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Need advice after leaving prison

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542rks

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Hi all ,this is my first post on this forum as I would like to get some advice on my current situation please.
I will start from the beginning.
At end of 2018 I have broke up with my ex that at the time I had a daughter with and she was pregnant with my second daughter. At the beginning of 2019 I have got myself into trouble due to my life situation, and went to prison for 3 1/2 years . Since I broke up with my ex, she denied contact with my children and has blocked all my family members on social so they cannot see photos of my children and cannot contact her. I have now been released from prison and I am on license for the next 3 1/2 years I would like to add that’s my case has nothing to do with my ex or my children. I’d like to get advice on how to go the legal way on about seeing my children. Because I know for a fact if she knows I was in prison and I’m on license now she’s gonna try and make my life difficult . So any attempt to contact her now directly. I know that she will start making things up etc. I have spoke to my Probation worker and notified her, she mentioned about getting social services involved ect . Can I please get some advice on how to go forward with this so I am in all means legally secure. Thank you.
 
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Have you got any funds for a solicitors ? You can get 30 mins free advice from solicitor. But guess your route will be letter to ex requesting contact , then mediation . If she refuses above then you would have to apply for court via C100. All needs to be done amicably. First call is free phone call with solicitor. I would be wary contacting ex directly at this stage , without legal advise . Others on the forum will offer more in depth advice.
 
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Hi and welcome.

It would help to know if you are on either birth certificate since this will initially determine a course of action. Take note of the comments regarding your ex and communication with her, in your circumstances the ice is very thin regarding anything deemed to be harrassing or the such like.

Take care, SS.
 
I would not even attempt to contact her directly. She could take out a non molestation order and then you have a more difficult hill to climb.

I would suggest starting mediation. To do that you go to the first appointment on your own and explain the situation. That's the MIAM (mediation information and assessement meeting). The mediator will then contact your ex and invite her to attend. She might decline or she may just not respond. If she hasn't agreed or responded within 2 weeks then the mediator can sign you off. The piece of paper you get at sign off is the one needed if you decide to apply to court (it's a page out of the C100 application form but signed by the mediator). This lasts for four months - so you can apply to court at any time during the 4 months after that. After that you'd need to have another MIAM.

The alternative, as suggested above, is get a solicitor to contact her. Personally I think I'd try the mediation route first - if your ex said she didn't want to see you the mediator might be able to get her to accept shuttle mediation (ie you're in different rooms and the mediator goes back and forth). My feeling is that, however nicely and gently worded, she will see a Solicitor's letter as hostile. Whereas being invited to mediation is perhaps less hostile.

Tbh if she won't go to mediation I'd just apply to court for an order and it'll all get sorted out there. But you want to avoid her taking out an NMO on you so suggest you don't try and contact any family members directly.

It also still does no harm to get a free half hour's legal advice on your situation - I suspect a solicitor will say the same as we have - but there may be something to do with your particular situation they know about that we don't that could be relevant. You can actually phone three different solicitors and get a free half hour with each - I've done that before - because some of them aren't that helpful and some seem a bit more interested or helpful.
 
StayStrong said:
Hi and welcome.

It would help to know if you are on either birth certificate since this will initially determine a course of action. Take note of the comments regarding your ex and communication with her, in your circumstances the ice is very thin regarding anything deemed to be harrassing or the such like.

Take care, SS.
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Hi, yes I am on one of the child’s birth certificate and not the other as we were split up and she did not put me down as a father. Thanks
 
Ash said:
I would not even attempt to contact her directly. She could take out a non molestation order and then you have a more difficult hill to climb.

I would suggest starting mediation. To do that you go to the first appointment on your own and explain the situation. That's the MIAM (mediation information and assessement meeting). The mediator will then contact your ex and invite her to attend. She might decline or she may just not respond. If she hasn't agreed or responded within 2 weeks then the mediator can sign you off. The piece of paper you get at sign off is the one needed if you decide to apply to court (it's a page out of the C100 application form but signed by the mediator). This lasts for four months - so you can apply to court at any time during the 4 months after that. After that you'd need to have another MIAM.

The alternative, as suggested above, is get a solicitor to contact her. Personally I think I'd try the mediation route first - if your ex said she didn't want to see you the mediator might be able to get her to accept shuttle mediation (ie you're in different rooms and the mediator goes back and forth). My feeling is that, however nicely and gently worded, she will see a Solicitor's letter as hostile. Whereas being invited to mediation is perhaps less hostile.

