FHDRA Help Please!

[Babblingbrook]

Hi,

Appreciate some help here.

After contacting the family court after making a C100 application in December, I was told it would take months for the application to be processed.
Then I then get an email from my solicitor last week with a court date in April for the FHDRA.

I will get my solicitor to help me with the FHDRA so I don't mess it up. I have a few questions.

• On the day, I will need to attend, I guess my ex-partner needs to attend to?
• Do my children have to attend?
• Is anyone else (e.g other family members) allowed to attend?
• What do I need to prepare for the FHDRA meeting?

I know I can ask by solicitor all these questions, would just appreciate some help from someone who has been through this process, and its £22.50 for each email to my solicitor!

I really would appreciate some help here, this is my last chance of trying to sort out access to see my kids, who I haven't seen for over a year.

Thanks in advance

 

[childfirst]

Hi,

Appreciate some help here.

After contacting the family court after making a C100 application in December, I was told it would take months for the application to be processed.
Then I then get an email from my solicitor last week with a court date in April for the FHDRA.

I will get my solicitor to help me with the FHDRA so I don't mess it up. I have a few questions.

• On the day, I will need to attend, I guess my ex-partner needs to attend to?
• Do my children have to attend?
• Is anyone else (e.g other family members) allowed to attend?
• What do I need to prepare for the FHDRA meeting?

I know I can ask by solicitor all these questions, would just appreciate some help from someone who has been through this process, and its £22.50 for each email to my solicitor!

I really would appreciate some help here, this is my last chance of trying to sort out access to see my kids, who I haven't seen for over a year.

Thanks in advance

It could help if you can briefly outline the situation which has got you to this point?
Within your C100 what have to stated or asking for?

For sure you are in an amazing group - The more info you can provide will help you get what you need.

 

[Babblingbrook]

I have had no contact with my kids for over a year. My ex and my kids don't respond to any messages I send them. My partner has blocked me so I have no idea of anything thats going on in my kids lives other than the contact I have with the kids school.

I have asked the court for regular visits with the children, at weekends and during school holidays.

 

[Jayy_]

Hi,

Appreciate some help here.

After contacting the family court after making a C100 application in December, I was told it would take months for the application to be processed.
Then I then get an email from my solicitor last week with a court date in April for the FHDRA.

I will get my solicitor to help me with the FHDRA so I don't mess it up. I have a few questions.

• On the day, I will need to attend, I guess my ex-partner needs to attend to?
• Do my children have to attend?
• Is anyone else (e.g other family members) allowed to attend?
• What do I need to prepare for the FHDRA meeting?

I know I can ask by solicitor all these questions, would just appreciate some help from someone who has been through this process, and its £22.50 for each email to my solicitor!

I really would appreciate some help here, this is my last chance of trying to sort out access to see my kids, who I haven't seen for over a year.

Thanks in advance

• On the day, I will need to attend, I guess my ex-partner needs to attend to? - Yes she will otherwise strong possibility it will be adjourned (happened to me recently)
• Do my children have to attend? No
• Is anyone else (e.g other family members) allowed to attend? No
• What do I need to prepare for the FHDRA meeting? Do not need to prepare anything but it would be good to send and have a position statement outlining background eg previous arrangement, what led to the c100, current position eg your completely blocked and also what you are seeking. Example here - https://www.dadswithkids.co.uk/resources/sample-position-statement.10/

If the context is quite simple and money is tight you may not need a solicitor for the paper work. There is a lot of resources and help on the forum. Someone will always be willing to look over position statement if needed. The first hearing is just for the judge to understand the issue and see if there is any possibility of agreement at that hearing.

Prior to the hearing you will have a call from CAFASS. This is a safeguarding call for them to report back to the court. They will summarise your call and a call from your ex too. And set out any recommendations they have for next steps.

Do you mind sharing what has led to the breakdown of sorting out an arrangement? someone would have probably been through similar and can advise according to the exact situation. Also how old are the kids?

 

[Resolute]

On the day, I will need to attend, I guess my ex-partner needs to attend to?

You and your ex will both be expected to attend. If you do not, decisions can be made in your absence.

Do my children have to attend?

Not ordinarily. Unless they are older, teens, and invited.

Is anyone else (e.g other family members) allowed to attend?

They can go with you to the court building but could only go into the hearing as a McKenzie Friend. There is a form to fill in and your ex might object.

What do I need to prepare for the FHDRA meeting?

The main task is writing a position statement. This is a short summary of main points and the order sought. Details of the case may suggest other tasks that would help you prepare. For example, sometimes it can make sense to do an alcohol test and knock allegations on the head.

