Other parent attempting to block attendance to School / Nursery events

[otaku]

I'm not sure if this is in the right section of the forum.
But long story short, my daughters nursery have a social event plans for kids and parents. The mother is trying to block me from attending (claiming DV etc). Our CAO doesn't have anything in it for things like this, how best should I play this?

 

[DB2021]

If it was me I would turn up.

Unless she has a court order stating you can’t which by the sounds of it she doesn’t.

You have as much right to be there as she does and it’s a usual tactic used by women like this to exclude you from important events etc.

I’d just send a polite but brief message saying you will be attending as you want to play a full and active roll in your child’s life which is what’s best for her.

I’m assuming you have already been to court? We’re the dv allegations used then and what was the outcome if you don’t mind me asking

 

[proud_dad]

I'm not sure if this is in the right section of the forum.
But long story short, my daughters nursery have a social event plans for kids and parents. The mother is trying to block me from attending (claiming DV etc). Our CAO doesn't have anything in it for things like this, how best should I play this?

I would just send the CAO to the school and say that you are an active parent with no safe-guarding flags, which the Family court agreed with by ordering a CAO.

If you've had a C7, I would then also state that the C7 CAFCASS officer did background checks on both parents as part of the process, resulting in no criminal record findings, no social services findings.

I would nip this in the bud now. I would also ensure that I would not sound defensive / apologetic when communicating with the school. I would not even offer an explanation as to why the mother is making claims. I am sure they hear this kind of thing all the time from both mums and dads.

 

[otaku]

Thanks for the reply.
@DB2021 We went to court and mum made DV claims. Judge denied need for fact findings and declared claims as "not relevant ", which is stated in the order.

@proud_dad - There hasn't been a section 7 yet, but cafcass and courts have found no concerns.
The mother, however, has gone to social services to re-make her claims and they have recorded her claims as fact, the nursery are aware of this. But those actions don't supersede the court order that states that there are no issues

 

[DB2021]

Thanks for the reply.
@DB2021 We went to court and mum made DV claims. Judge denied need for fact findings and declared claims as "not relevant ", which is stated in the order.

@proud_dad - There hasn't been a section 7 yet, but cafcass and courts have found no concerns.
The mother, however, has gone to social services to re-make her claims and they have recorded her claims as fact, the nursery are aware of this. But those actions don't supersede the court order that states that there are no issues

So she has no basis to keep you away other than going to the social services route which sadly so many times these social workers just accept what the women says as if they can do no wrong it’s the most sexist system I’ve ever come across.

I’d approach the nursery and as proud_dad said don’t explain yourself or be defensive just explain you have a court order etc and that you will be attending the event as a father as there are no welfare issues which have been shown by your CAO

 

[otaku]

Thanks for the input.

i sent this message to my ex's solicitors

I will be attending this event as I want to play a full and active role in our daughters life, which is what is best for her

and received this response

Dear xxx. We made it expressly clear in our correspondence that it is not agreed that you attend the nursery event.We gave you advance notice that (The Mother) shall be attending and given your ongoing controlling and harassing behaviour towards her, as well as the measures that are in place to prevent you and her directly meeting, it is wholly inappropriate for you to seek to attend the same event.

I've had no response from the nursery, so assume they don't object. Just the Mother trying to find ways to block.

Should I respond to the mother, or just leave it and attend the event?

 

[DB2021]

Hmmm typical solicitor response that they will try to bully you into submitting tbh you didn’t need to let them know you were going as you have a CAO but I think it’s a positive you did as it’s another way of showing your being child focused.

Does the court order say you can’t be near ex?

They are still trying to push the dv angle despite this being dismissed but the judge because she has raised it with Social services typical trick by them when they fail at court it’s all just a tactic to paint you as the villain and them the innocent party.

I’d politely reply to them saying there is nothing in the court order that states I cannot attend nursery events and shall be attending to support our daughter and just leave it at that.

As long as there’s nothing in place to say you can’t go where ex goes etc then you have every right to be there and her solicitor has zero right to stop you let them say what they want and just focus on your little girl ignore the noise from them.

 

[DB2021]

Thanks for the input.

i sent this message to my ex's solicitors


and received this response


I've had no response from the nursery, so assume they don't object. Just the Mother trying to find ways to block.

Should I respond to the mother, or just leave it and attend the event?

Also if you don’t attend I guarantee they will then say your not interested in daughters profession etc it’s a vicious circle with them.

I’d just send the above and then just ignore whatever else comes and attend.

Maybe put

“Dear xxxx

Thank you for your response.

I confirm again I have a CAO and due to there being nothing in the said CAO preventing me from attending I will attend to support our daughter as a loving father should.

Regards you

 

[BrainDad]

I'd get a solicitor to write to her solicitor and send her solicitor something like this:

Dear xxx,

I refer to your letter dated xxx and note you state as follows:

"... given your ongoing controlling and harassing behaviour towards her.."

