This might be a long one.
My ex partner and i have a 5 year old son together who is the sweetest, kindest person ive ever known. He never gets into trouble or anything with me.
I have moved in with my current partner of coming up to 3 years and we have had a baby together. She also has a 5 year old son but he is auic. He is high functioning so he can communicate fairly well.
My son comes to stay the weekend every weekend and also every wednesday evening so there is a lot of contact to which i have never missed a single day.
When my boy is over the boys play well together. My psrtners boy struggles with his strength and can sometimes be a little rough but my boy does not get badly hurt ever and we are constantly monitoring and managing their play. They are both always laughing snd hugging and we do not see any issues with their friendship. They seem to be best friends and both get excited to see each other. My son has not grown up with any other young siblings and i was naturally anxious about my psrtners boys autism; whether thry would get hurt etc. I told my son to tell me if gets hurt. Every time now he tells me. This is during the smallest of things though and multiple times a day. Things that would be considered normal play. A car bumped his foot, his finger hurt a little bit when my partners boy grabbed it etc. Things you would exprct from playing with everyone.
One evening there was an incident where my partners boys had had a bad day with his dad and his senses were all off so it was having a difficult time. The boys went upstairs and after about 2 minutes i heard screaming. My partners boy was trying to put my son in "jail" but was being too rough and hurting my boys hand. I quickly interveined. No one was injurred.
This sparked some issues with my ex. My boy has been telling his mum about every single time he has been hurt.
Another incident occured where i caught the boys with theor penises out. More concerning but by every person i have spoken to... absolutely normal curious behaviour between boys of that age. This was promptly stopped and parented.
This however reached his mum. His mum told me that my partners boy touched his penis and bum. I had spoken to thr boys individually and my boy told me multiple times that he wasnt touched. After more digging it was revealed that he did. Me and my partner have done more digging to find out where this behaviour came from and found that it had a name. "The rude game". We are confident that there have been no outside sinister influence as my partners boy said he just made it up. We have spoken to schools, friends and my partners boys dad. All of which have no concerns.
The other day i received a call from social services. My ex partner has called a health advisor following my boy telling her about the incident.
Despite SS being told by my ex that she has no concerns about me and that i am a great dad, the worker was not the nicest or easiest person to deal with. This was classed as sexual assault. The boys are no longer allowed to sleep in bunk beds and one of us has to be with them 24/7. As you can imagine this is almost impossible with a 5 month year old baby on top of keeping the house a safe/clean environment.
We bought a camera monitor for the boys room for when they are playing and one of s with cooking and the other with the baby etc
This was deemed good enough for social services.
Throughout the day when the boys were together i had reported ea h incident of when my boy said he was hurt through a co parenting app in case he told his mum and she worried.
He then told her about a moment where my partners boy brushed past him at the top of the stairs. He told his mum however that he pushed him and nearly fell down the stairs. Not the words he used with me. My partners boy wouldnt maliciously do that. Needless to day this was managed too.
However this to my ex was a scene of violence and lack of monitoring as i allowed it to happen and didnt report it to her.
MY ex and i have a very bad past with a very emotional abusive relationship where i almost ended my life when my boy was 1. Apparently though im the abuser. Our past doesnt matter but it provides evidence thst conclusions and judgments are jumped to whenever i am involved (she despises me). All of my friends and family think shes troubled.
As you can imagine things got out of hand.. apparently i was not following SS orders, my partners boy is dangerous and violent, i dont care about my boys happiness or well being and we are not doing enough.
My boy is the absolute light of my life and i literally dug myself out of a life of poverty and drugs when i found out i was going to be a dad!
I personally think that he is being quizzed/interrogated every time he goes home and is being asked very specific questions and hes giving answers that his mum wants.
He tells me he is happy snd enjoys being here and from what i see when the boys are playing together this is evident. He apparently says otherwise to his mum.
I am absolutely terrified of losing him and i am at a complete loss of what to do. Either my son is lying to me as not to upset me and he in fact is unhappy, he is giving his mum answers she wants (i.e youre not happy at daddys are you?) Or his mum is literally blowing everything massively out of proportion.
I suspect a mixture of the latter two.
SS are completely one sided. Thry cant assess a situation with one phone call. I am afrsid that nothing i have told them has been logged and nor has anything regarding my partners boy has been logged.
I Want someone to come and see for themselves how the boys are together to prove that we are good paents, my boy isnt getting hurt and that this is a safe place. Is this something i can request either from SS or any third party?
What can i do?
What are my rights? How do i get to the bottom of whether my boys is actually happy here or not?
It would absolutely end me if i lost him.
