Calendar Arrangements...

[Itsallgoingtobeok]

Hi Everyone,

I'm having an absolute nightmare trying to arrange the calendar with my ex for the year.

I have my son on a 50:50 shared basis in a week on week off format.

I also have a court order which states, I create a proposal and they have to do a counter proposal before a certain time so that we can agree it amicably. Failing this we have to go to mediation to sort it out.

Frankly I'm fed up with creating the calendar as it takes up a lot of time and is very frustrating as I have to deal with my ex.

Ideally I need someone independent to create the calendar for us who can act as a go between. (That isn't really expensive) So we both submit a proposal to them and they sort it all out.

Anyone have any ideas of someone that does this?

I'm at my limit of dealing with my ex.

Thanks,

 

[Tamagoto]

If it's week on / week off - that sounds like an easy set up, is the beef her agreeing?
I'd say pick up from school on Fridays, which is the swop over, end of term holidays is easy as they are 2 weeks, so split em, summer holidays go for a 2 week block each and a week each.

Personally I share an Ical calendar with my ex (and the kids) which means everyone can see what's happening

 

[Itsallgoingtobeok]

The week on off thing is fine, we do a Monday after school change over.

It's the arrangements over the whole year, as we try to keep everything 50:50.

We have a shared Gmail calendar, and use a spreadsheet which calcs how many days my kid is with either of us during term time and on hols over the year.

I think its pretty clear and fair, but, she doesn't seem to get it.

Thanks.

 

[Tamagoto]

One thing to get over is that it will never be bang on 50%, there's 365 days for one. If you're trying to get across to her that it's fair I'd try adding up all the nights at each house and showing that it's around 182 ish, that should be enough? What is she looking for, have you asked her what her problems are with the way you have set it out?

 

[Itsallgoingtobeok]

Yeah I know it's never 100% equal and that shows in the spreadsheet too.

Not sure what her problem is really, can't work it out.

If I knew that I'd be sorted!

 

[Tamagoto]

Well - honestly - have you just out and out asked her and said "if this is not good can you give me the specifics about why, and, what is your proposal"?

 

[Itsallgoingtobeok]

Yep done that!

 

[Itsallgoingtobeok]

We're about to go to mediation to sort it out, 3rd year in a row....

 

[Tamagoto]

So what specifically did she say? What feedback did you get?

 

[Ash]

So I take it it's the holidays? And she's reluctant to have it equal? What was your proposal? One thing you could send is something less specific and ask her to fill in the specifics.

Eg:

Dear Ex Name

Our order states the children will spend equal time with us. For the school holidays I suggest a full half term each, a split half term (I suggest February half term to be the shared one as not a great time for holidays), and clear halves for Easter and Christmas (eg first half or second half of Easter holidays), with a two week and one week period each in the summer. Perhaps you could let me know if this sounds ok and if so, which weeks you would prefer. My only preference for weeks is xyz but I can be flexible. There are 13 weeks school holidays a year, which is 6.5 weeks with each parent. Please can you let me know which 6.5 weeks you would prefer. Thank you.

Regards, you.

The important thing about sending that email (and seeing her response is) - if you can't get agreement on anything you may have to go back to court to get the holidays defined. This is very common. I think it helps (from my experience) to try and understand why your ex is being difficult about it. In my case it's that she wants carte blanche! ie she doesn't want to commit to agreed weeks - she wants to chop and change her plans as it suits her. Hence I had to get holiday weeks defined in an order. Although this might sound rigid, there is still the opportunity to swap weeks by agreement, if possible - but it allows you to book ahead knowing which weeks are ordered.

If you do have to go back to court, your reasonable email (and her response) will be good evidence. Unfortunately if your ex is not really wanting 50/50 and trying to shave time off, then she will not commit to agreeing anything and you're left up in the air - if the weeks aren't defined, they're not enforceable. But hope mediation helps.

The other common disagreement is - when the holidays start and when term ends. It doesn't actually matter what is agreed - whether the holidays start on the last day of term or the Monday after the week-end of the last day of term (with the weekend being part of a usual schedule) as long as that is consistent for every holiday.