Making a Child arrangements order application if father is a victim of domestic abuse

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Hi, I am not a dad but I am a mum of a wonderful son who is an excellent dad despite only being 22.



He was with his now ex for only 6 months before she got pregnant and already had a son of her own. They were together for 3 years and we have only recently found out how bad the relationship was and that she had been severely emotionally, physically, financially abusive and controlling and coercive towards him since he started living with her.



The relationship ended on late last year when she called the police alleging domestic abuse. The police have NFAd him and are still investigating her for abusing him. She has been messaging him daily trying to get him to get back with her and he has thankfully ignored her.



They had mediation today where he has asked for 50/50 shared care and advised that his son has his own bedroom, clothes and toys here. The ex went crazy shouting and accusing him of all sorts and then said mediation won’t work and ended the teams meeting.



We are going to make an application to court for a child arrangements order. I have a law degree and used to work in a family law firm but things have changed in the last 6 years. Can anyone advise if we would be best placed filling in a C1a form advising of the domestic abuse he suffered or not?

 

[Resolute]

Hi and welcome,

Sorry to hear what your family is going through.

The decision on a C1A is finely balanced and needs careful judgment. Often, it is better to avoid getting tied up in arguments about which parent is nastier. This can be especially true for a young child that is predominantly in the ex's care.

As it stands, how often is your grandson with your son?

Is there genuine reason to believe the child is not safe in his ex's care?

Does your son or his ex have: a criminal record, drug/alcohol issues, mental/physical health problems, problems managing money...

Have social services been involved?

How involved was your son in the day to day care of the child before December?

Does your son have a relationship with services involved with the child? E.g. health, nursery...

Did he get sign off from the mediator today?

As you are probably aware, the family court is pretty archaic at times. Fathers are often not given equal parental status. There can be resistance to the idea of children under 2 years of age being away from the mother. A member recently posted about the court deciding he should not get significant time until after the child starts school. All of the time spent in legal proceedings is time not spent establishing a consistent role as father.

I don't mean to be all doom and gloom! Just pointing at some potential pitfalls. Success in these situations means treading a very careful line.

Getting the C100 in first would be a good idea. This would mean that his ex is the one making a counter attack. Maybe there is good reason to do a C1A in this particular case. Even without a C1A, police stuff should come up in the safeguarding letter.

Sorry, this post is more questions than answers

Every case is different

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Thank you for responding and helping with advice .



From reading a lot of the other posts on this amazing website of advice I could see that the decision on whether to make a C1A needed careful judgement. We obviously want the C100 application to be all about the child and what is in his best interests, and don’t want to be seen as mud slinging. We are just worried she may respond with a C1A full of false allegations of abuse, which appears to be a tactic of most hostile ex’s.



My grandson hasn’t been with his son since 22nd January, the day after his birthday because the ex is claiming she has safety and wellbeing concerns, despite not having any when he has had him overnight and during the day on three consecutive weekends in December and January.



The ex is not a great mother, she often falls asleep whilst the child is in her care and he has drawn on himself and poured bleach on himself. Only recently in the second week of January he fell down the stairs from top to bottom because she did not have any stair gates installed. She never tidied or cleans the house and leaves dirty nappies in the rooms. She has previously shouted in the child’s face and growled at him and told my son to sort him out before she hits him. She has also tried to commit suicide three times last year and threatened it twice this year.



My son has no criminal record, he has no drug and alcohol issues, no mental/physical health problems, and no problems managing money now he’s not with the ex (He is police IT staff, although currently suspended due to her false allegations to the police and PSD are investigating internally for misconduct due to these false allegations). The ex has no criminal record but has an ongoing investigation for the domestic violence against my son, no alcohol problems, she has overdosed twice on prescription medication, she has an emotionally unstable personality disorder and is not good with money.



Social services were involved because the Police were called but they had no concerns for my son’s care for the child. They said they also had no concerns for the child whilst he is with the ex either.



My son was a very involved dad and when not at work helped with every day care of the child. This was however limited someone the ex as she would not let my son take the child anywhere on his own, as she said she has overall say on the child so he had to stay with her at all times.



