Hi all, I’m sure this has been touched on elsewhere more than once (sadly) but I just wanted to ask the question in a manner that is specific to my predicament.
An interim CAO is in place that states that I have an overnight with our child every other Saturday (collection at 9am from her place, return at 5pm on Sunday). Plus a full day on alternate Sundays.
My child’s mother sent a text the night before I was due to collect our child (for his second overnight). The text demanded that I send detailed photos of my bed and bedroom, and my child’s bed and bedroom (including the location of the electric heater, safety rails on bed etc). The text said that if I didn’t send the photos then I wouldn’t be able to collect our child. The text alleged aggressive behaviour in front of our child at her doorstep last time (I replied that no such behaviour had occurred, that the conversation was carried out via her intercom, and that her recording intercom doorbell would back-up my position). I replied that I was not at home and was out-of-town, and that I was going direct to hers on the Saturday morning hence it would be impractical to drive back to my home to take photos. I replied that if she wasn’t going to have him ready for collection, to let me know in advance in order to save me a wasted 2.5 hr journey to her home.
I arrive at her doorstep on Saturday morning. She asks for photos. I reply that I have no photos. She refuses to come to the door. I send a message and email saying “it’s very disappointing, particularly as [child’s] gran and cousins drove a 4 hour journey to see him for his birthday that day. It’s not in his best interests. It’s also not fair to let me drive to your home for no reason.” She asks me to return home take photos and come back (2.5 hour round trip). She says that she told me that she wouldn’t open the door if I didn’t present photos (turns out she had sent me an iMessage in the middle of the night rather than a SMS, my phone can’t receive them. I actually asked a day earlier that she use a parenting app - as recommended by the court last year - instead of messages). I drive back home and take all the photos she needs and send them. But she then goes radio silence after I send them so basically I didn’t see him at all that day.
I had previously sent loads of photos of my room, his cot, his clothes, of bed guards that go on my bed, of him sleeping on the first night. This latest request was for additional photos. None of these photos were required by the court order obviously.
So my first question is what do I do? Tell my solicitor and then they send an email to her solicitor? This would cost me obvs but if it’s the correct procedure then I’ll do it. The court order also states that I must inform the court if the other party does not comply with any order or direction contained within it. Presumably the court has to be notified then? Is that all I do? Do I need to do the same thing again if she refuses to follow the order again?
Next question is how do I raise it in the forthcoming final hearing statement? (“Updating statement of no more than 5 pages”). I’ve received mixed advice. Depressingly I’ve actually been told by one source that this behaviour is an example of how we cannot co-parent and therefore it would actually work against me (and conversely would work in her favour). I’m seeking a lives with / lives with order (progressively increasing overnights culminating in a 50/50 arrangement). So I perhaps touch on it briefly, include the solicitor’s letter as an exhibit, but finish with “…however since then there have been no more incidents and Miss X has shown an encouraging willingness to co-parent”.
I’m actually really struggling to fit all my child’s mother’s antics into the updating statement. There’s a 5 page limit but most of that is my proposed schedule (it’s very detailed and gradually progressive and includes future school arrangements) plus the title page and signature page. If I don’t include a detailed account of this latest incident (inc. text messages as exhibits) then I’m certain my child’s mother will include it but spin it somehow into me being the bad guy.
That’s an incredibly long message and I apologise!
P.S. I’m aware that I have to basically put up with her unreasonable demands for the good of our child. I’m aware that I should be giving the court the impression that we, as co-parents, can really make shared care work (it’s hard to make this argument when she is so difficult though!)
An interim CAO is in place that states that I have an overnight with our child every other Saturday (collection at 9am from her place, return at 5pm on Sunday). Plus a full day on alternate Sundays.
My child’s mother sent a text the night before I was due to collect our child (for his second overnight). The text demanded that I send detailed photos of my bed and bedroom, and my child’s bed and bedroom (including the location of the electric heater, safety rails on bed etc). The text said that if I didn’t send the photos then I wouldn’t be able to collect our child. The text alleged aggressive behaviour in front of our child at her doorstep last time (I replied that no such behaviour had occurred, that the conversation was carried out via her intercom, and that her recording intercom doorbell would back-up my position). I replied that I was not at home and was out-of-town, and that I was going direct to hers on the Saturday morning hence it would be impractical to drive back to my home to take photos. I replied that if she wasn’t going to have him ready for collection, to let me know in advance in order to save me a wasted 2.5 hr journey to her home.
I arrive at her doorstep on Saturday morning. She asks for photos. I reply that I have no photos. She refuses to come to the door. I send a message and email saying “it’s very disappointing, particularly as [child’s] gran and cousins drove a 4 hour journey to see him for his birthday that day. It’s not in his best interests. It’s also not fair to let me drive to your home for no reason.” She asks me to return home take photos and come back (2.5 hour round trip). She says that she told me that she wouldn’t open the door if I didn’t present photos (turns out she had sent me an iMessage in the middle of the night rather than a SMS, my phone can’t receive them. I actually asked a day earlier that she use a parenting app - as recommended by the court last year - instead of messages). I drive back home and take all the photos she needs and send them. But she then goes radio silence after I send them so basically I didn’t see him at all that day.
I had previously sent loads of photos of my room, his cot, his clothes, of bed guards that go on my bed, of him sleeping on the first night. This latest request was for additional photos. None of these photos were required by the court order obviously.
So my first question is what do I do? Tell my solicitor and then they send an email to her solicitor? This would cost me obvs but if it’s the correct procedure then I’ll do it. The court order also states that I must inform the court if the other party does not comply with any order or direction contained within it. Presumably the court has to be notified then? Is that all I do? Do I need to do the same thing again if she refuses to follow the order again?
Next question is how do I raise it in the forthcoming final hearing statement? (“Updating statement of no more than 5 pages”). I’ve received mixed advice. Depressingly I’ve actually been told by one source that this behaviour is an example of how we cannot co-parent and therefore it would actually work against me (and conversely would work in her favour). I’m seeking a lives with / lives with order (progressively increasing overnights culminating in a 50/50 arrangement). So I perhaps touch on it briefly, include the solicitor’s letter as an exhibit, but finish with “…however since then there have been no more incidents and Miss X has shown an encouraging willingness to co-parent”.
I’m actually really struggling to fit all my child’s mother’s antics into the updating statement. There’s a 5 page limit but most of that is my proposed schedule (it’s very detailed and gradually progressive and includes future school arrangements) plus the title page and signature page. If I don’t include a detailed account of this latest incident (inc. text messages as exhibits) then I’m certain my child’s mother will include it but spin it somehow into me being the bad guy.
That’s an incredibly long message and I apologise!
P.S. I’m aware that I have to basically put up with her unreasonable demands for the good of our child. I’m aware that I should be giving the court the impression that we, as co-parents, can really make shared care work (it’s hard to make this argument when she is so difficult though!)
So she accepted the photos then! If she hasn't mentioned duvets then don't bring it up lol. And yes it's tempting to ask her to provide a list of her safety measures but yes it would be poking the bear (and also at the moment, you look like the patient good guy but you could be seen as provoking conflict if you did the same in return).
