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Wrongful retention international nightmare

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eggman

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Hi all,

This is my first post on the forum so please excuse me if I posted in the wrong place.

I'm currently going through an incredibly difficult situation.

My ex is a foreign national, we met in 2020 whilst I was working down south, we moved to my hometown in 2021 and in January of 2023 my son was born. We went to ex's home country on a holiday in summer 2023 and he was registered with dual nationality, but a UK resident.
After four years of an absolute rollercoaster of a relationship, leading up to another holiday in July of 2024, the silent treatment, devaluation and discard process started. She had already started to hint that she didn't want me to go on the holiday with her, and as it grew closer to the holiday she started to make actual threats that she would go and not return.
Following a big argument one evening I left the flat and stayed with parents, the next morning I went to see a family law solicitor to ask about my rights, I was encouraged to put a prohibited steps order in place or a limited steps order, but first of all a warning letter was sent out to the mother.
She didn't respond to the warning letter by the 9am next day deadline so I went to the flat to speak with her, she called the police and I was arrested for common assault regarding the dispute we had two days prior. It was NFAd. I have never been physically violent or threatening to her but I did lose my temper and shouted at her.
Anyway long story short I had put everything in place for her to go on the holiday providing she agreed to return on the date of the return tickets and was in the process of putting the limited steps order in place.
She contacted me saying she was scared to fly and insisted that I went with her. I was reluctant at first but in the end we went on the holiday, I was hoping to patch things up and try and be civil, it didn't work.
The limited steps order wasn't put into action in the end.
Silent treatment continued and I ended leaving a week early to come back home. I had to return to work the following week anyway, she had been asking to stay an extra week which I didn't agree with and kept saying she wanted space. It was a toxic environment and incredibly claustrophobic in the small family flat.
She now refuses to return to England. I have started the process with the Hague convention but it is taking ages. I recieved a statement from her end from a social worker visit where she claims to have been the victim of psychological abuse and that there is an imminent threat to the life and health of my son due to me being a drug addict and alcoholic.
I have used cannabis casually throughout most of my adult life but I am not a drug addict, I was drinking more than usual towards the end of our relationship but it was extremely difficult to be around her at home.
I have sent my statement back, admitted to having used cannabis casually but no other drugs and that I drink socially. I have denied psychologically abusing her and have gave a lot of information and specifics on the events leading up to the holiday.
I have done a hair strand test for peace of mind which came back negative as I have been abstaining since returning from the holiday. I currently drink two beers a week.
I am awaiting a court date in her country and am hoping they will say my son needs to be returned to the UK.
I haven't seen him for almost 3 months now, I video call him every day but she doesn't always answer and often argues with me on the phone especially when he starts to pay me attention. It's incredibly difficult and I miss him.
I had a lot of care over him in the UK as I work four on four off shifts. There have been no social services involvements, no police, other than the arrest mentioned above, no hospitalisations or signs of abuse or neglect.
I do have a few arrests on my criminal record but all were NFAd except for an 18 month driving ban from 8 years ago.
She is making a lot of baseless claims about me and my family who have been incredibly supportive to her.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice from you guys and support and somewhere to vent. I've spent hours reading posts on here and it has helped me a lot.

Thanks guys
 
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Hi. I'm really sorry to hear your situation. It's a bit late so I'll post more tomorrow.

She contacted me saying she was scared to fly and insisted that I went with her
Click to expand...

That was quite a trick she pulled. I think your solicitor made a mistake in sending her a letter first. Should have just put in for an urgent ex parte prohibited steps order without giving her warning. Sorry I know that doesn't help. And she might have gone anyway unless there was a stop put on her passport in time.

Are you getting any help with the situation re the Hague convention? She is bound to make allegations as an excuse, but I think the biggest argument in your favour is that she actually asked you to accompany her on a flight! So she can't have thought you were that dangerous.

What she's doing is causing as much delay as possible.

I'll check it out tomorrow but I think there's support for Dads in your situation. Are you allowed to go there and try and see your son?

Have you got a lawyer and court application in for the return?
 
Thanks for your reply!
Only help I'm getting is from my solicitors who have been extremely slow to respond and difficult to get in contact with at times, as well as very expensive.
I have an application in with the solicitors through the ICACU and the Hague convention to the central authority in her country. She had a visit from a social worker over there to check my son's wellbeing and she made a statement to them with her allegations. I have recently put in my response and am awaiting a court hearing over there.
I am hoping it will be relatively black and white as the allegations she made are broad and lack specifics, and like you say why would she ask me to fly with her if she believes me to be a threat to her and my sons life? I have a lot of evidence messages and video calls, which show her intentions and that my side of the story is consistent throughout. I also have video calls where she is clearly abusive and the aggressor of the dispute.
She is claiming she has witnesses over there that can confirm her allegations about me, which are not true as there was no abuse or anything that occurred and all the arguments we had happened behind closed doors.
 
eggman said:
Hi all,

This is my first post on the forum so please excuse me if I posted in the wrong place.

