Christmas with the ex wife

[Nujra Rof]

Hi guys,

So I’ve filed for divorce and the 20 week period ends in April, so we are continuing to live in the marital home together as neither one wants to lose rights to our two young children.

At times it’s amicable and at times rough.

Christmas coming up and every year I dress as Santa and bring presents after lunch - I get good presents for kids and jokey presents for adults. For my soon to be ex wife I got “anti moaning tablets” with directions stating to be taken through the rectum for excessive moaning (& filled the fake medicine box with her fav chocs so bit of humour and bit of nice.

Do you think this will be ok?

Everyone gets funny presents eg. Last year my father in law got a comb (& he has no hair lol). Just a bit of a laugh but not sure if she will like it or not even though it’s the tradition…

 

[Ash]

Hmm - she might not have the same sense of humour this year! But you know her better than us.

 

[Oneofmany]

I think that might not go down well bud. Let us know how it goes tho

 

[Nujra Rof]

Hahahaha! I think maybe I should get a second gift to soften it up, something small maybe…

Also though she messaged me on WhatsApp this week to ask if I liked her suggestion for my mum’s Christmas present (she recommended a present on Amazon during an amicable phase) and I said yes I bought it, she said where is my thanks? And I said Santa will get you a present for being good - she goes oh wow that will be a first, blah blah blah - I told her I’m pinning this message to the top of our WhatsApp conversation to remind you on Christmas Day why I got you what I have (anti moaning tablets) - mean moaning when someone says they will get a present lol

 

[Peanut 21]

I think it will go down like a lead balloon. If I was in the process of a divorce I wouldn't bother getting anything tbh. And I wouldn't expect my stbx to get me one.

 

[Busydad1985]

As you know @nujira we are in similar situations - this will be a tough christmas for all of us. With this in context, I personally wouldnt offer the joke present, especially as there is likely a tough battle ahead next year and I feel we are in a position that we need to be seen as amicable, perfectly reasonable adults in our conduct.

I would see this kind of harmless fun as an opportunity to give her ammunition against your character, and could potentially spark an unwanted atmosphere or argument (just based on our conversations about your ex wife recently).

Save yourself the potential added stress and dont do it - Christmas will be different this year whatever way you look at it, just roll with it and focus on giving your best to the kids. Thats what Im doing

 

[proud_dad]

As you know @nujira we are in similar situations - this will be a tough christmas for all of us. With this in context, I personally wouldnt offer the joke present, especially as there is likely a tough battle ahead next year and I feel we are in a position that we need to be seen as amicable, perfectly reasonable adults in our conduct.

I would see this kind of harmless fun as an opportunity to give her ammunition against your character, and could potentially spark an unwanted atmosphere or argument (just based on our conversations about your ex wife recently).

Save yourself the potential added stress and dont do it - Christmas will be different this year whatever way you look at it, just roll with it and focus on giving your best to the kids. Thats what Im doing

This x1000.

 

[Ash]

I would just give a token present "from you and the kids". It's a good routine to start for the future - each parent giving the other a gift from the kids. Maybe let them choose something, then they can say they chose it. If you want to give her a small gift as well I'd keep it fairly neutral. Eg a voucher or something.

 

[mva]

Def would t give her that present. It’s amazing what ends up in a caffcass report ( if it went to court.

“ The father chooses to humiliate and denigrate the mother in front of the children, a clear signs of abusive behaviour”. Suggest supervised contact and a fact find.”

Give her a box of chocs from the kids

 

[Ash]

Very good point.

 

[Nujra Rof]

Def would t give her that present. It’s amazing what ends up in a caffcass report ( if it went to court.

“ The father chooses to humiliate and denigrate the mother in front of the children, a clear signs of abusive behaviour”. Suggest supervised contact and a fact find.”

Give her a box of chocs from the kids

This is possibly the best advice - if it does end up being a battle than I need to be super squeaky clean, even though I am, no ammunition....It was such a funny present: - put the link below just to share the laugh with someone I guess....

I will get a personalised candle holder from snappy snaps with a pic of the three of them on there from last Christmas. Think that shows true Christmas spirit

Anti Moaning Novelty Joke Pill Tablet Box - Fun Rude Xmas/Birthday Gift - Funny | eBay

Anti Moaning Joke Pill Box + Prescription Bag.

www.ebay.co.uk

 

[Nujra Rof]

As you know @nujira we are in similar situations - this will be a tough christmas for all of us. With this in context, I personally wouldnt offer the joke present, especially as there is likely a tough battle ahead next year and I feel we are in a position that we need to be seen as amicable, perfectly reasonable adults in our conduct.

I would see this kind of harmless fun as an opportunity to give her ammunition against your character, and could potentially spark an unwanted atmosphere or argument (just based on our conversations about your ex wife recently).

Save yourself the potential added stress and dont do it - Christmas will be different this year whatever way you look at it, just roll with it and focus on giving your best to the kids. Thats what Im doing

Yes based on our recent conversations you have hit the nail on the head for the type of character my wife is (and possible reaction sparked)