It begins

[capa]

I need some advice , im in the position where stbx has not responded to any communications from my solicitor, first email sent 12th Oct.

Now as it stands, i pay all bills and mortgage, heres my quandary....

If i stop paying all the utility bills, inc c/tax, she will no doubt apply for CMS

If she does that, i will have to pay via CMS, and according to solicitor if i pay a standing order to her bank account its classed as indirect contact thus breaching my restraining order. Therefore with the CMS fee for them doing it, i will only be £4 per month better off than paying all the bills. Then she will no doubt put in a mesher order, so im back to square one in finances.

So i will be in no better place if it goes CMS or i continue paying the bills.

I will add i will continue with the mortgage payment as i have to as house is in my name solely, she is not on the mortgage or the deeds.

This is doing my head in and getting really stressed, as theres no communication from her side, thats assuming shes even bothered to get a solicitor.

so, initial thoughts, do i set up a MIAM for finances?, which will be signed off right away as she no doubt will claim DA, which is so far from what happened. Then after that it will be form E and court , where she will have to declare her finances. Is that assumption correct?

 

[Ash]

I would

a). put in the C100 to get an order to see your son
b) Open a case with the CMS for assessment. You may not save any money but legally that’s all you have to pay abd she can use it how she wants. The fact you’re paying the mortgage as well is a bonus for her.

 

[capa]

Been a while, latest update, successfully got MIAM signed off due to order, c100 ready, financial ready. No going back now, stbx has had every chance to sort this amicably through solicitors, yet no reply since first attempted contact back in October.

Contact with son has practically dried up, not replying to texts, is it cos he's at that age, or is there an influence, Xmas is approaching fast and really want him to confirm present he would like off me, yet in the dark, not even sure if I will get anything but tbh that doesn't matter to me, all that matters is showing him I'm still here and waiting patiently and not forgot about him.

Now the fight begins, with the financial and child arrangements.

 

[nothernsoul]

All the best mate.

Keep us all updated, look after yourself.

 

[Ash]

Have you sent the C100 off yet? Happy to look over the wording - the wording on the initial application can set the tone for how things go. Cafcass read the application when it arrives - first impressions count.

 

[Peanut 21]

The build up the Christmas tends to be a time the unstable parent can't cope. I'm always relieved when it's the new year tbh.

 

[capa]

Have you sent the C100 off yet? Happy to look over the wording - the wording on the initial application can set the tone for how things go. Cafcass read the application when it arrives - first impressions count.

Not as yet, but appreciate the assistance, solicitor due to get it next couple of days

 

[capa]

The build up the Christmas tends to be a time the unstable parent can't cope. I'm always relieved when it's the new year tbh.

This is where the ice stbx may melt a little , but not holding my breath. She will cope cos she isnt paying out anything for the property, its me whose struggling hence the court application to sort finances, she won't listen to solicitor then she'll have to listen to a judge.

 

[capa]

Continued update, another letter sent to my stbx outlining my request for some time with my son over the xmas period was, as expected , received with silence, no reply, no co-operation and to make matters worse there has been no response from my son via text for nearly a month. I am in a real strange place, it will be my first xmas without my son, and yes im starting to feel it emotionally, yes the restraining order in place was of my own doing, however, this was only aligned to stbx not my son. Now am I wrong in my thinking, he is nearly 12, so is the silence due to him been that age, or is it more severe to the point of alienation? The stbx and her fam and vile friends coercing and helping push an agenda? A scheme to make me snap and breach my order, playing right into her hands, or is it it the arrival of a new male figure in his life? I miss my son terribly and this time of year will hurt even more so and stbx knows this, last contact with son was on our day out and we had a great time but gone downhill since.

Back to the letter, this is the 3rd letter since the beginning of October along with 4 emails, now I know stbx is not legally obliged to reply, and why should she, i'm paying the mortgage on the house I own for her and my son to live in, I pay all the household bills too, however is the silence from her corner beneficial to me for when I take both child and financials to court? Is it a prelude to what I should expect when it goes to court?

I really am trying to stay afloat, mentally and financially, as this whole situation is draining every ounce of me, yet I have a very strong support network and its only through them I am pushing forward. I keep been told my son will come back eventually, but I suspect he won’t, I like to think he will, yet this niggling fear of that day out is potentially going to be the last time I will ever see him.

