Guest viewing is limited

Final Notice Financial Order

D

dinosaur2020

New member
Member
Hi, does anyone have a similar or been through this situation?
I've had my Final Notice through so can apply to be divorced, but I've read that I must get my consent order sorted before I do this?
However, after initially agreeing everything outside of solicitors and drafting all the forms up, my ex has now fallen out with me and is not responding to texts or emails from me asking about the forms being signed. What should my next steps be as I want to get the consent order sorted and then I can finally be divorced with a clean break.
A very frustrated, wanting to move on, ex husband
 
I'm sure someone who knows more about divorce will reply soon. I'm not that up on that side of things - more child arrangements orders.
 
Hi @dinosaur2020 , welcome to the forum.

I presume by final notice you mean you've had your Decree Nisee come through and you can now apply for the Decree Absolute.

You are correct in stating that it is highly recommended that you do not make that application unless you have the Childcare & Financial orders in place.
It's not a must but recommended by fathers who have been through the process & then found years later theyre still defending financial claims from EX's.

I'm sorry to hear she's dropped off the radar, you only really have 3 options here:

  1. Persuade her to come back to the table, as this is the quickest & cheapest option
    1. This will mean that you already have an agreement which you can submit to court for SEALING
  2. Undertake Mediation, similar to childcare mediation but for finances - it can take 3m-6m & costs about 1.5k each
    1. This will give you a draft Financial Order which you can submit to court for SEALING
  3. Take court action, this is a long process which could take +6m & costs can be about 15k
    1. This will require you to reset the financial conversation, share all your financial documents & let the courts decide
    2. They will look at the childcare split & arrangements alongside historical incomes/support for their decisions
I hope that helps, let me know if you have any questions - I am further back in the process but have looked at the route!
 
MagicJ said:
Hi @dinosaur2020 , welcome to the forum.

I presume by final notice you mean you've had your Decree Nisee come through and you can now apply for the Decree Absolute.

You are correct in stating that it is highly recommended that you do not make that application unless you have the Childcare & Financial orders in place.
It's not a must but recommended by fathers who have been through the process & then found years later theyre still defending financial claims from EX's.

I'm sorry to hear she's dropped off the radar, you only really have 3 options here:

  1. Persuade her to come back to the table, as this is the quickest & cheapest option
    1. This will mean that you already have an agreement which you can submit to court for SEALING
  2. Undertake Mediation, similar to childcare mediation but for finances - it can take 3m-6m & costs about 1.5k each
    1. This will give you a draft Financial Order which you can submit to court for SEALING
  3. Take court action, this is a long process which could take +6m & costs can be about 15k
    1. This will require you to reset the financial conversation, share all your financial documents & let the courts decide
    2. They will look at the childcare split & arrangements alongside historical incomes/support for their decisions
I hope that helps, let me know if you have any questions - I am further back in the process but have looked at the route!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the advice @MagicJ
I thought the options above would be the case after reading a lot on the net but it would be nice to just confirm with another dad.
I ideally wanted to get this done and dusted soon, but this is looking like drawing out into yet another year (already took one year for my decree nisi to come through).
Thanks again 👍🏻
 
Did you have a consent order agreed previously?
 
We both drafted up a separation agreement, so lots of finances have already been sorted. Child arrangements and maintenance, equity split etc.
It was all agreed and signed and witnessed. It's only that I've just been putting the information onto the D81 form and Form A, but unfortunately it's the assets as of now and not when we split 3 years ago 🙄 which makes a bit of a mockery of the decisions made at that time........however, until now, she has kept to the agreement.

The issues has arose because I've decided to go on holiday with my girlfriend and she did think it was wrong as it effected one of the days my kids are normally with me (although I have organised grandparents to help me out) so one of my children is now refusing to visit me and my ex is not talking to me, or responding to my messages. They have both vented that my decision is wrong and I should always be there to look after my children (although it is only one night and my parents have said they will have them).
So it's just getting a little tense from my point of view as I just want this nightmare over and done so I can move on and not be held to ransom over my life and decisions I make for me and my children.
 
Hmm. So that doesn't sound promising if she can get a child to refuse to come. I don't know how old the child is but it sounds like parental influence.

You say child arrangements are agreed but that is not legally binding unless it's in a child arrangements order (which can also be done by consent). If they were in a child arrangements, it would be none of her business if you decided to like child with Grandparents for one night and she would just have to comply with the arrangements. So she is starting to sound like the resident Mother dictating things already.