There are currently no services involved with the child as he is only 2. My son did attend drs when the child went and the ex stopped taking him to the health visitor when he was 14 months old because she thought they were interfering. The ex told him today in mediation that he is due to start preschool in April, although she has signed him up to a preschool my son does not want him to go to and did not consult him.



He did get sign off from mediation today.



I am very aware of the archaic family court system and the fact that very good fathers are being denied equal parental status. The long time spent in legal proceedings is not fair on the child or parents and I’m sure there are ways of making things more simpler and efficient, such as automatic shared care for those that want it as a starting point.



I don’t see your post as soon and gloom just honest advice from finding out the hard way I’m sure.



We will be putting in a C100 tomorrow and possibly a C1A if it’s the right thing to do. What safeguarding letter? Is that the one Caffcass prepares for the court?

 

[Resolute]

What safeguarding letter? Is that the one Caffcass prepares for the court?

Yes

The letter would usually be available at the first hearing. Unless its an urgent hearing.

Thanks for the detailed response to questions I asked. You have a lot to decide upon in very little time. If your application is in first it gives advantage. The applicant's representative is in the driving seat to a degree. Especially when it comes to drafting orders. My priority would be to get the application completed and filed.

One option is to just answer each question totally honestly. If this takes you down the C1A route then so be it. The C1A is then on record, it does not necessarily need to be a big focus. Very short factual answer to each section of the C1A can be completed in no time. It is mostly ticking boxes.

Wait and see what others think in light of your more detailed description. Tbh, I am not strongly pulled towards either conclusion.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Thank you for your advice.

I will prepare the C100 application today and my son will take it to the nearest family court tomorrow.

I look forward to hearing what others say re the C1A .

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

One other question after reading Ash’s post on how to complete the C100, my son wants shared care 50/50 despite his ex abusing him for 3 years. Is it a good idea for shared care if the ex is an abuser or would it be best to ask for the child to live with him and see the mother?

 

[Ash]

Hello and welcome. You could try contacting the Mankind Initiative. They may give him a letter confirming the abuse he has had but to be honest, as resolute says, it is better not to raise allegations about the Mother and focus on arrangements for the child, now they are separated.

So many people think that showing abuse by the ex is a defence against any allegations she may make, but it isn't. The way family courts work is simply "the best interests of the children" and it's bad but they are not the slightest bit interested in any abuse of a man.

What happens, if both parents make allegations against each other (whether true or not) is that Cafcass decide there is "conflict between parents" which they feel is bad for the child and then you are very unlikely to get a 50/50 order. They would then leave the child with the mother and give minimal time to the Father to keep the child out of "conflict". It happens time and time again. The other thing is if both parents make allegations, it will probably go to a fact finding hearing - this increases the length of time of a case a lot and can get very expensive - it could be two years before a final hearing. It is better to avoid a fact find if possible, if he wants a 50/50 shared care order.

All Cafcass are interested in is - is he a good Dad. They consider a good Dad to be someone who doesn't criticise the Mother and who is positive about co parenting, (even if it's via an app). It is tempting to tell all and have someone listen but it doesn't get results.

You need to be focused on the end goal, which is getting a 50/50 shared care order. Let her make allegations - they are more likely to be dismissed as she'll have no evidence. Fact finds can make a case go very wrong. They are judged on the "balance of probability" and even if you "win" a fact find, there is then a Section 7 report with Cafcass and commonly what happens is Cafcass decide to believe the Mother anyway even if the Judge has found in the Father's favour.

You need to be smart in dealing with this. There is a lot of pain and emotion involved in a break up and even trauma.

Going back to me mentioning getting a letter from Mankind - this could be helpful if he wants to apply for legal aid to cover the costs of lawyers for the Child Arrangements process. Only one parent can get the legal aid though. So it's basically about who applies first. She could easily get it and it's one reason Mothers claim abuse is to get free lawyers.

I would get the C100 off asap though as now mediation is ended his ex will know he'll be applying to court next and may try and get an application in first. I think it's better to "get in first" with a measured and well written application that is child focused, rather than be wrong footed and on the defence from her application.

I am happy to help with application wording as there is certain language that goes down well. There are some examples in legal resources above (wording for 5b).

In some ways, getting the legal aid would be justification enough that he has been the victim of abuse, rather than having to raise it within the Child Arrangements process. It is much better not to raise it. Whether he has been abused by his ex or not, the goal is to get a child arrangements order.

