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First court hearing advice.
- Thread starter RJ25
- Start date
She's hoping you'll be scared away if she keeps making horrific allegations. But she's done it now so she's done her worst and just go through the processes. They can't lock you away for something you haven't done. She also just wants you to have a police record so she can use that against you! too late for that - it's already in court.
My ex tried that once (against my partner when we were first dating). She called the Police on my partner accusing her of something. They went round and my partner explained it was a child custody issue between parents and asked why the Police were carrying out harrassment of her! The Police backed off and said they had to follow up every complaint (yeah right) and Mother had said child was at risk.
My ex then kept telling everyone my partner had a police record so wasn't suitable to be around children. When I had to apply to court a few years later she claimed that again! Said my partner had a police record because she had called the police so it would be on record. My partner sent for her police records and nothing there - and I submitted those to court. (Because Cafcass usually only check parents police records) Just to prove she was lying!
It's encouraging that the court appointed a Guardian and solicitor for the children.
My ex tried that once (against my partner when we were first dating). She called the Police on my partner accusing her of something. They went round and my partner explained it was a child custody issue between parents and asked why the Police were carrying out harrassment of her! The Police backed off and said they had to follow up every complaint (yeah right) and Mother had said child was at risk.
My ex then kept telling everyone my partner had a police record so wasn't suitable to be around children. When I had to apply to court a few years later she claimed that again! Said my partner had a police record because she had called the police so it would be on record. My partner sent for her police records and nothing there - and I submitted those to court. (Because Cafcass usually only check parents police records) Just to prove she was lying!
It's encouraging that the court appointed a Guardian and solicitor for the children.
I don’t have evidence to necessarily refute all allegations. However in her statement to the court she actually accused my father of the same thing she herself accused me of, so that’s not good. It’s mostly her word against mine and her word on the kids making allegations as nearly all allegedly were reported to her and no one else.
She reported me for stalking and harassment even identified me in grade detail, and made out I was an armed and dangerous individual. The incredibly long police investigation subsequently revealed that anpr and cell site data showed I’ve been nowhere near her. So obviously they know she lied there.
The list of things I’ve been accused of literally goes from the sublime to the ridiculous as they say.
She reported me for stalking and harassment even identified me in grade detail, and made out I was an armed and dangerous individual. The incredibly long police investigation subsequently revealed that anpr and cell site data showed I’ve been nowhere near her. So obviously they know she lied there.
The list of things I’ve been accused of literally goes from the sublime to the ridiculous as they say.
It's a full on attack to make you want to give up - accusing your Father as well. I am sure the Police will find she's lying. Just give them whatever evidence you have. You have until January to get clear of the Police situation to be able to get an order. They won't usually make an order until a Police investigation is closed (which is why your ex keeps making more allegations).
You could even ask the Police if they would consider prosecuting for perverting the course of justice and wasting police time.
You could even ask the Police if they would consider prosecuting for perverting the course of justice and wasting police time.
It is an attack yes. She’s trying her best to make me look bad on every front she possibly can. One thing I can think is very obvious is that she has no kind words to say about me, not even a neutral word, you can see the kids over time have started following the same trend as her.
I won’t ever give up though, knowing that she’ll continue to make false allegations and get the kids to do the same is frightening, but I can’t give up on the kids. So I’ll have to go through it until someone puts a stop to it.
I won’t ever give up though, knowing that she’ll continue to make false allegations and get the kids to do the same is frightening, but I can’t give up on the kids. So I’ll have to go through it until someone puts a stop to it.
@RJ25 , my eldest kid from the ages of 8-11 would mirror his mum's attitude and behaviour towards me, at times even mocking me in the same way she would. It was hurtful and stressful - more so because single parenting as a NRP often means you can't do what a parent would do in a 'normal' family unit, such as tell them off strongly, as this could risk the kid being pushed further away.
However at 12, my kid's attitude and behaviour has improved immensely - he has become naturally respectful and kind. I think it was because I was patient and never pushed him away, and that he has outgrown some of his interests that he used to share with his mum and now shares interests with me and puberty can change the way the adolescent brain works.
I also recommend the book that Ash suggested I read "How to co-parent with a toxic ex". The way the book explained how kids caught in the middle of conflict respond and react gave me the will power to see through the horrible period.
However at 12, my kid's attitude and behaviour has improved immensely - he has become naturally respectful and kind. I think it was because I was patient and never pushed him away, and that he has outgrown some of his interests that he used to share with his mum and now shares interests with me and puberty can change the way the adolescent brain works.
I also recommend the book that Ash suggested I read "How to co-parent with a toxic ex". The way the book explained how kids caught in the middle of conflict respond and react gave me the will power to see through the horrible period.
@proud_dad, I’m so pleased to hear your relationship with your son has returned to some form of normality and you’re able to share interests with him.
My eldest is 12 this year, he and I have always shared similar interests and enjoyed doing activities together. He’s always been Daddy’s boy and has a lot of love for me.
I have read a lot of what he has allegedly said and it sounds like he feels trapped and confused. In all honesty some of the things he says seem to throw doubts on the other things he has been made to say. He’s a smart kid and knows right from wrong both myself and his mother raised them well. I’m sure he’ll probably figure his own way out of this and do what’s right.
It’s truly sad to have to watch your ex do this to the people you love most. It’s also sad to have to say to someone that you view your ex as a danger to your children, that’s something I believe no father ever wishes to have to say.
All I can do is keep working with the courts SS and the guardian. Keep calm show that I’m a good father despite what’s been said. I always remain child focused, though I’ve raised concerns around PA it’s not done out of malice, I’m simply a father who’s doing all he can to make sure his children are safe and living in an environment that’s conducive to their well-being and of course their future.
It’s nice to read some of the stories of other Dads who have managed to get an order and now have a relationship with their children. Though it’s also sad and distressing to know so many fathers go through what can only be described as a living hell, and all because they just want to continue the relationship with their children that they’ve always had.
My eldest is 12 this year, he and I have always shared similar interests and enjoyed doing activities together. He’s always been Daddy’s boy and has a lot of love for me.
I have read a lot of what he has allegedly said and it sounds like he feels trapped and confused. In all honesty some of the things he says seem to throw doubts on the other things he has been made to say. He’s a smart kid and knows right from wrong both myself and his mother raised them well. I’m sure he’ll probably figure his own way out of this and do what’s right.
It’s truly sad to have to watch your ex do this to the people you love most. It’s also sad to have to say to someone that you view your ex as a danger to your children, that’s something I believe no father ever wishes to have to say.
All I can do is keep working with the courts SS and the guardian. Keep calm show that I’m a good father despite what’s been said. I always remain child focused, though I’ve raised concerns around PA it’s not done out of malice, I’m simply a father who’s doing all he can to make sure his children are safe and living in an environment that’s conducive to their well-being and of course their future.
It’s nice to read some of the stories of other Dads who have managed to get an order and now have a relationship with their children. Though it’s also sad and distressing to know so many fathers go through what can only be described as a living hell, and all because they just want to continue the relationship with their children that they’ve always had.