Out of the blue

[Austerman]

Hi everyone,
Last July I was packing a picnic with my 7 year old son in the garage, about to take the family's small boat out to the beach with my wife who was due back shortly ...next minute there's armed policemen telling me to stand still! I was arrested and handcuffed and loaded into the police van in front of my extremely distressed son.
I was accused of gbh and threatening with a firearm plus a long list of coercive behaviour! I was held for 32hrs. On release (with bail conditions of no contact allowed with her) I returned home and discovered no-one there, my desktop and all my papers missing, including my son's passport. No idea where they where, police refused to say anything. I got my bail conditions changed after several days and only discovered they where with social services when I went to report a missing child & saw their bikes in the council foyer!!
I haven't seen my son or spoken to him since then..wasn't allowed to send xmas card or presents..nothing, also for his 8th birthday. They said they could contain secret messages! And I can't have any contact because he will reveal her location!
The firearms mentioned are legal airguns and I've never pointed one at anybody and I did not assault her, the 'injuries' she has shown everyone are the result of a small surgical procedure carried out at the hospital. Nothing to do with me!
I've applied to court for a child arrangements order to try and get contact but it's labourisly slow. She now has her legal aid and visa (I was her sponsor)
The evidence to support her allegations have been demanded by 2 court orders but she has submitted nothing! (Not surprisingly) and nothing has happened, nobody seems to consider my son's obvious distress? Or the fact I might be totally innocent!!
also worth mentioning..I have a very close relationship with my son and we do lots of exciting activities together (Did) I know he's very upset not being allowed to see me.
The assessments by social services are incredibly biased and just repeat or add further allegations! (Unbelievable)
The evidence about the injuries could be easily sorted with a NHS report, the other allegations can easily be proven to be false and I discovered she neglected to divorce her previous husband! (Bigamy)..
My bail has just been extended to MAY! What are they investigating?
What the hell do I have to do to get some justice without selling everything to pay for a barrister??

Any Help or advise gratefully received!

 

[JX11]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Sadly looks like you are faced with an uphill battle, frustrating as it is nothing works quickly in the system. The police especially tend to drag things out and cause complete upheaval in your life. She has clearly weaponised them against you and even if you get nfa’d at the end of it the damage is already done. The process is the punishment and sadly they are quick to throw judgement for guilt, when you are proven innocent some way down the line there will be no consequences for the false lies and accusations.
That said keep working and grinding away eventually you will get a result.
Do you have any more background ? What stage are you at with the child arrangement order ??

 

[Razbert]

The original incident was when she fled last July. Did you find out where she went? Where are they now?

If it was a refuge to escape alleged Domestic Abuse / Violence, then that fact alone opens a whole can of worms. So coupled with the police arrest, the whole case is stacked against you from the outset. The system is based on the children's act, (court, Cafcass, police, social services etc.) and assumes guilt based upon what another part of that system has done to safeguard the children and mother. That means if the mother is in a refuge, then it's already assumed that a referral took place and correctly assessed all the risks. So all the interlocking systems reinforce each others decisions. And due to the nature of the allegations, the perpetrator must never be told anything in case he finds out where they are.

You're correct about bias - the problem is that it's built into the system - the bias is allowed to feed on false allegations. It's only when the false allegations eventually unravel in court that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately by then a great deal of damage has already been done to the relationship between you and your kids.

You've come to the right place. We can help you get through this together. Try to keep sane...

 

[Austerman]

Thanks for your response, and yes it was a refuge. I've taken court action to see my son and the court have ordered her to provide evidence, she has failed to do so 4 times now since 22/10/24! (She's obviously on legal aid too) judge also ordered full police disclosure and medical records (She's using pictures of a surgical procedure done by the NHS, saying it was me!) But nothing back...
Coercive behaviour allegations are easy to prove false too, ("locks me in the bedroom") door has a bolt on the inside!! but nobody is investigating! Bail extended again to end of April...
Emailed and called all involved but no one bothers to answer!
Don't want to spend my son's inheritance trying to see him! I also firmly believe he is being held against his will.

 

[Razbert]

Can you give us a timeline? You said that the police were involved back in July - what has happened to the police investigation? Were you ever charged or was it NFAd? You said the court asked for evidence 4 times since 22/10/24 - was that the first hearing? What did the Cafcass safeguarding letter recommend? Did the court order a fact-finding hearing? What about a section 7 report? Did the court order the disclosures and records by a certain date? Is the child's school involved? You said she has a visa which implies she's from overseas, and that she has the child's passport. Is there a flight risk? Have you asked for a prohibited steps order to stop the child from leaving the UK? You say she probably has legal aid, which is easy to get if she's in a refuge. That means she has a solicitor and a barrister. Are you representing yourself?

