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Kyle23

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Hi a bit off an odd case.

I lived with my wife her mother and our daughter. From 6 months onwards My mother in law primarily fed and weened our daughter. She fed her a vegan diet of food pouches typically broccoli peas carrots parsnips and fruit blended. My daughter’s weight growth began to decline. In hindsight this was stupid. She got thinner and thinner Eventually at about 18 months she got severely constipated for a week then began throwing up continuously. She got hospitalised and nearly died. They put her a on a drip gave her a blood transfusion and put her thyroid and iron medication. She was given weight gain drinks.

After 2 weeks she was released I was deeply concerned and felt I had completely failed her as a father. She was so thin and frail at this point. I took charge of feeding her somewhat forcefully. And began giving her steak and honey 3 times a day to much the protest of the mother in law.

However here is the crucial part. I went to a local farm and bought raw milk from a farmer. I began secretly giving our daughter raw milk. She eventually was drinking 600-700ml a day which I worked out is roughly 500 calories.

In a few months she made an amazing recovery. She has virtually regained all the weight she should have had at her age on the growth charts.

Recently after 4 months of raw milk. everyone in the house got sick 1 by 1. My daughter included. We sent a poo sample to doctor he concluded she had campylobacter which is bacteria which can come from any raw source meat milk but also unwashed vegetables. We also have cats and chickens in garden.

I came clean to my wife and told her the truth. Understandably she freaked out. She through me out house changed the locks and now has informed she has been advised that I don’t see our daughter.

I wanted to get my daughter well again, healthy and back to a good weight.

She’s says a doctor advised her not to let me me with daughter unsupervised. He would contact child services.

Can my wife legally prevent me some seeing my daughter?

Does she not need a court order?

Can child services prevent me?

What are my next best steps.
 
Kyle23 said:
Hi a bit off an odd case.

I lived with my wife her mother and our daughter. From 6 months onwards My mother in law primarily fed and weened our daughter. She fed her a vegan diet of food pouches typically broccoli peas carrots parsnips and fruit blended. My daughter’s weight growth began to decline. In hindsight this was stupid. She got thinner and thinner Eventually at about 18 months she got severely constipated for a week then began throwing up continuously. She got hospitalised and nearly died. They put her a on a drip gave her a blood transfusion and put her thyroid and iron medication. She was given weight gain drinks.

After 2 weeks she was released I was deeply concerned and felt I had completely failed her as a father. She was so thin and frail at this point. I took charge of feeding her somewhat forcefully. And began giving her steak and honey 3 times a day to much the protest of the mother in law.

However here is the crucial part. I went to a local farm and bought raw milk from a farmer. I began secretly giving our daughter raw milk. She eventually was drinking 600-700ml a day which I worked out is roughly 500 calories.

In a few months she made an amazing recovery. She has virtually regained all the weight she should have had at her age on the growth charts.

Recently after 4 months of raw milk. everyone in the house got sick 1 by 1. My daughter included. We sent a poo sample to doctor he concluded she had campylobacter which is bacteria which can come from any raw source meat milk but also unwashed vegetables. We also have cats and chickens in garden.

I came clean to my wife and told her the truth. Understandably she freaked out. She through me out house changed the locks and now has informed she has been advised that I don’t see our daughter.

I wanted to get my daughter well again, healthy and back to a good weight.

She’s says a doctor advised her not to let me me with daughter unsupervised. He would contact child services.

Can my wife legally prevent me some seeing my daughter?

Does she not need a court order?

Can child services prevent me?

What are my next best steps.
Click to expand...
You will also need to fill in a c100.. Try for mediation which hopefully your wife will come to her senses and realise her daughter needs hed father.. Feeding your child milk is not abuse, your wife is probs annoyed you kept it from her more so.
Keep notes on everything. And remain calm and civil in all messages.
 
Please note it was raw milk unpasteurised. But still it’s not illegal.

I checked what a c100 form is. Should I fill one or wait for child services to contact me assuming they will?
 
Yes I think the issue was that it was not pasteurised and there are risks with unpasteurised milk, especially for a very young infant. The nutrition is exactly the same whether it's pasteurised or not. In fact it only should be baby formula milk up to a certain age as they can't digest cows milk for a while.

A tricky one to resolve now. Your wife clearly doesn't trust you because you didn't tell her what you were doing - even though you told her in the end it was still admission of a secret. Might have been better to say nothing. Campylobacter can also come from handling raw chicken I believe and it seems strange that the whole family went down with it, if it was only your daughter getting the raw milk.

You have both your wife and MIL against you it seems.

Agree with the above - try mediation as it might help rebuild the trust. If she won't go to mediation you can submit a C100 to get a Child Arrangements order (you need to have tried mediation first or at least had the first appointment on your own).

I think it would be reasonable to assume by everyone that you learned from your mistake. I'm sorry you're having this. A vegan diet doesn't sound healthy either and why was your wife allowing her Mother to do that?

There was a case of a Mother being prosecuted for killing a baby by putting too much powdered formula into baby milk - thinking it would be better, so your wife is probably going to throw the book at you and say you put your daughter's health at serious risk.

You'll just have to explain to the court (maybe in the application) that the child had been very ill and hospitalised after only being fed a vegan diet at first and you realise giving unpasteurised milk was a bad idea now, but you had been trying to build her up.

That you think there needs to be agreement between parents (and Mother in law) on a suitable diet for a child of x age, possibly with input from a health visitor or dietician, which both parents follow, to avoid such issues in future.
 
Raw milk is safer if it has been boiled. Didn't the farmer suggest boiling before consumption? That step would limit culpability. Plus, food borne illness occurs regularly in people who do not drink raw milk.

I'd think about how to present what happened in the round. The other side will want to focus on sickness they believe you caused. Focus also has to go on the diet you rescued the child from.
 
I’d prefer not to get child services unless she does. I believe it would be opening a can of worms.

My wife has said she is seeing her lawyer on 1st May. I spoke to a solicitor he has sent a letter to open negotiations.

I can only expect she will try to frame me as an unsafe parent.

I would like to go for 50/50 shared custody. But offer to do it gradually building up to it over a few months.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Kyle23, I will be honest with you. I think your wife/mother-in-law and you have harmed your child's health, going from one extreme to the other, based on fake medical science.

Before either of you fight for time with children, I highly recommend just trying to understand basic parenting.
 
When I was a kid I went to stay with relatives on a farm quite a bit. The milk would go from cow into bucket, from bucket into jug, from jug into kids. We were fine. About 5 years ago I bought refrigerated raw milk from a greengrocer in another country. It said "should be boiled" on the bottle. I drank it. I was sick for a week.

Not tried it since. Lesson learnt.
 
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