Contacting ex after bail conditions end

[MJP]

Hi all, this is my first post and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Two weeks ago my ex collected my son (eight years old) and was angry about arrangements regarding the following weekend. Long story short she scratched my car, I contacted 101 to log the incident and then I had a knock at the door and was promptly arrested for assault.

In my interview my ex said that I had pushed her (I didn’t) and expect charges will be dropped when I report back to the police station in two weeks time.

My ex so far has refused to let me see or speak to my son (contact made through third party as per bail conditions) but when these conditions end I would at least like to speak to my son after a month with no contact.

My question - If I contact my ex via phone/email/text could she use this contact as case for harassment? We already have a court order in place from four years ago so she would be breaking it by not letting me see my son?

She has said my son doesn’t want to speak to me (ridiculous) and I’m expecting I will need to go down the court route to re install contact. Anyone who’s been in this situation I would appreciate your feedback advice

Thanks

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Don't break the bail conditions, however tempting. The police will often call you before the bail date , to cancel the bail if they are taking no further action.
She will most likely file for a non molestation order (NMO) against you and will use the assault allegation as proof of domestic violence so as to claim legal aid, be ready for this. This can take 4-6 weeks to be served and the first you will know about it as someone thrusts a wad of papers in your hands as you come home and state "served" before walking away all smug and satisfied. Take a deep breath and read it carefully, then reread it, then go in the garden and jump up and down, then read it again.

Strategy
1. Do NOT tell your ex what your plans are moving forward, she has turned toxic and all your bridges are burnt now.
2. Book mediation for child arrangements, you need this to move forward.
3. File a C100 for child arrangements order (CAO) ASAP, as soon as the mediation is done, or you have the certificate to show it is not suitable or exempt.
4. Again, do NOT tell your ex, or she will stay one step ahead of you constantly, and cause far more issues.
5. Come back on the forum and ask questions, but be careful to stay general, dont write anything in the forum that can identify you or your children.

me ? I've just been through everything you have just been and I'm awaiting court dates, so yep,, its common, it happens and its just how it is.

One last thing, your son won't forget you and one big hug will make up for the pain ....

 

[MJP]

Really appreciate the reply and I’ll take your advice and crack on with some paperwork. Thanks again

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Really appreciate the reply and I’ll take your advice and crack on with some paperwork. Thanks again

I've found that there are some excellent people on this site who will give you good advice and help you, take a read through the forum posts, and pose any questions you have. The admin on this site deserve a knighthood as they really go the extra mile for you. Feel some comfort that you're not alone and many (too many) have been through the same as you, if not worse. Tough times ahead, batten down the hatches and prepare !

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

One last thing tonight, the mediation is a bit of a joke, after all, if both parents were reasonable, there would be no need for it, but you can't file for court until you have done it, or are exempt. google the exemption list for MIAM and you'll see. The court ? you don't need a solicitor most are litigant in person and this forum can help you. The C100 is a straightforward form and the fee is £232, and you can just fill it in and send by email to the court, be careful when filling it in though, you get what you ask for as a maximum, some of the admin staff will check your form for you before you submit, if you ask them. It is worth having someone check it over, simple mistakes are best rectified before you submit it, the devil is in the detail for what arrangements you are actually requesting. Expect carnage from your ex,, false allegations are par for the course for the ex, but you need to be the monk, and not rise to them, simply deny them, don't be hostile, always be seen as the reasonable one.

 

[MJP]

Really appreciate the reply and I’ll take your advice and crack on with some paperwork.

One last thing tonight, the mediation is a bit of a joke, after all, if both parents were reasonable, there would be no need for it, but you can't file for court until you have done it, or are exempt. google the exemption list for MIAM and you'll see. The court ? you don't need a solicitor most are litigant in person and this forum can help you. The C100 is a straightforward form and the fee is £232, and you can just fill it in and send by email to the court, be careful when filling it in though, you get what you ask for as a maximum, some of the admin staff will check your form for you before you submit, if you ask them. It is worth having someone check it over, simple mistakes are best rectified before you submit it, the devil is in the detail for what arrangements you are actually requesting. Expect carnage from your ex,, false allegations are par for the course for the ex, but you need to be the monk, and not rise to them, simply deny them, don't be hostile, always be seen as the reasonable one.