Tbh if she won't go to mediation I'd just apply to court for an order and it'll all get sorted out there. But you want to avoid her taking out an NMO on you so suggest you don't try and contact any family members directly.

It also still does no harm to get a free half hour's legal advice on your situation - I suspect a solicitor will say the same as we have - but there may be something to do with your particular situation they know about that we don't that could be relevant. You can actually phone three different solicitors and get a free half hour with each - I've done that before - because some of them aren't that helpful and some seem a bit more interested or helpful.
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Yes, thank you for your advice. I will definitely not try and contact her myself.This is what iam most scared about is she will do anything to mess my life up more , i will defenitely contact a solicitor regarding this . Thanks for help guys , appreciate it really .
 
Just make sure you don't run up lots of bills with solicitors! Maybe get the free advice first and then come back to us. If it's too confidential to post on here I'd be happy for you to message me then carry on generally on here.
 
Ash said:
Just make sure you don't run up lots of bills with solicitors! Maybe get the free advice first and then come back to us. If it's too confidential to post on here I'd be happy for you to message me then carry on generally on here.
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Yes hundred percent, thank you very much. Especially now that I’m out of prison I need to get back on my feet. I have change my life around, work full-time ect.
I will definitely return soon and update you on ce spoken to the solicitor. Thank you again.
 
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Just an update . After a long long wait and applying for child arrangement order I have a hearing on Monday via video link . Anyone know what I should expect .
 
542rks said:
Just an update . After a long long wait and applying for child arrangement order I have a hearing on Monday via video link . Anyone know what I should expect .
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Congratulations!

I guess the hearing is probably a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment - (FHDRA). These are usually 1 hour long. You will be before a Judge or Magistrates with a Legal Adviser.

This hearing is just to get the ball rolling. They can be short and sweet. They can be long and tough. Mine ended up going on for over 2 hours in total. But my ex made multiple applications with almost every allegation you can think of. Only one she left out was causing physical injury. I guess they might have wanted evidence for that one 😁.

At the FHDRA they want to cajole both sides into agreement. It can be very difficult to persuade a court to order something the resident parent says is unsafe for the children. Usually they want reports to base that sort of decision upon. I got lucky, but I was still living in the house with ex and child.

The aim is to make progress in any way you can. Getting time supervised in a contact centre will make it easier to take the next steps. At this point, I think you have to grab whatever you can. You need to have a Position Statement to submit before, or at the start of the hearing. It does not have to be long or complicated. Just a paragraph or two on the background, 1 or 2 on recent events, a short outline of the order you seek.

Please let us all know:

if you and your ex will have barristers

What you have applied for

What the safeguarding letter says

What allegations your ex has made

If there is an order against you yet, e.g. nmo

When you last saw the kids

Category of offence you served time for, very broadly, e.g. financial, sexual, acquisitive, drug and alcohol, violent...

What your end goal is, e.g. every other weekend, 50/50, a couple of teatimes a week...

A little about your financial situation, contact centres do not come cheap

Some details like that will help people say more about what to expect and how to go about things.
 
Resolute said:
Congratulations!

I guess the hearing is probably a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment - (FHDRA). These are usually 1 hour long. You will be before a Judge or Magistrates with a Legal Adviser.

This hearing is just to get the ball rolling. They can be short and sweet. They can be long and tough. Mine ended up going on for over 2 hours in total. But my ex made multiple applications with almost every allegation you can think of. Only one she left out was causing physical injury. I guess they might have wanted evidence for that one 😁.

At the FHDRA they want to cajole both sides into agreement. It can be very difficult to persuade a court to order something the resident parent says is unsafe for the children. Usually they want reports to base that sort of decision upon. I got lucky, but I was still living in the house with ex and child.

The aim is to make progress in any way you can. Getting time supervised in a contact centre will make it easier to take the next steps. At this point, I think you have to grab whatever you can. You need to have a Position Statement to submit before, or at the start of the hearing. It does not have to be long or complicated. Just a paragraph or two on the background, 1 or 2 on recent events, a short outline of the order you seek.

Please let us all know:

if you and your ex will have barristers

What you have applied for

What the safeguarding letter says

What allegations your ex has made

If there is an order against you yet, e.g. nmo

When you last saw the kids

Category of offence you served time for, very broadly, e.g. financial, sexual, acquisitive, drug and alcohol, violent...

What your end goal is, e.g. every other weekend, 50/50, a couple of teatimes a week...