 

[Ash]

One other question after reading Ash’s post on how to complete the C100, my son wants shared care 50/50 despite his ex abusing him for 3 years. Is it a good idea for shared care if the ex is an abuser or would it be best to ask for the child to live with him and see the mother?

Posted at the same time To be frank there isn't a hope in hell of getting lives with Dad, spends time with Mother. The system is far too biased towards Mothers for that. The only way that would happen is if she was arrested or imprisoned for child abuse with witnesses and evidence, or if social services took the child away from her. Anything you say about the Mother being unfit will be seen as "conflict". It's just the way it works.

The best option is to get the 50/50 order and keep it child focused and don't say anything negative about the ex (a bit of a mantra). Once he has that order he is in a much stronger position, with equal shared care - so if there are any concerns in future, he is in a stronger position to obtain sole "residency". But even in very serious cases that have been going on for years, if a Mother has done terrible things, the outcome is often still only 50/50.

 

[Ash]

I'll just add - although it can be hard dealing with an ex when you've been the victim of abuse - there are ways it can be managed to minimise any contact at all., Firstly he'd want a clearly defined order (ie dates times etc defined) so there is virtually no communication needed about pick ups and drop offs etc - only in case of emergency or some minor thing like where to leave a pe kit - you could even have written into recitals that pe kit will be left at school and the parent whose week-end it is will take it home for washing and return to school wiht child on Monday. You could have what will happen with school lunches written into recitals as well (eg each parent to provide packed lunch on their respective care days, or - child will have school lunches).

I'm guessing the child isn't old enough to be at school yet though. I hope your son is getting some support and counselling to deal with this - and it would be worth contacting mankind as they can be supportive too. But don't delay getting the C100 in.

With a C1A - unless you have hard evidence to attach, it will just be seen as mud slinging. And really that form is meant for abuse of the child or the Mother. I did submit one once - for psychological and emotional abuse of myself and child and did have evidence from social services to attach - it was still basically ignored by Cafcass. And my solicitor at the time said - they're not interested in anything that's happened to you - just the child.

It's tricky if the child is too young to be at school as that can be reassuring. Social services often aren't much help.

Is he getting to see his child at all at the moment?

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Hello and welcome. You could try contacting the Mankind Initiative. They may give him a letter confirming the abuse he has had but to be honest, as resolute says, it is better not to raise allegations about the Mother and focus on arrangements for the child, now they are separated.

So many people think that showing abuse by the ex is a defence against any allegations she may make, but it isn't. The way family courts work is simply "the best interests of the children" and it's bad but they are not the slightest bit interested in any abuse of a man.

What happens, if both parents make allegations against each other (whether true or not) is that Cafcass decide there is "conflict between parents" which they feel is bad for the child and then you are very unlikely to get a 50/50 order. They would then leave the child with the mother and give minimal time to the Father to keep the child out of "conflict". It happens time and time again. The other thing is if both parents make allegations, it will probably go to a fact finding hearing - this increases the length of time of a case a lot and can get very expensive - it could be two years before a final hearing. It is better to avoid a fact find if possible, if he wants a 50/50 shared care order.

All Cafcass are interested in is - is he a good Dad. They consider a good Dad to be someone who doesn't criticise the Mother and who is positive about co parenting, (even if it's via an app). It is tempting to tell all and have someone listen but it doesn't get results.

You need to be focused on the end goal, which is getting a 50/50 shared care order. Let her make allegations - they are more likely to be dismissed as she'll have no evidence. Fact finds can make a case go very wrong. They are judged on the "balance of probability" and even if you "win" a fact find, there is then a Section 7 report with Cafcass and commonly what happens is Cafcass decide to believe the Mother anyway even if the Judge has found in the Father's favour.

You need to be smart in dealing with this. There is a lot of pain and emotion involved in a break up and even trauma.

Going back to me mentioning getting a letter from Mankind - this could be helpful if he wants to apply for legal aid to cover the costs of lawyers for the Child Arrangements process. Only one parent can get the legal aid though. So it's basically about who applies first. She could easily get it and it's one reason Mothers claim abuse is to get free lawyers.