I'm currently going through an incredibly difficult situation.

My ex is a foreign national, we met in 2020 whilst I was working down south, we moved to my hometown in 2021 and in January of 2023 my son was born. We went to ex's home country on a holiday in summer 2023 and he was registered with dual nationality, but a UK resident.
After four years of an absolute rollercoaster of a relationship, leading up to another holiday in July of 2024, the silent treatment, devaluation and discard process started. She had already started to hint that she didn't want me to go on the holiday with her, and as it grew closer to the holiday she started to make actual threats that she would go and not return.
Following a big argument one evening I left the flat and stayed with parents, the next morning I went to see a family law solicitor to ask about my rights, I was encouraged to put a prohibited steps order in place or a limited steps order, but first of all a warning letter was sent out to the mother.
She didn't respond to the warning letter by the 9am next day deadline so I went to the flat to speak with her, she called the police and I was arrested for common assault regarding the dispute we had two days prior. It was NFAd. I have never been physically violent or threatening to her but I did lose my temper and shouted at her.
Anyway long story short I had put everything in place for her to go on the holiday providing she agreed to return on the date of the return tickets and was in the process of putting the limited steps order in place.
She contacted me saying she was scared to fly and insisted that I went with her. I was reluctant at first but in the end we went on the holiday, I was hoping to patch things up and try and be civil, it didn't work.
The limited steps order wasn't put into action in the end.
Silent treatment continued and I ended leaving a week early to come back home. I had to return to work the following week anyway, she had been asking to stay an extra week which I didn't agree with and kept saying she wanted space. It was a toxic environment and incredibly claustrophobic in the small family flat.
She now refuses to return to England. I have started the process with the Hague convention but it is taking ages. I recieved a statement from her end from a social worker visit where she claims to have been the victim of psychological abuse and that there is an imminent threat to the life and health of my son due to me being a drug addict and alcoholic.
I have used cannabis casually throughout most of my adult life but I am not a drug addict, I was drinking more than usual towards the end of our relationship but it was extremely difficult to be around her at home.
I have sent my statement back, admitted to having used cannabis casually but no other drugs and that I drink socially. I have denied psychologically abusing her and have gave a lot of information and specifics on the events leading up to the holiday.
I have done a hair strand test for peace of mind which came back negative as I have been abstaining since returning from the holiday. I currently drink two beers a week.
I am awaiting a court date in her country and am hoping they will say my son needs to be returned to the UK.
I haven't seen him for almost 3 months now, I video call him every day but she doesn't always answer and often argues with me on the phone especially when he starts to pay me attention. It's incredibly difficult and I miss him.
I had a lot of care over him in the UK as I work four on four off shifts. There have been no social services involvements, no police, other than the arrest mentioned above, no hospitalisations or signs of abuse or neglect.
I do have a few arrests on my criminal record but all were NFAd except for an 18 month driving ban from 8 years ago.
She is making a lot of baseless claims about me and my family who have been incredibly supportive to her.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice from you guys and support and somewhere to vent. I've spent hours reading posts on here and it has helped me a lot.

Thanks guys
Click to expand...
Hague proceedings generally don't consider background circumstances (i.e. allegations) in as close detail as family proceedings do in UK courts. It's generally a summary process, albeit - in most countries - carried out by relatively senior judges. The key test is the child's habitual residence. If that is the UK, and it probably is, then there isn't much the mother can do to convince the foreign court to keep the child there, even if there is a deemed risk because of her allegations.

Also Hague proceedings for return of a child to its habitual residence country have a six-week time limit.

HOWEVER (capitals for a reason), if/when the child is returned to the UK, those allegations will bite hard here, because it's likely the mother will repeat them here. So, like me, you may see yourself go through the Hague proceedings, and then see an entire new set of proceedings kick off with social services and the family court in England. So it's probably a good idea to slowly adjust your expectations in terms of timeframes.

I strongly suggest getting a solicitor in the foreign country for the Hague proceedings, and travelling there yourself until they conclude. Hague is fairly black and white, there's no fact finding, it's a summary question of "Where is this child's habitual residence?" If it's UK, the court must return the child to the UK. There are some exceptions but very few.
 
This whole experience is so exhausting, I'm pretty sure my ex has borderline personality disorder and NPD, I am receiving abusive messages now from her mother, she tells me I don't support my son yet every time I've offered her money she refuses it. She now refuses to let me call him every day, and now says only Monday Wednesday and Friday. She's enrolled him into a nursery without my consent.
 
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