Hi All,
This is a difficult topic.
Working through the challenges of the court process before achieving a CAO, the relationship with the children has been abnormal.
As fathers battling to secure out children's futures, we have had to manage this in as child centric approach as possible keeping them out of the fray.
Inevitably the time we have got to spend with them is very focussed on entertaining the children & giving them important, positive memories.
This is as much a defence mechanism in case of the worst possible outcome for them, as it is just a distraction from what is really going on.
Depending on how long you are in the process, whether it is 1 years or 3 years, when you eventually come out the other end it takes time to breathe.
The adjustment to a new normal is, as positive an outcome that you might have, still a transition that needs time to settle down for every party.
The crux I have found to be is an expectation from the Children that there Dad must always be available & there must always be an activity to fill their time.
For those members who have come out the other side of court & had to manage the transition to a new normal - how have you helped your children cope?
I've seen a number of approaches for example:
- Statements are fuel for a child's resistance, ask questions instead to help disarm their negative energy
- Use 'I' statements instead of 'You' statements
- Collaborative parenting encourages children's involvement in family meetings, schedule setting, activity planning etc
Any members have other approaches to add or experiences to share?
Thanks MJ
This is a difficult topic.
Working through the challenges of the court process before achieving a CAO, the relationship with the children has been abnormal.
As fathers battling to secure out children's futures, we have had to manage this in as child centric approach as possible keeping them out of the fray.
Inevitably the time we have got to spend with them is very focussed on entertaining the children & giving them important, positive memories.
This is as much a defence mechanism in case of the worst possible outcome for them, as it is just a distraction from what is really going on.
Depending on how long you are in the process, whether it is 1 years or 3 years, when you eventually come out the other end it takes time to breathe.
The adjustment to a new normal is, as positive an outcome that you might have, still a transition that needs time to settle down for every party.
The crux I have found to be is an expectation from the Children that there Dad must always be available & there must always be an activity to fill their time.
For those members who have come out the other side of court & had to manage the transition to a new normal - how have you helped your children cope?
I've seen a number of approaches for example:
- Statements are fuel for a child's resistance, ask questions instead to help disarm their negative energy
- Use 'I' statements instead of 'You' statements
- Collaborative parenting encourages children's involvement in family meetings, schedule setting, activity planning etc
Any members have other approaches to add or experiences to share?
Thanks MJ