As you are no doubt aware, the Solicitor's Regulation Authorities Guidance "Balancing Duties in Litigation" states and page 15 as follows:

"Although solicitors are not routinely obliged to challenge their own client's case, they must not advance arguments that they do not consider to be properly arguable and they must have regard to the proper administration of justice."

Please provide evidence of the "controlling and harassing behaviour" that you refer to.

In the event that this is not forthcoming, I consider your arguments to be not properly arguable. Any further allegations of this nature that are not backed up by evidence, will result in a letter to the Solicitors Regulation Authority expressing my concerns regarding a potential breach of 2.4 of the SRA Code of Conduct, because you have been unable to provide evidence and it appears that your assertions and submissions are not properly arguable.

My sole focus is the best interest of my child and I do not consider your conduct to be in our child's best interest if you are unable to produce evidence.


That should put an end to the solicitor's tactics and help reduce conflict.

 

[proud_dad]

If the CAO does not explicitly state that you cannot be in the same vicinity as the mother, or allude to something similar, then I would ignore the £70 letter from your ex's solicitor.

I would still write to the school to share CAO and state that you are an active father only interested in supporting your child, and maybe state that you and child's mother were found to have no safeguarding red flags.

I would attend event, but I'd make sure that you are far from ex and not in line of sight. I'd be ready to just be in waving sight of child as I'd not want child to feel loyalty conflicted.

I'm sorry that a simple event has turned into a drama. Many of us face this regularly.

 

[otaku]

Thanks @proud_dad, @BrainDad and @DB2021 for your input.
I also spoke to family, who were equally outraged and shared similar feedback, to simply inform of my attendance and go. Her claims of DV were deemed not relevant and she can sing that song as much as she wants, but it shouldn't have any bearing on child arrangements.

I'll send that response and see what they say. Either way, will attend the event

 

[Peanut 21]

My partner got the threatening solicitors letters in the early days. Ignore them.
They have no legal right to go above a judges decision and they know that.
More importantly, you're the dad. How dare they dictate what you do.
@BrainDad has done his home work and has you covered

 

[otaku]

Slight update on this.

So I attended the event. The mother didn't attend and withheld my daughter (so my daughter wasn't there either).
I've received no further response from the ex or her solicitors. In retaliation they've now filed for a prohibitive steps order to prevent me attending events that she also wants to attend.

She's produced a statement alongside her application which contains lots of lies and re-makes the same accusations that were heard in court and found not to be relevant.
I'm not sure how concerned I should be about this.

 

[Resolute]

I'd get a solicitor to write to her solicitor and send her solicitor something like this:

Dear xxx,

I refer to your letter dated xxx and note you state as follows:

"... given your ongoing controlling and harassing behaviour towards her.."

As you are no doubt aware, the Solicitor's Regulation Authorities Guidance "Balancing Duties in Litigation" states and page 15 as follows:

"Although solicitors are not routinely obliged to challenge their own client's case, they must not advance arguments that they do not consider to be properly arguable and they must have regard to the proper administration of justice."

Please provide evidence of the "controlling and harassing behaviour" that you refer to.

In the event that this is not forthcoming, I consider your arguments to be not properly arguable. Any further allegations of this nature that are not backed up by evidence, will result in a letter to the Solicitors Regulation Authority expressing my concerns regarding a potential breach of 2.4 of the SRA Code of Conduct, because you have been unable to provide evidence and it appears that your assertions and submissions are not properly arguable.

My sole focus is the best interest of my child and I do not consider your conduct to be in our child's best interest if you are unable to produce evidence.


That should put an end to the solicitor's tactics and help reduce conflict.

I really like that draft. Is there a possibility of making this a resource in some way?

 

[DB2021]

Slight update on this.

So I attended the event. The mother didn't attend and withheld my daughter (so my daughter wasn't there either).
I've received no further response from the ex or her solicitors. In retaliation they've now filed for a prohibitive steps order to prevent me attending events that she also wants to attend.

She's produced a statement alongside her application which contains lots of lies and re-makes the same accusations that were heard in court and found not to be relevant.
I'm not sure how concerned I should be about this.

I’m so sorry to hear this happened.

It’s just another standard tactic of these women didn’t let little one go just to spite you it’s horrible but they will do anything to cause trouble.

I can’t see how they would get the prohibitive steps order when the judge has already ruled the stuff there saying is not relevant. Just be prepared for them to sling even more mud to see what will stick,

Stay calm and composed and fully child focused which I know your doing these are just the hurdles we have to jump.

I can’t remember if you have a barrister? But if not don’t panic just be as you have been the judge saw through it last time and there good at spotting these attempts to bring the same things back in just written differently.

Her solicitor will be a dirty handed as they can to get what there client wants just don’t rise to it, they have no power over the court order you have you just need a water right strong full order which can be enforced if need be.

Stay strong mate we are all in this together.

 

[Pj66]

Sorry to hear this and the prohibited steps application, would it may be possible to piggy back of this, do what the exes normally do and vary the order?