brain intelligence wise, but not adult emotional maturity. So it's more about discussing things logically and reasoning and asking their opinion on things. I learned quite a lot from my son at that age - he was way ahead of me with tech stuff!

 

[Ash]

Just a thought - what video games is he playing? To me - it's just the old thing of "don't hit anyone smaller than you".