I understand this but you're a valued member of the site and if it helps you, you should keep posting.
Would you be willing to talk about your experience for a documentary I am making about how the court fails fathers? You see my voice may be a very powerful one both as a female filmmaker but also as a woman who truly went through domestic violence but I absolutely advocate for children not to be separated from their fathers. It’s cruel and vile when women make up lies about abuse and as a genuine victim of Domestic abuse it is an insult and a dangerous path leading to a situation where genuine victims won’t be believed. I also have a song going through this and he is distraught that his daughter has been withheld on the basis of lies. No one can tell me I don’t understand the woman’s perspective, I have been there with bells on, but I also know that there are so many wonderful fathers whose children miss them terribly. It is appalling and the court system brutalises families further by delay and complete lack of compassion. Someone has to speak out against women abusing the system.Hi all,
I joined this forum a few years back but I forgot my username and password! This site and Ash helped me get through a difficult experience with my child's mother who was doing all the usual crap that you commonly see, controlling, lying etc etc. I endured a year long case in which I was afforded more time by 3 judges (female) who could see the forest from the trees. It was the last judge (who I would LOVE to name on here but cant) who has a worrying track record of questionable judgements, who showed how cruel the system can be.
This particular judge, who made the national tabloids for his poor judgement, let my then one year old daughter, relocate with her mother to the USA (her mum is American) despite CAFCASS recommending she stay, and there being a trail of lies and inconsistencies. Without going into all the details, my daughters mum was upset that I wanted nothing to do with her, but still wanted a relationship with our child. She worked a high earning job and had tons of money, so I guess she was surprised that I had the audacity to not want her. She did everything possible, to paint the picture of someone who needed to go rather than someone who wanted to go. This meant fitting the criteria of relocation considerations, no support, no finances (she conveniently was made redundant), no hope (rolls eyes).
As mentioned before the previous three female judges had all seen this, as it was CLEAR AS DAY, but the last judge had no interest in my case from the start. I had to endure a three day hearing knowing what his decision was going to be, and sure enough a week later he sent a written judgement in which he shifted all the blame on me and basically said my daughter will be fine without a father in the US.
This was October 23, its has been over a year now and I have had time to reflect on my time dealing with the family court system. I commend all the fathers that have fought and continue to fight. It takes a lot of guts to go through this nonsense knowing that the system is broken and favours women as a default. I will say this though, yes I miss my daughter, and I have not physically seen her since Feb 24, but there is a certain level of peace that I have in my life now that her mum is not around. I still have to contact her to speak to my daughter via video call, and I have tried to seek level ground with her, but the latter is pointless as this has never been about the child. With this in mind, I have decided to begin the process of moving on and moving forward.
Most of us on here are good men and we want to be present in our children's lives at all times, but we are bound by a system that is more about luck than reality. With this being our reality its important that we move on with our lives as best as we can. By all means, be present, be available, always keep the door open, but if the other parent is hell bent on making your life miserable, what it there to back you up? CAFCASS? Even that is dependable on who you get looking at your case, and quite frankly its not enough. We have to spend 10s sometimes 100s of thousands to be told that we are allowed to play a bit part role in our child's lives, when that money could be used for something more productive pertaining to our children.
We have to prioritise our own wellbeing after a point and trust that things will work out, even if it is 20 years later. I think alot of us want to fight because as men we are prideful and are ruled by logic, but family court is run by a bunch of bozos, 90% of the time we are fighting for scraps. Take time to heal, be there for your kids, but don't allow yourself to become so broken that you miss you future blessings. I'm 34 years old as I type this, I had my daughter when I was 31, the great thing about being a man is that we don't have an expiry date on when we can start a family (void of any medical issues). I fully intend to have more children and build a family with a woman who is not ruled by her own selfish desires. I deserve that, I don't deserve the mess that comes with my daughters mother, and its the same for YOU. You're reading this because you care about your child or children, and have to put up with utter nonsense, when it shouldn't be the case. Its not normal and you don't deserve it.
Yes, continue to fight, but only for as long as you feel capable. Keep records, send cards, call on birthdays, ALWAYS be there! But lets start normalising moving on, our children will find us, and our future families need us.