My ex partner and i have a 5 year old son together who is the sweetest, kindest person ive ever known. He never gets into trouble or anything with me.
I have moved in with my current partner of coming up to 3 years and we have had a baby together. She also has a 5 year old son but he is auic. He is high functioning so he can communicate fairly well.
My son comes to stay the weekend every weekend and also every wednesday evening so there is a lot of contact to which i have never missed a single day.
When my boy is over the boys play well together. My psrtners boy struggles with his strength and can sometimes be a little rough but my boy does not get badly hurt ever and we are constantly monitoring and managing their play. They are both always laughing snd hugging and we do not see any issues with their friendship. They seem to be best friends and both get excited to see each other. My son has not grown up with any other young siblings and i was naturally anxious about my psrtners boys autism; whether thry would get hurt etc. I told my son to tell me if gets hurt. Every time now he tells me. This is during the smallest of things though and multiple times a day. Things that would be considered normal play. A car bumped his foot, his finger hurt a little bit when my partners boy grabbed it etc. Things you would exprct from playing with everyone.
One evening there was an incident where my partners boys had had a bad day with his dad and his senses were all off so it was having a difficult time. The boys went upstairs and after about 2 minutes i heard screaming. My partners boy was trying to put my son in "jail" but was being too rough and hurting my boys hand. I quickly interveined. No one was injurred.
This sparked some issues with my ex. My boy has been telling his mum about every single time he has been hurt.
Another incident occured where i caught the boys with theor penises out. More concerning but by every person i have spoken to... absolutely normal curious behaviour between boys of that age. This was promptly stopped and parented.
This however reached his mum. His mum told me that my partners boy touched his penis and bum. I had spoken to thr boys individually and my boy told me multiple times that he wasnt touched. After more digging it was revealed that he did. Me and my partner have done more digging to find out where this behaviour came from and found that it had a name. "The rude game". We are confident that there have been no outside sinister influence as my partners boy said he just made it up. We have spoken to schools, friends and my partners boys dad. All of which have no concerns.
The other day i received a call from social services. My ex partner has called a health advisor following my boy telling her about the incident.
Despite SS being told by my ex that she has no concerns about me and that i am a great dad, the worker was not the nicest or easiest person to deal with. This was classed as sexual assault. The boys are no longer allowed to sleep in bunk beds and one of us has to be with them 24/7. As you can imagine this is almost impossible with a 5 month year old baby on top of keeping the house a safe/clean environment.
We bought a camera monitor for the boys room for when they are playing and one of s with cooking and the other with the baby etc
This was deemed good enough for social services.
Throughout the day when the boys were together i had reported ea h incident of when my boy said he was hurt through a co parenting app in case he told his mum and she worried.
He then told her about a moment where my partners boy brushed past him at the top of the stairs. He told his mum however that he pushed him and nearly fell down the stairs. Not the words he used with me. My partners boy wouldnt maliciously do that. Needless to day this was managed too.
However this to my ex was a scene of violence and lack of monitoring as i allowed it to happen and didnt report it to her.
MY ex and i have a very bad past with a very emotional abusive relationship where i almost ended my life when my boy was 1. Apparently though im the abuser. Our past doesnt matter but it provides evidence thst conclusions and judgments are jumped to whenever i am involved (she despises me). All of my friends and family think shes troubled.
As you can imagine things got out of hand.. apparently i was not following SS orders, my partners boy is dangerous and violent, i dont care about my boys happiness or well being and we are not doing enough.
My boy is the absolute light of my life and i literally dug myself out of a life of poverty and drugs when i found out i was going to be a dad!
I personally think that he is being quizzed/interrogated every time he goes home and is being asked very specific questions and hes giving answers that his mum wants.
He tells me he is happy snd enjoys being here and from what i see when the boys are playing together this is evident. He apparently says otherwise to his mum.
I am absolutely terrified of losing him and i am at a complete loss of what to do. Either my son is lying to me as not to upset me and he in fact is unhappy, he is giving his mum answers she wants (i.e youre not happy at daddys are you?) Or his mum is literally blowing everything massively out of proportion.
I suspect a mixture of the latter two.
SS are completely one sided. Thry cant assess a situation with one phone call. I am afrsid that nothing i have told them has been logged and nor has anything regarding my partners boy has been logged.
I Want someone to come and see for themselves how the boys are together to prove that we are good paents, my boy isnt getting hurt and that this is a safe place. Is this something i can request either from SS or any third party?
What can i do?
What are my rights? How do i get to the bottom of whether my boys is actually happy here or not?
It would absolutely end me if i lost him.
