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ANY TIPS - First joint mediation next week

So I proposed another 50-50 schedule (with mediator copied in so can't be used in court), but she has now done a total u turn and won't agree to any schedule as none are in the kids' interest and better we reconcile, send me loads of messages on how we can make things work!!!!!!!!!

We are going court in ten days... Do not understand what she is doing
 
Peanut 21 said:
www.psychologytoday.com

Guilt-Tripping: How to Recognize and Deal with It

Do you find yourself feeling guilty when you don't know why? Are you questioning yourself and reality? Well, you might be the victim of guilt-tripping. Here's what to do.
www.psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com
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Avengers reference on the article - love it:

"Once you've inevitably made some kind of mistake in the relationship because, you know, you are human, the guilt-tripper may hold on to it like Thanos did with the Infinity Gauntlet and keep weaponizing it."
 
I'd be incredibly wary of her motives.

If you were to back away from the final hearing today, she could revert to type to tomorrow and you'd be in the exact same position you were months and months ago.

Is the hearing set to cost you a lot of money?

Are you both represented?

There is normally a good bit of time before the hearing for both parties to try and thrash out a consent order.

If she's genuine about reconciling and is committed to putting the kids first this time could be used to have am agreement in place.

Personally I'd see it as a huge display of commitment from the Mother if she were to agree.

My heart tells me otherwise and it's her way or the highway.

I'd keep communications brief with her but maybe suggest that if CAO could be agreed you'd have time and energy to focus on the relationship.

My best bet is that she would refuse and then you'll know exactly what her motives are.
 
nothernsoul said:
I'd be incredibly wary of her motives.

If you were to back away from the final hearing today, she could revert to type to tomorrow and you'd be in the exact same position you were months and months ago.

Is the hearing set to cost you a lot of money?

Are you both represented?

There is normally a good bit of time before the hearing for both parties to try and thrash out a consent order.

If she's genuine about reconciling and is committed to putting the kids first this time could be used to have am agreement in place.

Personally I'd see it as a huge display of commitment from the Mother if she were to agree.

My heart tells me otherwise and it's her way or the highway.

I'd keep communications brief with her but maybe suggest that if CAO could be agreed you'd have time and energy to focus on the relationship.

My best bet is that she would refuse and then you'll know exactly what her motives are.
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So this is a first hearing coming up, and I do not have a solicitor but a DAB. She still hasn't paid her solicitor who I have been chasing for the bundle as her being represented is responsible for it. I got a message from her letting me know she is using joint savings to pay her solicitor today, a week before the hearing! So until today she has most likely not done too much but no doubt now her legal representation will be in overdrive. I think the money aspect probably only hit her today, I would certainly hope that spending almost £4k will make her think carefully if she wants more hearings or to agree a schedule. My solicitor did say she is surprised she hasn't shouted domestic violence and got legal aid. I am concerned she may still do that with a week to go as now the payment aspect becomes real.

The CAO does not finalise the divorce, our twenty week wait doesn't expire till April-ish time, but this would be one thing taken care of then theoretically yes there could be more focus on the relationship and reconciling if that is what she really wanted, but we will see her true hand at the hearing, my position has always been 50/50 and even today I chased her solicitor for the bundle and copied my latest 50/50 proposal to her and said if your client agrees than we can proceed to a draft order to be rubber stamped. Her solicitor never replies to me but I think that is a common theme on here.

I don't get the weak attempts at reconciliation, it is one end of the scale to the other, one moment reconciliation and the next telling me I'm an unfit father and kids should only see me two days a week!

In my heart I know none of the reconciliation attempts are because she loves and cares for me, she does love and care for the kids (in her own way, I'm much more calm as a person where as she is angry and temperamental but I don't want to deny she loves and cares for them). And she wants to stay together for them and also to keep living for free, not for me as a person, I know she thinks she is better than me for whatever reason and has no respect for me. She says she will change but this has been years and years of her disrespecting me in front of the kids, talking rudely and shouting at me in front of them. If I pull out of this now after it has taken so much courage than she will revert to type sooner or later, plus I know she isn't in the marriage for me. If there was any way I could make it work for the kids I would just stay but my young children comment on her shouting at me too now :(
 
Nujra Rof said:
I actually asked her at one point if she has a biased towards women as would take everything she said as gospel!!
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The mediation is in privilege , this means that none of the proceedings is admissible as evidence of any kind in family court. So other than the fact that you undertook mediation, or did not, nothing else can be disclosed in court proceedings, the mediator cannot be called to give evidence or write a statement and the court will strike out any attempt to put mediation contents in statements.

