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[Seb]

my first call would be to the solicitor who represented me to ask why the bloody hell not and sue them for negligence

I wish, I had a solicitor firm representing me but I was feeling scammed by them after the first 10k spent, no results and too many delays, allowing her to extend her ignorance in replies. I ended up representing myself in court at the final financial hearing. I’ve managed to reduce it on a second hearing after my older son moved in with me in 2017, she did not bother to come at that hearing. I’m more than sure she will pretend that she did not received the letters. Still telling my kids I owe her tens of thousands and I did/do not helped/help her financially. Used to tell them she’s got no money for food when actually I was giving her 1k/month in 2015 and she was in a full employment, also she was claiming benefits. She was earning more than me at that time.
When visiting my place every other weekend, children used to demand answers from me why I do not give enough money to their mother. I’ve tried to explain them that is an adult issue and not to worry much about it and we should focus having a good time while we’re together. Many things I’ve done to protect the children against these disagreements, but I ended up the bad one as they only know one side of the story. Her lies, her lack of knowledge, her minimal appreciation towards things and people is feeding the source of education of my children and hurts badly. Maybe is too much to say, but their mother used to accuse me of things and her source of information was reading the tarot cards by her mother. Sounds funny and scary at the same time. You never know where the confidence comes in some people.

 

[Seb]

without

Hi. Thank you for your opinion. I did used to work as self employed when I filled for divorce. It’s really obvious and logically, once she’s selling the house and becomes mortgage free on another house, gets married, this support should have been cancelled. In my mind, I was hopping that the money were used for the children. Still she alienated then against me telling them that they have a better life without me and heard she’s spending on expensive cars and few more unnecessary items. Used to hide the info of her new husband living in our old house before they moved. Still family courts play a blind eye to obvious facts and award mothers what they want.
I’m not

Still did not see them or spoken to them. On my last try to send them Christmas gifts via their older brother, their mother threaten me will go to the police to get me arrested and told our son he’s only allowed to visit them without my gifts.

…with my gifts.

 

[Unknown83]

You mustn't allow a lie to settle. If they're old enough to question why mum isn't getting money for food, then they're old enough to see your bank statements and work out for themselves that she is a lying xxxx.

 

[Unknown83]

I ended up representing myself in court at the final financial hearing.

If this was a court issued order then I would be very surprised if it didn't end with her remarriage. Even if it didn't, you have a very strong case to appeal on the grounds that the court does not have jurisdiction on child maintenance matters. So strong in fact that you could easily self rep.

 

[Ash]

You mustn't allow a lie to settle. If they're old enough to question why mum isn't getting money for food, then they're old enough to see your bank statements and work out for themselves that she is a lying xxxx.

There's a very good book listed on here (I have no interests in it by the way but it helped me a lot) about how to handle these lies when an ex is being toxic or trying to alienate. It has helpful suggestions how to talk to them when they come out with things like that, so you don't sound like you're doing the same as her - being negative about the other parent. Things like - I'm sorry Mum is telling you that and involving you in adult matters like finances - maybe she is upset with me but it isn't true. I provide for you in both homes. Then change the subject.

Having said that, I once did have to prove something to my son who was adamant that I wasn't his real Dad, because Mum was telling him that (he was about 5) constantly and telling him his stepdad was his "real Dad". I tried explaining to him that maybe it was a misunderstanding over the word "real" but I was his Dad and X was his "Stepdad". But he was adamant I wasn't his actual Dad (bizarre as he spent a lot of time with me and still called me Daddy and had a solid home life here - so the belief didn't match the reality). But in the end he was so adamant I did prove it to him and showed him his birth certificate. (Tip - get a copy - you can send off for it for about £7 - useful for all kinds of things). And then he believed it. He even laughed when he saw what his Mother's maiden name was (can't tell you!).

But then of course, they have to process that. The fact that Dad is telling the truth so Mum must be lying to him and that's conflict for them because they love Mum and want to believe her. But this is what she is doing to them. And they have to work that out for themselves. As my son got older I think he is still uncomfortable about such things and sees it as Mum not liking Dad (and just wishing it wasn't like that). Or that she really believes the things she tells him that are not actually the case. Her perspective.

The book is good because it recognizes all the behaviours and the negative rubbish the ex tells the kids - but shows how to handle it without the kids rejecting you for criticizing Mum.

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You eBook : Baker, Amy J. L., Fine, Paul R: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You eBook : Baker, Amy J. L., Fine, Paul R: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

www.amazon.co.uk