So as it stands, an xmas that may not be the best, and next the Form A to be submitted, as I am still waiting for the Conditional order to be signed off by the judge, that’s just adding to the stress levels.

Regarding C100, I cannot afford to have both running through the courts and IMO what good is having the CAO when I have no independence, no place to call a home for my son and me, when its all been spent on keeping, both of them in my house. I truly hoped my son and me could have built up our relationship through ourselves, but I see, as mentioned above, and interjection somewhere, as if lets make him suffer, yep, stbx I believe has weaponised my son, cos she knows it hurts.

Anyway, I am taking it bit by bit , day by day, it’s the only way I can see light at the end of the very long tunnel.

 

[Ash]

what good is having the CAO when I have no independence, no place to call a home for my son and me, when its all been spent on keeping, both of them in my house

Because it's the relationship and he needs you. Even if you were homeless you could still have a relationship. For 2 or 3 years my son was with me a lot and that was in a shared house with only two rooms - a lounge and a bedroom. True it would be nice to have a good place and his own room, but anything is better than losing the relationship.

He may have been lied to and told that you don't want him and have abandoned him. And the longer he believes that, the more harmful it will be.

C100 is the most important IMO - the rest can wait. You could get that in in the next few days. Have a hearing early next year and at least some interim time with your son possibly. Initially you don't need to pay a laywer. We can help with the application, the next stage is Cafcass - and you might need some advice dealing with that.

 

[capa]

So another quick update I did some info digging with CMS today as as of yet I'm not paying any as I'm paying the mortgage and household bills well, as the house is in my sole name, it does not get considered as a deduction against the CMS cos they say as its in my sole name when it gets sold and that's if it does in my view, then I will profit from the sale. So if my stbx decides to stay then even though I'm paying the mortgage it would not be considered and adjustment, can someone explain the logic of that?

Also, as I have an order against me meaning no contact the CMS have said if I apply through them then it's not breaching the order by sending g the money from my account to hers as long as it states child maintenance. So that saves the 20% fee

 

[nothernsoul]

Yep

That's the situation mate.

Your best bet in the short term is to park logic and reason a long, long way from where you are.
It will eat you up if you question or challenge it. It's what it is.

You've just got to drag yourself above it for as long as you need to.

 

[capa]

And it's fubar and your right I have got to distance myself but at the same time no matter which path I take with this I'm still going to be paying roughly about the same although doing CMS and stbx paying the bills, she will deal with increases not me and yes any decreases she's quids in but at least I will have the stability of that regular payment

 

[capa]

Latest from me, not much but Xmas and new year come and gone, just one 20 min text chat with son, although I think he was coached during as he explained in depth what he had off stbx, and if wasn't for my merry Xmas msg I doubt I would of had a reply and as of yet no reply to my happy new year msg too, sent bang on midnight. Ive reign myself in and trying not to think too deeply over it, cos as I see it he will be there in his own time.

Anyway, Form A will be submitted before end of next week so , I know what's expected to come with the process, I think. My question is what experience have members had of the time scale from submission to first hearing?

 

[capa]

So finally been given a date for 1st hearing in the financial order, form e to be completed and necessary paperwork attached. Just reaching out to anyone who has been through the 1st hearing and could extend some advice as to what to expect or do's and dont's.

 

[MagicJ]

So finally been given a date for 1st hearing in the financial order, form e to be completed and necessary paperwork attached. Just reaching out to anyone who has been through the 1st hearing and could extend some advice as to what to expect or do's and dont's.

Hey @capa , I've had the FDA, it's not like the C100 process which have a lot of similarities across the cases but happy to share what I can.

My case was driven mainly by the solicitor, Form E is important as it can set the parameters around which the case revolves

Also make sure you declare everything legitimately, there is nothing worse than accidently forgetting a minor account or asset and having the court doubt your intentions.

 

[Daddy]

I felt that the FDA was more of A housekeeping hearing, making sure everything is in place for the FDR.
So if there were issues with non-disclosure or not being able to agree/ having different figures stated in the form e, such as valuations of property, earnings etc the court will make orders for further disclosure. They could also order property particulars, borrowing capacity reports, medical disclosure (if claims are made that affect earning capacity).

The court will consider the parties questionnaires, take out questions they deem irrelevant and state the questions to be answered and a date they are to be answered by,(by way of exchange) in the order.