There's obviously a great deal going on - if you could give a bit more information we can help you without having to guess.

 

[Austerman]

Ok yes sorry didn't want to bore everyone to death! I applied for prohibited steps order and got it, I've also put in a c100. I'm on pre charge bail, so no charges, bail been extended 3 times now..cafcass was a carbon copy of social services assessment and didn't recommend contact originally but now not involved, c7 due next week from social services (be biased) judge saw no reason for preventing contact as the assault allegation was historic (03/2023) and she's been living with since.
Judge wrote that I should arrange with social services or her solicitor for intrim contact but neither respond! Seriously! Nothing. (Wasn't allowed to send card or presents!!)
Fact finding hearing 12th March.
I also put in a C2 application before xmas to try and see him during the festive period..nothing changed.
(I'm Thinking of pressing charges for false accusations, deprevation of character, theft, fraud, bigamy, child abduction and cruelty! My son has requested many times to see me and said he was unhappy because he couldn't)
It's a very nasty cruel mess!
(Behaviour of a narcissist?)

 

[Razbert]

I also put in a C2 application before xmas to try and see him during the festive period..nothing changed.
(I'm Thinking of pressing charges for false accusations, deprevation of character, theft, fraud, bigamy, child abduction and cruelty! My son has requested many times to see me and said he was unhappy because he couldn't)
It's a very nasty cruel mess!
(Behaviour of a narcissist?)

Yes, it's always a nasty cruel mess when narcissists are involved.

What happened about your C2 application - especially as the judge had previously said interim contact was OK? 12th March is another month away - are you prepared to wait? Can't you apply for an urgent hearing to hear the C2 application before then? It's a shame the judge didn't order contact at the hearing last year rather than suggesting you make your own arrangements. It seems as a consequence, social services and her solicitor are taking the p**s.

Pressing charges is clearly a step you would like to take, but because it then becomes a criminal matter, the burden of proof is different and the police will probably not be interested - unless you can provide rock solid evidence. The theft, fraud and bigamy charges might work if the evidence exists, but don't even think about the rest unless you have the resources of Brad Pitt! Although the false accusations dirty your character and ruin relationships with friends and relatives, and your ex has withheld your child from you and is probably trying to turn him against you, these are all issues which are part of the ongoing family court process, so the police will refuse to get involved.

 

[Austerman]

Thanks for your comments and advice..I thought maybe if I reported her for making false allegations the police might be compelled to actually investigate them! I can prove them all quite easily..the main reason I'm prevented from seeing or even speaking to my son is they fear he may disclose her location, which would be nonsense if the allegations are proven false! It appears I have the whole system against me. My son and I have become the victims!

 

[TwinDad]

Im so sorry you're going through this, it sounds like hell.

 

[Razbert]

Thanks for your comments and advice..I thought maybe if I reported her for making false allegations the police might be compelled to actually investigate them! I can prove them all quite easily..the main reason I'm prevented from seeing or even speaking to my son is they fear he may disclose her location, which would be nonsense if the allegations are proven false! It appears I have the whole system against me. My son and I have become the victims!

Exactly the same sad situation as me. Because she's in a refuge Cafcass recommended no contact for the same reason that the child might disclose her location. In my position statement which undermined many of the allegations, I asked the court to consider an order preventing me from finding out her whereabouts and to re-establish contact for the sake of the child. The judge agreed that the child's welfare overrides the risk and ordered supervised contact with conditions that I don't discuss the mother with the child. I was lucky to get a wise judge that could see the real possibility of false accusations that had led everyone to give her the benefit of the doubt to ensure the child's safety.

I had informally asked the police about false allegations and was told that the resulting crime is perverting the course of justice which carries a very high penalty. Because of that, the allegations would have to be very serious for the police to get involved. But also as
there's already a civil case, they wouldn't get involved unless Cafcass or the court requested a criminal investigation.

In your case you're still on bail which adds another layer of complexity. Would it be worth having a discussion with the police to explain about the evidence that the court had asked for 4 times? If you can get them to see you were being set up with the false allegations for her to get Home Office permission to stay due to DV, perhaps they will abandon the case against you and say no further action, and investigate her instead. It's possible that they're waiting for directions from the prosecution service, in which case it would be worth talking to them as well? It's possible that the investigation delay is because they're waiting for information about her status from the Home Office - who are notoriously slow in responding.

As your arrest was a criminal matter, you would have had free legal representation. Do you have a solicitor representing you for this matter?