I would get the C100 off asap though as now mediation is ended his ex will know he'll be applying to court next and may try and get an application in first. I think it's better to "get in first" with a measured and well written application that is child focused, rather than be wrong footed and on the defence from her application.

I am happy to help with application wording as there is certain language that goes down well. There are some examples in legal resources above (wording for 5b).

In some ways, getting the legal aid would be justification enough that he has been the victim of abuse, rather than having to raise it within the Child Arrangements process. It is much better not to raise it. Whether he has been abused by his ex or not, the goal is to get a child arrangements order.

Thank you for your help. We won’t fill in the C1A and my son did speak to mankind yesterday and will be talking to them again today. The Police have advised him to get a nonmolestation order due to continued harassment and her making further false allegations to the police.

We are completing the C100 as we speak and he will go and see a legal aid solicitor this afternoon, although he’s not sure he will get legal aid due to his income level although he is suspended form work and may lose his job due to her false allegations.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

I'll just add - although it can be hard dealing with an ex when you've been the victim of abuse - there are ways it can be managed to minimise any contact at all., Firstly he'd want a clearly defined order (ie dates times etc defined) so there is virtually no communication needed about pick ups and drop offs etc - only in case of emergency or some minor thing like where to leave a pe kit - you could even have written into recitals that pe kit will be left at school and the parent whose week-end it is will take it home for washing and return to school wiht child on Monday. You could have what will happen with school lunches written into recitals as well (eg each parent to provide packed lunch on their respective care days, or - child will have school lunches).

I'm guessing the child isn't old enough to be at school yet though. I hope your son is getting some support and counselling to deal with this - and it would be worth contacting mankind as they can be supportive too. But don't delay getting the C100 in.

With a C1A - unless you have hard evidence to attach, it will just be seen as mud slinging. And really that form is meant for abuse of the child or the Mother. I did submit one once - for psychological and emotional abuse of myself and child and did have evidence from social services to attach - it was still basically ignored by Cafcass. And my solicitor at the time said - they're not interested in anything that's happened to you - just the child.

It's tricky if the child is too young to be at school as that can be reassuring. Social services often aren't much help.

Is he getting to see his child at all at the moment?

He does have evidence of the abuse, photos of injuries, controlling text messages, witnesses of the abuse and bank statements where almost all his money went to her bank.

His son is 2 so not in school yet or preschool, although the ex is trying to get him into a preschool without discussing with my son which preschool he should go to. She has chosen the one her other son went to where it’s child led and they reward the children with sweets for assaulting other children.

Unfortunately she stopped all contact on 23rd January. My son had him on 22nd to 23rd, his birthday was 21st but the ex wouldn’t let him see him because my son refused to spend the day with her due to the abuse and she said he can’t have him anymore due to her concerns for safety and wellbeing but won’t say what they are.

She keeps sending him messages asking him to go back to her and saying this can all end if he just goes back, but if he won’t go back it will get worse for him.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Good morning,

My son has a date for the first court hearing, which is in April. Does anyone have any advice for the cafcass interview? Does he tell them about being a victim of DA and that there is a police investigation where she is the perpetrator and he the victim?

She completed a C1A that was full of the same allegations for when she had him arrested and he was NFA’d she has also made up other safety and wellbeing concerns that are untrue such as our house being unsanitary and we are all alcoholics and she is scared their son will be emotionally physically and psychologically abused when in my sons care. My son is now wondering if be should have put the C1A in too.

She managed to get legal aid and my son is paying for a direct access barrister.

Hopefully you all have some good helpful advice as before.

 

[Ash]

Glad you have a hearing date. This is a tricky one. At what stage is the police investigation? If he had submitted a C1A he could have attached evidence of abuse - if he has any evidence. Otherwise, Cafcass will just hear both parents making allegations about each other - and of course they don't know who is telling the truth. So they will probably recommend a fact find hearing.

So what needs to be considered is - how much he wants to prove her abuse, and what is the best strategy to get the best order to see his child. The reason I say it's tricky is - even if he is a victim of abuse, the family courts aren't always the most Dad friendly places.

