Well what a week I have had. My adjourned FHDRA was on Tuesday. I think I am only now emotionally steadied enough to tell you how it went.
I must admit, you guys gave me a lot to think about. I poured over your very good and sound advice for most of the weekend of 11th November. You were all absolutely right in that advice, that despite my ex not providing her half of the hair strand test fee, I should pay for and do it anyway as that was the right thing to do. I must tell you, I made the decision to ignore your advice!
I made the decision to stick to my guns as she had been ordered in the interim order to transfer to me £350 of the £700 hair strand test fee. She had also been ordered to submit to the court and all parties a list of all DV allegations against me with dates and times and outcomes. Neither of these were complied with. She was in breach of the order.
It was a massive gamble, and I have never been as nervous as I was waiting to connect to the remote hearing. I was literally shaking as I tried to take sips of water to wet my dry throat.
It paid off! Straight off the bat the DJ shone the spotlight on my ex and asked her where was the information ordered and where was the money for the test? I had highlighted very clearly in the position statement for this hearing that I had tried to complete the test under my own steam after giving up waiting for her half of the money but I ran out of time as I could not afford it all myself. Your words of advice were ringing in my head as the DJ queried what the situation with this matter was and I was prepared for my decision to backfire. But it didn't. My explanation in the statement did the trick and the DJ squarely blamed the failure to comply with my ex. She tried to blame me and came out with a whole raft of excuses which didn't add up or excuse why she had failed to comply.
Another unusual aspect of this hearing was that my dads application for a CAO for his own time my son was permitted and his and my cases were consolidated and heard together. She was up against me, my barrister and my dad.
After chewing her out over her failure to comply with the interim order, the DJ then asked her about my sons contact with my dad. Prior to her stopping contact in March, my dad was picking him up for dinner every Sunday and often had him overnight. They have a very strong grampy/grandson bond.
She began to shout at the DJ. Making all kinds of spurious allegations that my dad smacked my son and that sleeping arrangements weren't suitable. The DJ is now beginning to see for himself what I spent years dealing with. Her aggressive, pathological lying.
The DJ finally said that he did not support these allegations and, in accordance with the CAFCASS report that states that my sons contact with his grandfather had been a vital part of his upbringing and stopping contact was not in his best interest, decided that direct contact should resume. To which my ex replied; "make whatever f*****g order you want, he ain't f******g having anything to do with my kid!"
The DJ began to explain the reasons for his decision and as he was trying to talk my ex is shouting over him telling him that she decides where her child goes and that he can make whatever order he likes, she will not comply with it!!
The DJ then said; "I strongly advise you to remember where you are and who you are talking to. I am the judge here, not you." To which she replied; "I don't give a f*** who you are mate, nobody tells me who I can and can't let my son see!"
Things then took a turn for the worse for her, but better for me. The DJ decided that no separate FFH will be needed. I still need to provide the hair strand test so that the alcohol allegations are afforded the appropriate due diligence and disproved, but she has been ordered again to provide her half of the fee by the end of November. He advised her that of she does not comply, that will be considered a third breach of a court order and he will impose unpaid work on her. Her reply was; "yeah right!"
He then advised her that her confrontational manner is not going to end well for her and strongly advised her that she should appoint legal representation as she is on course to have her son taken off her!!
She advised the DJ to "go f*** himself" and she hung up and left the video call.
The DJ has set a Final Hearing for the end of January, and my barrister has advised me that I should prepare to assume the role of resident parent!
I feel like I have been in chains for most of this year and they have finally been taken off. I am high on the feeling of being nearly at the finish line.