ICFA advice needed

[igc84]

I have just completed an ICFA where zi only got to write 2 letters to my 10 year old daughter.

My daughter is saying she doesnt want to see me but is heavily influenced by mum. The icfa visits all took place at her home with mum present which I'm not too happy about. The icfa advisor has confirmed mam has never said anything negative about me but also hasn't said anything positive either.

She told our daughter she had permission to see me so the advisor has told me she will not be critical of her in the report to cafcas.

I was clearly unhappy I know they won't force my daughter to see me so I've lost access. There are no safeguarding issues but I was found guilty of dv in the family court in 2021 but since had unsupervised access.

I told the icfa mum is to blame. She is not promoting contact. Mum didn't suggest a parenting plan as there was no point as our daughter doesnt want access. I asked why is this not being seen as parent alienation.

I suggested we both go on a parenting course and mum is to text monthly updates about my daughters life. My daughter and her mum have me blocked so I can't communicate at all and asked for contact via my mum.

I feel as though the judge is just going to say they can't force contact and that's it. Feeling a bit helpless and would appreciate any advice. I don't see the point in hiring a solicitor if my daughter is refusing to see me.

 

[Peanut 21]

The icfa advisor has confirmed mam has never said anything negative about me

Well of course she wouldn't. They put on an act in front of these people.
At 10 they start listening to kids more but it's 11/12 they take their wishes and feelings more seriously.

How often were you seeing your daughter before now?
What was the relationship like?

Although you're just being honest by blaming the mother, it's advised not to badmouth the other parent as the social workers see it as conflict between parents. It's unfair because it's usually alright for mothers to criticise dad's.
Instead of saying parental alienation use the term alienating behaviours.
Sadly some social workers take things at face value and fall for the manipulatiors act.
I liken it to a psychological thriller where you can see clear as day what is going on but no-one else can.
I really sympathise with you.

Solicitors will just drain your money so don't bother with them.
A direct access barrister would be better. They're not cheap but they represent you in court. You can find one by searching online. Just type in 'direct access barrister near me'.

 

[igc84]

Well of course she wouldn't. They put on an act in front of these people.
At 10 they start listening to kids more but it's 11/12 they take their wishes and feelings more seriously.

How often were you seeing your daughter before now?
What was the relationship like?

Although you're just being honest by blaming the mother, it's advised not to badmouth the other parent as the social workers see it as conflict between parents. It's unfair because it's usually alright for mothers to criticise dad's.
Instead of saying parental alienation use the term alienating behaviours.
Sadly some social workers take things at face value and fall for the manipulatiors act.
I liken it to a psychological thriller where you can see clear as day what is going on but no-one else can.
I really sympathise with you.

Solicitors will just drain your money so don't bother with them.
A direct access barrister would be better. They're not cheap but they represent you in court. You can find one by searching online. Just type in 'direct access barrister near me'.

I was seeing her twice a week. Over 50 overnight stays. I feel it's financially motivated as the ex tried to blackmail me into not paying csa if I handed my rights to the jointly owned family home but I refused. Her csa has shot up since my access stopped but I know the court won't care about that.

Well I've already told the icfa facilitator parent alienation I just don't care at this point as I know the judge won't award access. But il bare it in mind for my next position statement thank you

 

[Peanut 21]

Well I've already told the icfa facilitator parent alienation I just don't care at this point as I know the judge won't award access

I know what you mean. There's nothing to lose. My partner mentioned PA in the past but the guardian and psychologist didn't know enough about it and said it can't be PA because the ex said she'd like the kids to see their dad. Madness because she's done everything but allow them to see their dad.
It's messed up.