 

[MJP]

Can I just double check - I have been through the court system approximately five years ago and I was awarded every other weekend and midweek evening visits. If an order is still in place (I’m guessing it is?) which she is currently ignoring, do I still start with the c100?

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Can I just double check - I have been through the court system approximately five years ago and I was awarded every other weekend and midweek evening visits. If an order is still in place (I’m guessing it is?) which she is currently ignoring, do I still start with the c100?

That would be one for the more experienced members on here, it might require an enforcement hearing if your ex is breaking the terms of your current order.

 

[MJP]

I've found that there are some excellent people on this site who will give you good advice and help you, take a read through the forum posts, and pose any questions you have. The admin on this site deserve a knighthood as they really go the extra mile for you. Feel some comfort that you're not alone and many (too many) have been through the same as you, if not worse. Tough times ahead, batten down the hatches and prepare !

I’ve been reading lots on the message board and there seems to be a lot of similar stories. It’s real

 

[MJP]

… really sad. Already been a great resource in pointing me where to go. Thanks again, I’m sure I’ll have more questions as things proceed.

 

[Ash]

So is she witholding your son now? You could maybe send a "letter before action" giving her chance to the follow the order. If you're concerned she'd accuse you of harrassment, you might need to get a solicitor's letter sent. Although I'd have thought that one, brief communication on a formal basis would be ok. Something like

"Hi. I am just writing to ask you to comply with your obligations under the Child Arrangements order dated x date. Please can you confirm x will be made available to collect as usual at xpm on x day. If there are any issues you wish to discuss, I am happy to attend mediation to resolve any issues.

Regards, your name"

If you need to enforce or apply to vary the order, you would need something like that as evidence, but ideally I'd try and get it sorted without returning to court if you can. The courts will expect both parents to rise above any unpleasant incidents and put the child first. They will just see it as hostility between parents. However you probably would manage to get the order enforced. But if she continued to make allegations, it might lead to a section 7 and lengthy delays. Hence if there is any chance of letting things settle down to see your son regularly, that would be better, and make a note of the incident.

 

[MJP]

So is she witholding your son now? You could maybe send a "letter before action" giving her chance to the follow the order. If you're concerned she'd accuse you of harrassment, you might need to get a solicitor's letter sent. Although I'd have thought that one, brief communication on a formal basis would be ok. Something like

"Hi. I am just writing to ask you to comply with your obligations under the Child Arrangements order dated x date. Please can you confirm x will be made available to collect as usual at xpm on x day. If there are any issues you wish to discuss, I am happy to attend mediation to resolve any issues.

Regards, your name"

If you need to enforce or apply to vary the order, you would need something like that as evidence, but ideally I'd try and get it sorted without returning to court if you can. The courts will expect both parents to rise above any unpleasant incidents and put the child first. They will just see it as hostility between parents. However you probably would manage to get the order enforced. But if she continued to make allegations, it might lead to a section 7 and lengthy delays. Hence if there is any chance of letting things settle down to see your son regularly, that would be better, and make a note of the incident.

Hi Ash, yes, I will be sending a formal request once my bail conditions are over and I’m praying she will have cooled down and be reasonable but I’ve got a bad feeling it’s not going to go that way. She has already baited me by messaging from my son’s iPad (registered in her name/email) as my son when it’s clearly not, hoping I’d reply this breaking my bail conditions. She also replied to my third party (neice) in a very formal manner like she had been given legal advice (her brothers friend works in law)

I’ll update after my bail conditions are over but will send the letter requesting contact and/or mediation and if no response work on the C79 form

Thanks for replying, appreciated

 

[Ash]

Ok understood it's best not to contact her until after bail is lifted. However she is witholding your son. So I don't think you should wait. I'd get a solicitor's letter sent similar to above, and then if she doesn't restart the time with your son, apply to enforce. You have a court order in place for the child arrangements, and she is not following it. I wouldn't wait and have a long time before you see your son - but have the letter come from someone else on your behalf. You could pay a solicitor a one off fee for writing a letter, then if your ex doesn't let you see your son, get signed off mediation and apply to enforce the order - or apply to vary. Which to do would take some thinking about. An enforcement can be a quicker hearing.