 

[Razbert]

Here's a link about prosecutions for false allegations -

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidan...g-police-time-cases-involving-allegedly-false

 

[Austerman]

Thanks Razbert, sorry to hear you're having the same issues..I have a duty solicitor who just doesn't even bother answering my calls or emails..still waiting.
I demanded, and got, a meeting with social services who said they would recommend contact in their C7 report, having seen my evidence against the allegations and my relationship with my son (ignored it previously).
Next hearing due 12/03/25.
I'm sure my son was taken and is being held against his will..(there is no court order in place regarding him) if I get to see him and he confirms this, what's to stop me taking him back home? (She's in a hostel, hardly the place for a child! And she did just take him!) Any thoughts or suggestions? Just thinking ahead.

 

[childfirst]

Your case has an investigating officer (IO). Are you aware who this is and his the IO changed over time? After 9 months the police are no longer allowed to renew your bail at a senior officer level and it must go infront of the courts for them to decide.
Are you aware if your file has gone to the CPS yet? Each time it goes to the CPS your bail clock is paused.
From personal perspective and speaking to others often the IO will contact you and essentially ask if you consent to your bail being extended and I believe most people as they do want to cause confrontation say yes. When I have been asked I am polite and pass back the relevant piece of law outlining how my bail is extended. I also ask for the reason they are not in a position to make a charging decison and can they give me the name and shoulder number of the officer if bail is extended.
Your Duty Solicitor within the scope must make contact with the IO officer 14 days before bail runs out - Have you asked the solicitor for the full list of notes they took during the interview? You should have this if you don't in my opinion.
If you need to call the solicitor daily or visit the office you should do this.
I have found 101 live chat with the police to be very helpful when I was unable to get a response from the IO in telling me who the senior officer was.

 

[Razbert]

Thanks Razbert, sorry to hear you're having the same issues..I have a duty solicitor who just doesn't even bother answering my calls or emails..still waiting.
I demanded, and got, a meeting with social services who said they would recommend contact in their C7 report, having seen my evidence against the allegations and my relationship with my son (ignored it previously).
Next hearing due 12/03/25.
I'm sure my son was taken and is being held against his will..(there is no court order in place regarding him) if I get to see him and he confirms this, what's to stop me taking him back home? (She's in a hostel, hardly the place for a child! And she did just take him!) Any thoughts or suggestions? Just thinking ahead.

So now social services are recommending contact and the bail conditions only prevent you from contacting her and not your son, what about trying to get him away from her? You would have to involve social services for their support. You may also ask the police to be involved so they can see your objective is the welfare of your child and you want to be sure about the bail conditions, and also to prevent a possible breach of the peace.

If you do manage to get your son back, it will make a tremendous difference to the hearing in 3 weeks time. If you're not successful, at least you'll be able to show the court you were willing to try.

 

[Austerman]

I agree, social services have been 100% behind her up to now and wrote very biased reports! Only now, having seen the boss, am I being listened to!
I've no idea where they are, so would need contact to be able to take any action. I would hope if I had him and she took the court route they would be unlikely to grant her custody as she has no home or job!! (She is a woman though and we know what that means)
I've no faith in the courts, they seem to have no balls at all. She has got her visa, legal aid, food and accommodation, social support and my son, all by telling lies and has hoodwinked everyone! Incredible.

 

[Razbert]

I've no idea where they are, so would need contact to be able to take any action.

Try to have a face to face meeting with the same social services manager you spoke to before. Explain that you have fears for your child's immediate welfare and you wish to take him into your care pending the hearing in 3 weeks. Ask if they will support you by making the necessary arrangements as you don't know the child's whereabouts. I assume you are back in the family home and can properly accommodate the child. It's worth a try.

 

[Austerman]

Thanks again for your help, and yes I've just received a reply from the social worker boss and she's going to arrange contact (supervised) next week!! I'm so emotional I'm going to be dehydrated soon! They're going to monitor the contact and add notes about it to the assessment on the 03/03/25. If all goes well and he asks to come home I'm going to ask them to help us...fingers and everything crossed!

 

[childfirst]

Thanks again for your help, and yes I've just received a reply from the social worker boss and she's going to arrange contact (supervised) next week!! I'm so emotional I'm going to be dehydrated soon! They're going to monitor the contact and add notes about it to the assessment on the 03/03/25. If all goes well and he asks to come home I'm going to ask them to help us...fingers and everything crossed!

Amazing and Well Done - Each social services have a framework they use to monitor visits. Do speak to the social workers in advance "if he asks to come home". How do they want to handle this? What you don't want after all this amazing work by you they then hold it over you as you asked.
They do say never make the first move to hug etc when you walk into the room.
Best of luck