 

[Jayy_]

Ignore me on the family members attending! Wasn’t aware family members could also do this. Thanks @Resolute

 

[Babblingbrook]

• On the day, I will need to attend, I guess my ex-partner needs to attend to? - Yes she will otherwise strong possibility it will be adjourned (happened to me recently)
• Do my children have to attend? No
• Is anyone else (e.g other family members) allowed to attend? No
• What do I need to prepare for the FHDRA meeting? Do not need to prepare anything but it would be good to send and have a position statement outlining background eg previous arrangement, what led to the c100, current position eg your completely blocked and also what you are seeking. Example here - https://www.dadswithkids.co.uk/resources/sample-position-statement.10/

If the context is quite simple and money is tight you may not need a solicitor for the paper work. There is a lot of resources and help on the forum. Someone will always be willing to look over position statement if needed. The first hearing is just for the judge to understand the issue and see if there is any possibility of agreement at that hearing.

Prior to the hearing you will have a call from CAFASS. This is a safeguarding call for them to report back to the court. They will summarise your call and a call from your ex too. And set out any recommendations they have for next steps.

Do you mind sharing what has led to the breakdown of sorting out an arrangement? someone would have probably been through similar and can advise according to the exact situation. Also how old are the kids?

The kids are 11 and 16.

I was forced out of the family home last year due to allegations of an affair and made homeless. I was going through a tough time with poor mental health issues. There have also been other allegations made, but due to me not really having any contact with my ex or the kids, I have no idea really why the kids don't want to spend any time with me or even speak to me. She has made out I was a nightmare to live with and have mentally scarred her.

I had minimal contact initially with the kids over the phone, then this ended abruptly. I feel like I have been completely alienated from the children. I have had no contact with my ex, the kids, or any of her side of the family for going on a year. Other than contact with my kids school, I really have no idea how they are.

I tried to sort out mediation, buy this came to nothing, hence me applying for a court order.

Really appreciate yours and everyones help on this forum !

 

[Peanut 21]

Do the kids have their own phones/email addresses/social media/whatsapp?

It's awful when you can't get hold of them. My partner and I do WhatsApp statuses and his children look at them. Currently that is the only form of contact my partner has as neither child responds to messages.
He's a lot further down a very long road of years of alienation though so hopefully you can get something rectified soon.

What was the relationship like with your children before you were pushed out?
It may be that they desperately want to speak to you and see you but their mum is putting them under pressure to ignore you and guilt tripping them if they mention you.

When it comes to a court hearing they will listen to your children's wishes and feelings due to their ages. They can't order a 16 year old see the other parent but an 11 year old is on the cusp of still being added to a court order.
Hopefully if anyone speaks to your children such as a cafcass officer or social worker, they say they'd like to see you. This is why it's good if you have evidence of a close and loving relationship with them before you split with the ex.

 

[Babblingbrook]

Do the kids have their own phones/email addresses/social media/whatsapp?

It's awful when you can't get hold of them. My partner and I do WhatsApp statuses and his children look at them. Currently that is the only form of contact my partner has as neither child responds to messages.
He's a lot further down a very long road of years of alienation though so hopefully you can get something rectified soon.

What was the relationship like with your children before you were pushed out?
It may be that they desperately want to speak to you and see you but their mum is putting them under pressure to ignore you and guilt tripping them if they mention you.

When it comes to a court hearing they will listen to your children's wishes and feelings due to their ages. They can't order a 16 year old see the other parent but an 11 year old is on the cusp of still being added to a court order.
Hopefully if anyone speaks to your children such as a cafcass officer or social worker, they say they'd like to see you. This is why it's good if you have evidence of a close and loving relationship with them before you split with the ex.

My daughter has a phone yes but she has stopped responding to messages. She stopped reading my Whatsapp messages. I send her text messages but no idea if she reads them. I send them both a letter sometimes so I hope they read them.

I have sent them gifts for birthdays and xmas, topped up money on their cards, regularly check in with their schools, not much more I can so really.

I had a good relationship with both of them before separation, but I have been completely alienated. I'm not too optimistic tbh, but this is the last thing I can do I guess to try and get some form of contact.

 

[Peanut 21]

Have you looked into any of the people who discuss PA?

Karen Woodall
Professor Ben Hine
The Anti-alienation Project and Ryan Thomas on YouTube?

You are doing the right thing by messaging and writing to them.
Unfortunately it's a marathon and not a sprint in this situation.

 

[Jayy_]

My daughter has a phone yes but she has stopped responding to messages. She stopped reading my Whatsapp messages. I send her text messages but no idea if she reads them. I send them both a letter sometimes so I hope they read them.

I have sent them gifts for birthdays and xmas, topped up money on their cards, regularly check in with their schools, not much more I can so really.

I had a good relationship with both of them before separation, but I have been completely alienated. I'm not too optimistic tbh, but this is the last thing I can do I guess to try and get some form of contact.

It is good you have been trying to keep contact, shows there has been attempt.

As peanut mentioned the 16 year old will be hard but the 11 can still be on the court order depending on what they say. Their feelings will be taking into account. If they say horrible things citing the mother has told them, it would be clear that they have been bought into adult conversation which shouldn’t be the case.

There will definitely be false allegations and sorry to say but do not be surprised if the children have also been trained to agree with stories your ex might have made up. However social workers tend to be able to see through this.

It would be good to see it through to find out what the children have been told which could explain why they are no longer responding and hopefully get this rectified down the line