In other words , what happens in mediation, stays there. Unless you come to an agreement, draw it up, and take it to a court to seal.
 
NewcastleBrownAle said:
The mediation is in privilege , this means that none of the proceedings is admissible as evidence of any kind in family court. So other than the fact that you undertook mediation, or did not, nothing else can be disclosed in court proceedings, the mediator cannot be called to give evidence or write a statement and the court will strike out any attempt to put mediation contents in statements.

In other words , what happens in mediation, stays there. Unless you come to an agreement, draw it up, and take it to a court to seal.
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She discussed it openly at home so barrister said it can be mentioned at she stated the schedule when talking about moving to her parents - outside of mediation this is - so is mentioning it on the position statement
 
I'd imagine if she isn't paying the Solicitors then they won't be replying until she does.

I'd also be removing the exact same amount of funds she has withdrawn from the shared savings into your own personal account if you have one.

I have no idea if there is a cut off point for when you can start claiming legal aid but I'd be prepared for her to start making a claim so keep your nose clean
 
nothernsoul said:
I'd imagine if she isn't paying the Solicitors then they won't be replying until she does.

I'd also be removing the exact same amount of funds she has withdrawn from the shared savings into your own personal account if you have one.

I have no idea if there is a cut off point for when you can start claiming legal aid but I'd be prepared for her to start making a claim so keep your nose clean
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Well I haven’t seen it moved out of the joint savings yet, am hoping it does so at least I know she has made the payment and is ready. If she turns up on her own I’d be shocked. I am LIP but have a DAB, she asked me outright yesterday am I using a solicitor for the hearing and I said no! As I am not and am LIP, but she may be slightly surprised when I turn up with a DAB & say I lied to her but she asked me if I am using a solicitor and answer is no. Maybe she thinks I’m going in underprepared
 
Nujra Rof said:
She discussed it openly at home so barrister said it can be mentioned at she stated the schedule when talking about moving to her parents - outside of mediation this is - so is mentioning it on the position statement
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your position statement or hers? sorry your post is a little confusing. I'd be very careful, as mediation is in privilege and the courts don't like details being mentioned in family court - it breaks privilege.
 
NewcastleBrownAle said:
your position statement or hers? sorry your post is a little confusing. I'd be very careful, as mediation is in privilege and the courts don't like details being mentioned in family court - it breaks privilege.
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On my position statement I’ve mentioned her schedule as she discussed it at home outside of mediation
 
Nujra Rof said:
Well I haven’t seen it moved out of the joint savings yet, am hoping it does so at least I know she has made the payment and is ready. If she turns up on her own I’d be shocked. I am LIP but have a DAB, she asked me outright yesterday am I using a solicitor for the hearing and I said no! As I am not and am LIP, but she may be slightly surprised when I turn up with a DAB & say I lied to her but she asked me if I am using a solicitor and answer is no. Maybe she thinks I’m going in underprepared
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Yeah, expect some blow back on that one buddy......
 
Peanut 21 said:
Sounds like an act to me.
Don't fall for her Mrs nice guy act.
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Well it’s not going to change the hearing date and already prepared with dab, not sure why she’s gone and started this nice act, it actually makes me uncomfortable - genuinely prefer to just focus on the kids and keep chat only related to them. After months of repeatedly stating I’m an unfit parent and thinking two days a week is all I deserve with the kids - it’s hard to believe she’s nice now lol
 
So dab has advised we let her solicitor know he is representing me two days before the hearing - not sure as to the reasoning, but guess it avoids blowback at home later on. She did mention last night if I am ready with all my paperwork for court as she hasn't done hers yet and I have chased her solicitor a few times and I said yes I am. Weirdly continued her nice act all weekend, but haven't seen her transfer any funds yet so not sure how shes paid her solicitor :/
 
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