Mother stopped contact

[SB7]

Yes, they certainly enjoy the process. These types of women seem to wallow in the drama and forget the children's feelings.
It's important that you tell the judge that although you didn't want it to come to this that your ex should be punished. My partner made the mistake 2 years ago of letting his ex off when the judge asked if he wanted his ex to be punished. It's got to be worded in the right way so you don't sound vengeful. It can be a catch 22 situation because if you let her off she gets away with it and will breach again. If you go ahead she can then tell your child 'daddy punished me for trying to protect you' or some other BS.
Have you ever written a position statement before? If not I can try and find an old one (removing personal details etc obviously).

Hi
Previously everything was done via solicitors and had nothing with paperwork. It would be kind of you to send me a template so I can make a start. The hearing is in 6th December but statement is due now

 

[SB7]

I would second having to be careful with that as regards punishment. It needs to be the right "punishment" to be a deterrant rather than making them worse. Anything that restricts parental responsibility is something that makes them think twice in case the next thing is losing residency. I had costs ordered on one occasion. That should have been a detterant but it made things worse and they didn't get paid. Quite difficult to enforce costs as well so I cut my losses there. A better option would be a penal notice. A penal notice can be asked for - it must be on the front of the order, to be valid and means that they could be imprisoned if they breach again. Even then it's not that simple - if she did breach again you still have to apply for the penal notice to be enacted (and it does seem courts are reluctant to send Mothers to prison).

If it's the type of person that Peanut 21 describes then nothing will be a deterrant - they are bold and think the court will never send them to prison. So in my view the best thing to ask for is a suspended residence clause. This is a clause in an order that says, if she breaches again, residency will be transferred. That is quite a big deterrant as then she loses money - the child benefits and the CMS. And control and power. Even if residency is transferred they can still work on the kids and try and alienate them or get them to refuse to come back by threats and coercion. The main difference is you have more power and if she does do bad stuff to coerce the kids, you can withold them. And have the best chance of counteracting and undoing any alienation attempts.

Yes courts don't like to see one parent asking for "punishment" for the other so I would suggest couching it something like "the court may wish to consider making a suspended residence clause, curbing the Mother's parental responsibility, to encourage her to comply with court orders in future and to help ameliorate the effects of any negativity towards me on the children."

The thing is - even for a suspended residence clause, they have to do a section 7 to see if transfer of residence is suitable - just as they would for a transfer of residence, because it could happen immediately a breach is proven.

Hi
I really want to avoid going back ro court and give ex excuses ro stop contact again but I'm sure she will do. I think suspended residence clause sounds good. Ex doesn't know anytavout the assault just saw the bruises which I've told everyone that I fell off when gardening. The only concern is taking 5 months to do apply which Judge may ask

 

[Ash]

Is this for a position statement, or a full statement for final hearing? There's a sample position statement in the Legal Resources section at the top of the page.

 

[Peanut 21]

Hi
Previously everything was done via solicitors and had nothing with paperwork. It would be kind of you to send me a template so I can make a start. The hearing is in 6th December but statement is due now

I've sent you a private message. I'll attach a template shortly.

 

[SB7]

Update
I went t Court to represent myself which was stressful to begin with. Ash helped me with statement (thanks) and I also wrote a position statement. The judge was the same judge that ordered CAO so he was a circuit judge and familiar to the case.
What went well was the order reinstated straight away. It is a built up as it was 6 month or so I didnt see the children. This is temporary for 4 weeks every week for the whole day. And after that utvwill get back to what it was. Judge wanted to see us back to court after a few months to check how things are going.
What didn't go well was I felt that judge was having a go at me for missing contacts. There were occasions that I was poorly and had xovid etc so had to miss seeing the children. Another thing was why it took so long for me to apply for reinforcement also I made no attempt to see the children etc even though I explained the reason and ex made it clear that she won't make the children available.
Judge didn't tell ex anything for breaching the order and made me feel it was all my fault!

 

[Ash]

Good news you have the contact starting back up. I read your ex's statement so the Judge probably just took her word for it, hence blaming you. I think they tend to try and find fault with both parties usually so as not to seem like favouring one over the other (which they should sometimes). The Judge seems to have decided you were both at fault communication wise. But the message is clear now - don't give your ex any ammunition in future. Always take the children even if you're sick (you can make your own arrangements and get someone to help out).

Although it sounded like the Judge was blaming you, they would also be aware that the only reason you weren't seeing the children was because the Mother prevented it and was making excuses. As there's a further hearing, the Judge will want to see the order has been followed. This next hearing would also be an opportunity to ask for any amendments to the order - eg about communication or amending the clause that says one person will look after the children if the other is sick.

The other reason she maybe didn't say much to the ex is because not a lot happens at enforcements - there are no real punishments, but the Judge has made it clear to the Mother she must follow the order and wants you to come back so she can see it's been followed.