Stay strong lads! Things will work out. Brighter days are ahead
Anyone have any questions regarding my case, id be more than happy to answer them
Yeah I wouldn't mind contributing to the doc, although I would have to do so anonymously. But I agree the court system is a wreck, all we can do is be present and move on with life!
Yeah, ive got a whole file set up for her so when she gets to a certain age she will be able to access all the documents. Pictures, court papers, orders, the lot. She can read through and decide for herself.
Absolutely. You've got to find peace with the situation and still have a life. It's gut wrenching and cruel and these women want good dads living in the gutter with nothing. Don't let them do that to you.Hi all,
I joined this forum a few years back but I forgot my username and password! This site and Ash helped me get through a difficult experience with my child's mother who was doing all the usual crap that you commonly see, controlling, lying etc etc. I endured a year long case in which I was afforded more time by 3 judges (female) who could see the forest from the trees. It was the last judge (who I would LOVE to name on here but cant) who has a worrying track record of questionable judgements, who showed how cruel the system can be.
This particular judge, who made the national tabloids for his poor judgement, let my then one year old daughter, relocate with her mother to the USA (her mum is American) despite CAFCASS recommending she stay, and there being a trail of lies and inconsistencies. Without going into all the details, my daughters mum was upset that I wanted nothing to do with her, but still wanted a relationship with our child. She worked a high earning job and had tons of money, so I guess she was surprised that I had the audacity to not want her. She did everything possible, to paint the picture of someone who needed to go rather than someone who wanted to go. This meant fitting the criteria of relocation considerations, no support, no finances (she conveniently was made redundant), no hope (rolls eyes).
As mentioned before the previous three female judges had all seen this, as it was CLEAR AS DAY, but the last judge had no interest in my case from the start. I had to endure a three day hearing knowing what his decision was going to be, and sure enough a week later he sent a written judgement in which he shifted all the blame on me and basically said my daughter will be fine without a father in the US.
This was October 23, its has been over a year now and I have had time to reflect on my time dealing with the family court system. I commend all the fathers that have fought and continue to fight. It takes a lot of guts to go through this nonsense knowing that the system is broken and favours women as a default. I will say this though, yes I miss my daughter, and I have not physically seen her since Feb 24, but there is a certain level of peace that I have in my life now that her mum is not around. I still have to contact her to speak to my daughter via video call, and I have tried to seek level ground with her, but the latter is pointless as this has never been about the child. With this in mind, I have decided to begin the process of moving on and moving forward.
Most of us on here are good men and we want to be present in our children's lives at all times, but we are bound by a system that is more about luck than reality. With this being our reality its important that we move on with our lives as best as we can. By all means, be present, be available, always keep the door open, but if the other parent is hell bent on making your life miserable, what it there to back you up? CAFCASS? Even that is dependable on who you get looking at your case, and quite frankly its not enough. We have to spend 10s sometimes 100s of thousands to be told that we are allowed to play a bit part role in our child's lives, when that money could be used for something more productive pertaining to our children.
We have to prioritise our own wellbeing after a point and trust that things will work out, even if it is 20 years later. I think alot of us want to fight because as men we are prideful and are ruled by logic, but family court is run by a bunch of bozos, 90% of the time we are fighting for scraps. Take time to heal, be there for your kids, but don't allow yourself to become so broken that you miss you future blessings. I'm 34 years old as I type this, I had my daughter when I was 31, the great thing about being a man is that we don't have an expiry date on when we can start a family (void of any medical issues). I fully intend to have more children and build a family with a woman who is not ruled by her own selfish desires. I deserve that, I don't deserve the mess that comes with my daughters mother, and its the same for YOU. You're reading this because you care about your child or children, and have to put up with utter nonsense, when it shouldn't be the case. Its not normal and you don't deserve it.
Yes, continue to fight, but only for as long as you feel capable. Keep records, send cards, call on birthdays, ALWAYS be there! But lets start normalising moving on, our children will find us, and our future families need us.
Stay strong lads! Things will work out. Brighter days are ahead
Anyone have any questions regarding my case, id be more than happy to answer them
I'll ask my partner if he'd be up for this. No court cases anymore but I'm sure he'd rather be anonymous until his k8ds are a bit older.