The court also checks whether conditional order is in place (previously known as decree nisi) as a financial order cannot be made without this.
Chances are that you won't settle with the other side at this stage.

I don't think I did a position statement for the FDA, as there were too many unknowns from which to form a position. I did a without prejudice position statement for the FDR though as at this stage all the facts and figures were available.

 

[capa]

The conditional order has been granted hence the reason why I now have a first hearing as the form A has been ratified.

One thing I'm a little confused about, the court did not send the form C regarding the timetable as yet, however from what Ive researched the formE has to be be in 35 days before the first hearing is that correct?

 

[MagicJ]

Hey @capa , when the application goes in, it will go before a Judge to review & make the order for the FDA to be held.
That First Appointment notice order should be available to your Solicitor on the online portal and will contain the timetable etc.

 

[MagicJ]

I felt that the FDA was more of A housekeeping hearing, making sure everything is in place for the FDR.

This was exactly how the FDA went for me as well.

So if there were issues with non-disclosure or not being able to agree/ having different figures stated in the form e, such as valuations of property, earnings etc the court will make orders for further disclosure. They could also order property particulars, borrowing capacity reports, medical disclosure (if claims are made that affect earning capacity).

This is important though, as where the court feels earning capacity currently sits is who will pay for any Part 25 SJE (Subject Matter Expert) reports.
If the earning capacity is broadly even, especially if both parties have incurred similar costs in getting to the FDA hearing, then you can argue 50/50.

It's also helpful, if you've tried to resolve matters such as FMH Valuations etc before the FDA as you can then show that in court.

As @Daddy rightly states, be sure your Solicitor makes representations if STBX is downplaying earning capacity i.e. for Medical Disclosures.

The court will consider the parties questionnaires, take out questions they deem irrelevant and state the questions to be answered and a date they are to be answered by,(by way of exchange) in the order.

It's important that you are reasonable with your Questionnaire, usually regulations are a max of 4 pages but STBX's have been known to file reams.
This is usually true when there is a mis-matched earning capacity.

The approach here would be to review it all without emotion & see what you can answer then I'd identify what you feel doesn't need an answer.
It's helpful if you've taken the time to actually respond for your own legal team as the Solicitor/Barrister will be better informed in their strategy at FDA.
i.e. is it worth spending time to remove questions or better to leave them in etc.

The court also checks whether conditional order is in place (previously known as decree nisi) as a financial order cannot be made without this.
Chances are that you won't settle with the other side at this stage.

I've not heard of anyone in a FRO process that has settled before FDR but apparently the stats show >90% of case settle at the FDR stage.
Obviously that is reliant on:

a) your STBX not being emotional about trying to rob you blind
b) her legal team not seeing a meal ticket & not attempting to rob her blind & therefore you by proxy

I don't think I did a position statement for the FDA, as there were too many unknowns from which to form a position. I did a without prejudice position statement for the FDR though as at this stage all the facts and figures were available.

haven't been through the FDR yet - @Daddy did you settle at this point?

Form H - Legal Costs

Your legal costs specifically within the Financial Remedy process will be declared here alongside 'expected' costs to FDR

Pre-FDA Agreements

A pragmatic pair of Solicitor's from both sides, will attempt to pre-agree it all so that an FDA can actually be avoided, this would mean agreement on:

- Valid Questionnaires, to be answered prior to the FDR
- Family Home Valuation
- Any SJE reports ie medicals, company valuations (if a director), pensions information etc.

This would mean that you save counsel costs & associated bundle prep etc & skip the FDA by both parties sending in an AGREED version of the FDA ORDER that is usually the output from the actual FDA. As it's mutually agreed, this is then just ratified by the court & you then get an FDR date through.

Fast Track Resolution - private FDR

The court likes to point parties to fast track resolution & private FDR's, this is useful if there are contentions or complex issues you feel that are mis-understood on your side or even if you just want to get it resolved quicker than the usual court timeframes.

A private FDR basically appoints a Barrister, who is qualified to make a non-binding Judgement, to spend the day JUST on your hearing.
Costs can vary between 4k-10k, very similarly depending on the Barristers call year, experience etc.

Crucially though, its between parties to agree who pays for that & you may find if you suggest it, you're paying for it.

Hope that helps add to the already good summary @Daddy provided.