Having said that, I wouldn't go away if my son was with me. If it was something pre booked I would probably explain to my ex I wasn't going to be there that night and ask to change dates by a day - but then I don't have any parents to leave child with and there is nothing wrong with that.
 
My daughter is 12, son 14.
The child arrangements are not legally binded, it was just something we agreed together (or I got told) at the split. The issue is it's a day on day off arrangement, so is very difficult to actually do anything with my girlfriend. We are actually only going away Fri - Mon, so three nights, so I would actually be back Mon when it would be my night I should have my children.

My arrangements are Week 1, M, W, F. Week 2, M, W, Sa.

I did ask to swap the weekend before (since it's the 6 weeks) so they do not miss out on my time, however, she is not very flexible unless it suits.

Also, my Daughter is going away for a week with my ex mother in law for a week and they are all going to Disneyland for a F-M trip. I never got asked to swap, I just lost my days 🤷🏻‍♂️.
 
That is ridiculous - day on day off. And clearly designed to stop you having any kind of relationship. Neither is it good for kids - too much bouncing around. Once your divorce and financials are finalised your ex could well just mess about with the child arrangements more.

I would suggest you don't rush to finalise the divorce yet, but apply for a child arrangements order for 50.50 shared care - lives with both parents, either week on week off or 2-2-5-5 (which is the same two midweek nights every week plus every other week-end - the 5 nights is the two midweek nights plus the 3 night week-end) and half the school holidays.

If she will agree to that by consent you don't need to apply to court. Make her wait for the financials to be finalised until you have the Child Arrangements finalised.

Having said that, the kids are 12 and 14 and if she can make them refuse to come that is concerning. I still think it's worth applying for a CAO though. She can't argue against 50/50 as it's already 50/50 but you'd be proposing a more child focused schedule.
 
Totally agree, but what options do we have as dad's as the mum's always seem to make all the decisions.
I will look into this CAO as it is bizarre what I have to go through.
 
@Ash is right, I think for thensake of your children you should be looking to hold off rushing into any finalisation of the divorced.

Alongside the drawing up of the childcare arrangements to send to her for agreement, I would book my Mediation Initial Assessment Meeting (MIAM) now - so that whilst she is considering it, you can at least be prepared to move to the next step.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ash
Thank you @Ash and @MagicJ
I'll check into the MIAM more as did want to try and sort this out amicably but it seems that we're now coming to a point where she doesn't want this and I actually need something different that what's been arranged.
My worry is that my children will not want to change also and at their ages, it'll probably harder to accept if things do change.
But thank you both for the advice
 
Our concern as fathers & parents is always what will be best for the children, you'd be surprised at how adaptable they can be but you are right it can get challenging as they age.

I'm glad you've got another person in your life, I hope they are able to support you and understand what you are going though.

Ultimately, our children will always be the centre of our universe and as seperating fathers we sacrifice a lot in our own life to improve the quality of theirs.

Be patient, the situation may not change easily but it will change.

Be confident, any change you suggest which gives a stable schedule like @Ash stated is beneficial to both them & you.

Be gentle, children can sometimes struggle under both the pressure of Mums view and finding their own identity - if they've caved it tells me you are the more flexible & child focussed parent- just remind them:

- you love them
- you are always there for them
- you will always have their best interests at the centre of what you do
- it's okay for them express their own views & feelings
- maybe suggest next time they come you can discuss those views if they want

Never be critical of Mum, not only because its not worth it for yourself but also because it puts the kids under pressure unintentionally.

You know your children best, hope that helps inform your approach !
 
dinosaur2020 said:
Hi, does anyone have a similar or been through this situation?
I've had my Final Notice through so can apply to be divorced, but I've read that I must get my consent order sorted before I do this?
However, after initially agreeing everything outside of solicitors and drafting all the forms up, my ex has now fallen out with me and is not responding to texts or emails from me asking about the forms being signed. What should my next steps be as I want to get the consent order sorted and then I can finally be divorced with a clean break.
A very frustrated, wanting to move on, ex husband
Click to expand...
Please were you able to sort out the CAO first before the financial order and the final divorce
 
This is the aim of all parents who are child focused but it is not easy and is generally dependent on a number of factors in each case, primarily when did each case start and how complex is the childcare case
 
MagicJ said:
This is the aim of all parents who are child focused but it is not easy and is generally dependent on a number of factors in each case, primarily when did each case start and how complex is the childcare case
Click to expand...
I have attend three already and waiting for section 7
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top