"Quantum of contact"???? Does this article reflect the views of cafcass and the family court??
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Is this a thing the court uses?
- Thread starter hazemaze
- Start date
"Quantum of contact"???? Does this article reflect the views of cafcass and the family court??
It reads like it.
I was Paralell Parenting for about 2 years before the final separation, it happens when your communication totally breaks down.
The court system understands it but they frown on it at the same time as usually being unhelpful to help resolve communication
The way around it to use a co-parenting app and look to keep consistency between households
The court system understands it but they frown on it at the same time as usually being unhelpful to help resolve communication
The way around it to use a co-parenting app and look to keep consistency between households
I find it crazy that in certain situations they frown upon parallel parenting. Its frustrating because you want to say to them, why do you think this model of parenting is having to happen? Maybe its because like you say Magic the communication totally breaks down and its safer and and better for the all involved especially the children. This model of parenting protects all involved, especially when there are risks of tension, and new false allegations, back biting all in front of the children, my mind boggles that the courts and Cafcass seem to think a one size should fit all in the style of parenting they like to push, when in a world like today it couldn't be further from the truth. Its a very old fashioned, idealistic way for them to view things......*vent over*
It seems like a very biased, badly researched and badly written article to me. Children can have a full schedule from the age of 2 (earlier if it's agreed). The "standard" has always been every other week-end, a midweek overnight and half the school holidays (although these days it it sometimes shaved down to a midweek tea-time) for many years. The term "absent parent" is hugely biased and outdated and hasn't been used for years. Even the term "non resident parent" is archaic as residence orders don't exist any more.
The courts do seem to see gradual and increasing time with babies and very young children as the norm but there is no reason a baby or toddler can't adjust to 50/50 either, which does happen providing the child isn't away from either parent for more than a day or 2 when very young, but usually by agreement.
I can't see a date on the article but some of the references are from 1983! And the 1990s.
I think it's based on historic practice. Prior to 2012, Mothers automatically had sole legal residency, without any court orders, and automatically got legal aid for court. It was very bad. Dads had to "prove" they were a safe parent to get "contact" orders. That all changed 2012 to 2014 after the family justice review, the focus on equal parental responsibility and the new Child Arrangements Orders. And after that a lot more 50/50 orders were being made. Unfortunately during and since the pandemic, the radical feminists have been clawing things back with propoganda and things have regressed slightly.
Prior to 2012 a Dad wouldn't get overnights before the age of 2, due to the presumption of breast feeding up to the age of 2 (even if the Mother wasn't breast feeding). That has been a bit more modernised now, in practice.
It really annoys me that out of possibly ignorance, rather than bias, there is this assumption that children don't need both parents equally. It's complete hogwash.
Babies bond with a Dad very early on, just as they do with a Mother. That bond is the precedent for the courts making an order for time as it's in the child's best interests.
Unfortunately they don't punish Mothers for causing separation anxiety and trying to break that bond in babies and toddlers, which causes emotional harm.
The courts do seem to see gradual and increasing time with babies and very young children as the norm but there is no reason a baby or toddler can't adjust to 50/50 either, which does happen providing the child isn't away from either parent for more than a day or 2 when very young, but usually by agreement.
I can't see a date on the article but some of the references are from 1983! And the 1990s.
I think it's based on historic practice. Prior to 2012, Mothers automatically had sole legal residency, without any court orders, and automatically got legal aid for court. It was very bad. Dads had to "prove" they were a safe parent to get "contact" orders. That all changed 2012 to 2014 after the family justice review, the focus on equal parental responsibility and the new Child Arrangements Orders. And after that a lot more 50/50 orders were being made. Unfortunately during and since the pandemic, the radical feminists have been clawing things back with propoganda and things have regressed slightly.
Prior to 2012 a Dad wouldn't get overnights before the age of 2, due to the presumption of breast feeding up to the age of 2 (even if the Mother wasn't breast feeding). That has been a bit more modernised now, in practice.
It really annoys me that out of possibly ignorance, rather than bias, there is this assumption that children don't need both parents equally. It's complete hogwash.
Babies bond with a Dad very early on, just as they do with a Mother. That bond is the precedent for the courts making an order for time as it's in the child's best interests.
Unfortunately they don't punish Mothers for causing separation anxiety and trying to break that bond in babies and toddlers, which causes emotional harm.
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Separation anxiety appears to be one of my biggest hurdles to overcome at present. For the first 2.5 months of my 11 month old daughters life there was no issue. Now if my daughter is away from my ex for 10 minutes she becomes very distressed to the point I am not seeing her at the family centre and there is talk about video calling, which I am not confident will work.
Part of the Cafcass link above states”A responsible parent allows "proper" contact and negotiates with the absent parent over the frequency and timings, clearly demonstrating that they support the principle that meaningful contact is in the child's best interests“ how can this happen if the mother has stated on her C100 reply she does not want me to have a relationship with my daughter. She will never allow “proper contact” and “negotiate” as she has also said she will not communicate with me?
I am currently waiting for an urgent hearing date but am struggling to see how my daughters separation anxiety can be overcome so I can see her again when the mother will not help and will use anything to her advantage?
Part of the Cafcass link above states”A responsible parent allows "proper" contact and negotiates with the absent parent over the frequency and timings, clearly demonstrating that they support the principle that meaningful contact is in the child's best interests“ how can this happen if the mother has stated on her C100 reply she does not want me to have a relationship with my daughter. She will never allow “proper contact” and “negotiate” as she has also said she will not communicate with me?
I am currently waiting for an urgent hearing date but am struggling to see how my daughters separation anxiety can be overcome so I can see her again when the mother will not help and will use anything to her advantage?
Ash, I have been asking the questions you have asked in emails to my ex. Unfortunately she has never replied and I do not know if she goes to nursery, back when the we were in court she was breast fed, (she also attended via video link) How can I get meaningful information about my daughter if my ex dies not communicate. I feel she is in control?
Yes I'm having to work through similar although my litte one is older by a few years. We're having overnight stays now and the past couple of visits homesickness, as the little one calls it, has come from nowhere and I've returned her back to the mothers quite late at night rather than be seen to force the stay. I think there's a large sprinkling of what Karen Woodall calls enmeshment in the mix and I'm processing how to unpick it. 11 months old is a whole different dilemma I would imagine.
Is there any way you can surreptitiously find out if she goes to nursery - maybe a mutual acquaintance you can trust?
Are you registered with child’s GP?
Some info here.
dadswithkids.co.uk
Letter Template for Child's Doctor
Attached is a template for a Letter for child's Doctor, asking to be added to medical notes for contact, for information and for medical records. Click on the download button top right. You can copy and paste it into word to edit it. A Doctor...
dadswithkids.co.uk
This means you’re on the GP records as a parent to be contacted in case of anything serious. It’s best to send ID and proof of PR and offer to come in and meet them. In my case they didn’t want you to come in and meet them but replied to my letter with the info I had requested. Eg you could just ask if your daughter has had any recent diagnoses and say unfortunately there is little communication between you and child’s Mother at present.
You mark it private and confidential and your ex won’t know you’ve made this contact.
It may help at some point.
You mark it private and confidential and your ex won’t know you’ve made this contact.
It may help at some point.