 

[Ash]

I would suggest he tells Cafcass that the ex regularly asks him to get back together with her, and when he says he doesn't want to, she accuses him of things. And the reason he doesn't want to get back together, is because the relationship was very bad and he couldn't cope with it any longer. And not mention the words abuse or victim. But that he wants to find a way to coparent with some distance between them - perhaps via an app and a well defined order. That he has no animosity towards his ex, but he wants to lead separate lives but both love their child.

ie don't make it all about allegations. If there is a police investigation going on, Cafcass will probably see that when doing their checks. If you don't know the outcome of that yet, it might be better not to mention it unless they ask. The Police might close the case with no further action and the courts would then see that as dismissed allegations.

The danger in both parents accusing each other is, Cafcass class that as "conflict between parents" - regardless of who the abuser is - and to Cafcass they see that as the child being in the middle of conflict so they just give the child to the Mother and minimal time to the Father, to keep the child out of conflict. This is why you need to think carefully about how to handle things. It's important to keep it child focused as well with Cafcass and not just about the ex. He could try and drop in things about the things his child likes doing with him, the stage he's at now and how good he is at xyz. So he sounds like a Dad and not just like someone who is talking about their ex. If that makes sense.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

The police are obtaining one further witness statement and then sending the case to CPS for a charging decision for 2 x assault ABH. They are also considering an if there is enough evidence to seek a charge for an offence of controlling and coercive behaviour.

He does have photographs of the assaults and a diary entry on the day of assault to say what happened. He also has evidence of financial abuse.

He doesn’t want to get involved in mud slinging however knows that cafcass will have the information from the police re the investigation, so isn’t sure how much detail to give. He just wants what’s best for his son and believe me that’s 50 50 shared care.

Can a C1A be submitted now or is it too late?

 

[Ash]

Sorry I just edited my post above a bit more - if you want to read back. Ok so the Police are taking it seriously then. I think he needs some good legal advice in this situation. Maybe a consultation with the barrister he is going to use.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

I would suggest he tells Cafcass that the ex regularly asks him to get back together with her, and when he says he doesn't want to, she accuses him of things. And the reason he doesn't want to get back together, is because the relationship was very bad and he couldn't cope with it any longer. And not mention the words abuse or victim. But that he wants to find a way to coparent with some distance between them - perhaps via an app and a well defined order. That he has no animosity towards his ex, but he wants to lead separate lives but both love their child.

ie don't make it all about allegations. If there is a police investigation going on, Cafcass will probably see that when doing their checks. If you don't know the outcome of that yet, it might be better not to mention it unless they ask. The Police might close the case with no further action and the courts would then see that as dismissed allegations.

The danger in both parents accusing each other is, Cafcass class that as "conflict between parents" - regardless of who the abuser is - and to Cafcass they see that as the child being in the middle of conflict so they just give the child to the Mother and minimal time to the Father, to keep the child out of conflict. This is why you need to think carefully about how to handle things. It's important to keep it child focused as well with Cafcass and not just about the ex. He could try and drop in things about the things his child likes doing with him, the stage he's at now and how good he is at xyz. So he sounds like a Dad and not just like someone who is talking about their ex. If that makes sense.

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you for this. He has set out some bullet point of what he wants to tell them like going to the park with his son and the zoo when he came to see him last and how he was a hands on dad. And how he looked after him when working from home and the mum was working or at college etc

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

Sorry I just edited my post above a bit more - if you want to read back. Ok so the Police are taking it seriously then. I think he needs some good legal advice in this situation. Maybe a consultation with the barrister he is going to use.

Thankfully he has a consultation on Wednesday with the barrister so hopefully he has some good advice.

He has also signed up to a co-parenting online course and already has safeguarding, safety and first aid certificates.

 

[Ash]

That sounds good. It's a very tricky position he's in. I think if the Barrister is aware of the full situation, they can also advise on how to approach things. They tend to do straight talking and know the law inside out. Because part of all this comes down to the law, which isn't always rational in a family court. They don't like to see good guy and bad guy - they see "parents". Although can certainly see good guy and bad guy if a Mother is a victim of abuse!

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

It’s a very tricky position indeed. Hopefully he has some good helpful advice for the cafcass meeting. My sons thing is that even though there was DA, they are no longer together so isn’t any further chance of the son witnessing DA. He just wants them to work together the best they can although separated to bring the son up together.