Sounds remarkably similar to my situation - it’s somewhat comforting in a morbid kind of way that it’s not just me facing this.
I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore because of the endless gaslighting and manipulation, making me the bad guy all the time and my old way was to twist and shape everything I am to try and meet her ever changing expectations. I am done with doing that, I am a damn good dad and I won’t back down from this, no matter how hard it is.
Since the split, all of a sudden she’s being overly loving, going out of her way to be super present with the kids in ways she has never done before. She’s gutted and cleaned the house. She’s done everything I was doing and slowly trying to cut me out of doing what I was doing.
Yesterday, my 10yr old girl came up to me and asked if I would ever leave mummy (we promised not to talk to them about it until we have a plan sorted for where we live) - felt like she was putting her up to it to see how I’d react. Not cool.
Oh my god!!! My Mrs is doing the same thing - all of a sudden she can’t get enough of the kids, trying to overly care for them, like the other night me and my daughter were running around the house, she fell over and I said come on up you get you’re fine, she went over all dramatic and hugging her saying what’s wrong, where does it hurt, show mummy….obviously a kid laps it up, but I was stunned, like she’s just fallen over on soft carpet…plus more so you never leave scrolling on your phone to do that with the kids, what’s changed hey!?
But yeah I drop them off and pick them up from school/nursery every day as it’s on my way to work, plus I have scheduled my day to finish at there finishing time. All of a sudden I’m getting texts at work from her saying she’s picking them up so I can work longer if I want or the kids specifically requested her! Oh man! It’s a joke! I let it slide once but then I just said look it makes no sense, I work 30 seconds from there school (literally) and finish same time. She replied it’s not a competition! Hahahahahahaha! I just said “I know it’s not, just doing what I always do…”
In a way I’m glad she’s changed with the kids and shouting less, kids deserve a mum who is patient and nice, they’ll only have one mum so may as well look at the silver lining that there’s is improving herself. Doesn’t mean I want to reconcile with her, mean she is who she is inside - and I fear as kids grow up and realise her negative and judgemental personality, towards pretty much everyone even family members, then they’ll think it’s normal and I don’t want that. I want them to see me be me, not tip toeing round there mum so she doesn’t go off the rails shouting like she’s the queen and we have to cater only to her. These are kids and deserve to be free and innocent and run around and shout and make mistakes, without fear or anxiety of how another person will react towards them in a really harsh manner.
My wife has started serious money talks, put a land reg charge on the house so I can’t sell it without her permission (like I’d do that leave us and our two toddlers without a home, also don’t know how that would work without showing people round it lol) & asked me to transfer savings all into one account (through a letter from her solicitor!), so she can play nice with the kids, but I know at her core she is an opportunistic, selfish and coercive/controlling/manipulative person. I won’t back down now…. Told her this is your shot, shoot it and take as much from me financially as you can because that’s all you are really focused on, but after the day we divorce I will never have to worry about tip toeing round you or bending over for you and it will be worth whatever this costs me!