A little about your financial situation, contact centres do not come cheap

Some details like that will help people say more about what to expect and how to go about things.
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Hello there , thank you for your reply and your advice . We both had Cafcass reports which were completed. They didn’t provide me with copy of reports as saying they’re not allowed because there might be sensitive information.
Here are few answers as you requested :
I do have a barrister however I have no clue if ex has one .
As far as I know Child arrangement order app has been submitted C100.
Not sure at this point if there are any allegations against me .
There is no order against me , she basically disappeared with my children . I saw my daughter last when she was 3yo in 2017 and ex was pregnant with my other daughter so I haven’t seen her since birth 🥲

I served 6y 8mo (half in prison and now second year on licence). It was for drug dealing and firearm possession.
Solicitor and myself have requested that contact centres at the start slowly progressing forward to unsupervised contact and weekend stays .

That’s about it to be honest. I work legimately , left that life behind (it was just a bad episode ) .
Living together with new parter and her child and living a happy life trying to fight to have my daughters in my life .
 
Perfect, it sounds like everything is in hand. I am impressed at how you have turned things around.

The barrister may well write a short statement for the day. Just a quick summary of what they plan to say at the start of the hearing. They should be able to get the court to order that Cafcass docs are served. You will then be able to see recommendations and work on any obstacles that come from their take on things.

Most of my hearings, unfortunately, I have been in person. My ex has always had a barrister. She has barely said a word, just sat there while the work was done for her.

Are you meeting the barrister an hour before the hearing? That will be useful to get on the same page.

Good luck 🤞🏻 🤞🏻 🤞🏻
 
Resolute said:
Perfect, it sounds like everything is in hand. I am impressed at how you have turned things around.

The barrister may well write a short statement for the day. Just a quick summary of what they plan to say at the start of the hearing. They should be able to get the court to order that Cafcass docs are served. You will then be able to see recommendations and work on any obstacles that come from their take on things.

Most of my hearings, unfortunately, I have been in person. My ex has always had a barrister. She has barely said a word, just sat there while the work was done for her.

Are you meeting the barrister an hour before the hearing? That will be useful to get on the same page.

Good luck 🤞🏻 🤞🏻 🤞🏻
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Thanks for all your support , It’s all going to be via video link so will be on the phone to barrister prior to that , only because I only received email with hearing date and time on Friday and hearing is on Monday , so it’s a bit of a rush situation 😏
 
Also why wouldn’t Cafcass let me have neither of the reports . When I asked they said the court needs to give permission and they can’t just give them out like that . It’s weird to be honest
 
If Cafcass believe that information in the report is sensitive they will not release. If the officer felt that their view on things would cause a ruckus. They might not have wanted it in the mix before the hearing. It is not necessarily a negative for you.

For example, they might think that telling your ex you should see the children would set her off and cause issues. Who knows, they might think orders need to be made against you before things can progress. If they saw possibility of you presenting risk to the children without those orders...

EDIT
It is deferring to the court and letting any ramifications of releasing docs be on them.
 
Resolute said:
If Cafcass believe that information in the report is sensitive they will not release. If the officer felt that their view on things would cause a ruckus. They might not have wanted it in the mix before the hearing. It is not necessarily a negative for you.

For example, they might think that telling your ex you should see the children would set her off and cause issues. Who knows, they might think orders need to be made against you before things can progress. If they saw possibility of you presenting risk to the children without those orders...

EDIT
It is deferring to the court and letting any ramifications of releasing docs be on them.
Click to expand...
Yeah , she has other children with different partner so that could be the case they have sensitive information there regarding other children ect?
 
Also wanted to add that that if allegations are against me from her side for whatever reason , I do have multiple screenshots of our conversations while being with her in relationship where I was calm and collected and she was abusive and agressive towards me or a video where she throws out my clothes from wardrobe telling me to get out as I was 30 min late from work in traffic which is ridiculous. Wondering now how can I use that , perhaps with a story letter to the judge , can this be evidence , also want to add that the conversations are in another language so would need to translate them . Thanks for all the support.
 
Hopefully you will not need to go down that road. If you do, counter allegations may not be your best bet. Allegations are a distraction. The longer that distraction goes on, the longer it takes for you to establish your place in the kids' lives.
 
Resolute is giving you informed opinion, far better informed than mine. But fwiw it seems that you are able to demonstrate a clear arc of changing your life for the better. You can demonstrate how you have turned things around and patiently worked to get back into your child's life.

This in the face of her unproven allegations has to be a strong hand, stronger surely than throwing allegations back at her. Take the higher ground.
 
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