Lives with order?

[Ash]

A lives with order just gives the right to go abroad for up to a month. However, a parent with a lives with order is also the “parent with care” and so authorities take more notice of them. If it’s lives with both parents, you are both the parent with care and therefore equal (even if it’s less than 50/50 time). Some Mothers will abuse the parent with care status - some won’t. If they do abuse it then you have grounds to apply to vary to lives with both - to curb that power.

If there’s a court order in place, neither parent can withhold the child with safeguarding concerns, unless social services tells them to. If a Dad went to social services with safeguarding concerns, social services would need to be very concerned to tell him to withhold the child and there would need to be clear evidence of immediate risk of harm. Of course they take it more seriously if a Mother does that
But likewise, if there’s a court order in place, it’s already been established there are no welfare issues with either parent and social services are likely to just say it’s a matter for the courts.

The police don’t really get involved in civil matters- especially if there’s a court order.

When you have a court order you can send a copy to the school so they know exactly what the legal situation is and the parent with care can’t override that with the school. And as Magic says - any issues and you show it to the police. Make sure you have it filed somewhere you can easily find it if necessary and keep a copy somewhere else.

 

[Ash]

If a Dad has spends time with and the order is defined (ie states which week holiday he has), the Mother has to let the child spend that week with him. However, yes, if you want to go abroad you need her consent. If she won’t give it you’d have to do a specific issues application and get the holiday ordered. You could try then getting a clause added to the order to say you don’t need the ex’s consent to go abroad on holiday.

But likewise, if she did that a couple of times she is being obstructive and you’d have grounds to apply to vary to lives with both possibly.

It does help to have a lives with both order to start with - even if the time is less than 50/50.

 

[Gazelle34]

Just an additional question on this.

My order states that my son lives with both parents and outlines the times he does.

My assumption was always that this would expire when he reaches 16, but after doing some googling it looks this this is 18 for orders that state where a child lives.

Does anyone know the answer?

 

[Needsmust]

Just an additional question on this.

My order states that my son lives with both parents and outlines the times he does.

My assumption was always that this would expire when he reaches 16, but after doing some googling it looks this this is 18 for orders that state where a child lives.

Does anyone know the answer?

I would be interested to know also what the answer is to this question? My order is a lives with both, ex has always disregarded my status as being equal to herself, which has culminated over the last 8-10 years of her distroying all contact when possible, intervening in my time, to disrupt any dad time. And I mean on another level, interfering is an understatement, all documented.

So here I am considering if at ages 17 and 19 if I am too late to enforce a lives with order - I've not seen our children since NYD.... I've have also been subjected to a non mol, based on false allegations and lies which has obviously, contributed to the lack of any time spent with our children lately.....

My eldest is back from uni..... Didn't like it, spending all day home. His brother is 17, second year college. So I consider at 17 he is still a child? Which is why I am interested in your question...... Applying for any order at 17 seems kinda pointless to me, as they would probably leave as is..... Or would I get residency change at this late stage in thier lives, at thier age, now almost adults.

 

[Resolute]

At this age the only factor that really matters is what the young adult wants. If he wants to come to you, he can. If he wants to stay with your ex, he can.

 

[Ash]

I also looked into this. An order ends at age 16, UNLESS it is an order that includes "lives with". So technically it lasts until 18. However in reality the courts are not going to enforce an order for a 16 year old. It is still helpful that it lasts until 18 though, because it's proof that they legally live with you - if for example they or one of them decided to move in with you when they were 16. You might need that for all kinds of official things although technically a 16 year old can live wherever they want, by law, unless parents feel they are living in an unsafe situation (eg a squat). Other than that, the Police wouldn't be able to do anything about where they live. They can decide for themselves.

By 16 they are very different to when they are 13 or even 14 - and often will stand up for themselves more. Or see you regardless of what the ex decides. However one important thing is to always let them know that they can always come to your home whenever they want. Occasionally say this throughout the teenage years. And that it is always their home and they are always welcome.

Some people don't actually tell kids that and they then lack the confidence to come to you of their own accord as they don't know if you would be ok with it or not - then they stay with an ex for security. As if they pissed of the ex by coming to stay with you and you then said - you can't stay here all the time - they would have no parents! So they need that feeling of security.

I don't mean pressure them - that isn't fair either. I just mean infrequently, throughout teenage years, reminding them that they are always wanted and the door is always open if they ever need to come to you. That speaks volumes and gives them confidence.

Some kids pick up that a step parent (or even a parent) might not want them there all the time .......... So then if the Mother is trying to stop them coming, they would go along with it for fear of not having a permanent home.

The other thing is to make sure your place really is home - that they have their own room and stuff in it and make it their own.

My ex tried to stop my son coming when he was 15. He occasionally came anyway and got flack for it. Eventually he was put in the position of basically being forced to choose where to live because he couldn't take the flack from ex any more and didn't want to give up coming to me. Which is not a great situation, but at least he knew he could come and was wanted. Don't assume they know that.