What would you do?

[Pres]

Hi all I’ve posted once before but thought I’d start a new post as situation has changed.

My now ex partner made up some false allegations against me and managed to get a non mol too due to the nature of the accusations she’s making. It’s all complete BS and she’s done it because we were on bad terms, inevitably going to separate and during an argument I told her that I’ll take her to court for full custody.

At first she wouldn’t allow me to see my son at all, a social worker was involved who encouraged her to let me see him and so she agreed to 2 hours every fortnight. Obviously going from no contact at all to 2 hours fortnightly I was content with this at first.

Social worker is now no longer involved as does not see any issues with my sons welfare but 2 hours every fortnight is just not enough time and when I have asked for longer there’s always an excuse like ‘he has other commitments that day’

My only option for longer with him and potentially overnight/the whole weekend is to go to court but my fear here is that my ex will then stop all contact completely until the court has ordered it.

So my question is how long did proceedings take from you going to court to then have the arrangements finalised?
I know going to court in the long run will be worth it but right now the only thing keeping me going is that I do get to see him every 2 weeks.

 

[Roblox]

Hi

How old is your child? As that can have a bearing if really young.

It can be hard to say, when I started the process I was told anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. Do you have anything from the social worker confirming no safe guarding concerns.

I'm not sure how the courts are doing but I believe it's not good. If there's no issues then it could go through pretty quick buy at the same time your ex could cause a lot of grief along the way (as you already kjow).

 

[mva]

My case was about 18months. However at the first hearing you can ask for interim contact. Which would be a minimum 2hrs every fortnight. Unless massive safeguarding concerns should be granted. As she lets you see him for this amount anyway then wouldn’t look good if she suddenly refused. You can always ask for more interim contact anyway 5hrs a week etc

 

[Pres]

Hi

How old is your child? As that can have a bearing if really young.

It can be hard to say, when I started the process I was told anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. Do you have anything from the social worker confirming no safe guarding concerns.

I'm not sure how the courts are doing but I believe it's not good. If there's no issues then it could go through pretty quick buy at the same time your ex could cause a lot of grief along the way (as you already kjow).

Thanks for your response it is appreciated. Yes the social worker sent me a report to say there are no safeguarding issues and they are closing the file.
My son is 8 and before all of this we had the best relationship.

I think the issue with the court could be the fact that an ex parte non mol order was granted against me (no facts of findings and no admissions) but basically the court had no choice with what she was accusing me of to grant it. Until that’s finished then I can see that the court will take precaution.

 

[Pres]

My case was about 18months. However at the first hearing you can ask for interim contact. Which would be a minimum 2hrs every fortnight. Unless massive safeguarding concerns should be granted. As she lets you see him for this amount anyway then wouldn’t look good if she suddenly refused. You can always ask for more interim contact anyway 5hrs a week etc

Thank you for your reply it is appreciated. Asking for more interim contact might be the way to go if she continues to refuse it. From going to seeing him every day and being the parent who did 99% of the parenting to suddenly 2 hours every fortnight is really just not enough time. I can see when it’s time to go how distraught he is and it takes me a week to get over it.

 

[Nujra Rof]

My case was about 18months. However at the first hearing you can ask for interim contact. Which would be a minimum 2hrs every fortnight. Unless massive safeguarding concerns should be granted. As she lets you see him for this amount anyway then wouldn’t look good if she suddenly refused. You can always ask for more interim contact anyway 5hrs a week etc

18 months from application to get the child arrangement order in place??

I’m at the beginning so quite upsetting to hear really, I thought it usually gets sorted within a year, but average time was 9 months…guess I was wrong

 

[Nujra Rof]

Thank you for your reply it is appreciated. Asking for more interim contact might be the way to go if she continues to refuse it. From going to seeing him every day and being the parent who did 99% of the parenting to suddenly 2 hours every fortnight is really just not enough time. I can see when it’s time to go how distraught he is and it takes me a week to get over it.

Wow! I can’t even imagine that feeling when the time drops down, let alone to two weeks every fortnight. That’s insane and worst of all it just harms the child, who should be at the front & centre of this. I do a lot for my kids, wouldn’t say 99% but at least 75% (being conservative)…to be honest the bits she does I could do anyway but obviously any help welcome, but seriously not worth it with the negativity and toxicity she brings and yet she is the one who seems to have all the “power” and “control” in this process for just being a mother, like a father can’t be just as, or even more, important to a child/children’s lives.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

18 months from application to get the child arrangement order in place??

I’m at the beginning so quite upsetting to hear really, I thought it usually gets sorted within a year, but average time was 9 months…guess I was wrong

you can have interim arrangements in place whilst the court case proceeds, the court recognises that the children suffer without contact so they tend to put arrangements in place.

 

[Nujra Rof]

you can have interim arrangements in place whilst the court case proceeds, the court recognises that the children suffer without contact so they tend to put arrangements in place.

We are living in the same house whilst thing is going on, but if it took two years, even with an interim order…I’d not be able to finalise the finances (as that’s quite dependant on the child sharing arrangements), let alone the divorce. Even if I left home, I couldn’t really afford anything as I pay the mortgage and bills here so I’d be trapped here

 

[Nujra Rof]

She would love that as her life is paid for really and she’d just carry on as is… like queen of the house as I stay in the tiny spare room on a toddler bed I don’t fit on whilst she’s in the master bedroom on the double bed enjoying life…taking the kids to her bed when she wants, pays nothing here and knows she will have to actually take responsibility for the first time in her life and lifestyle will be a step back and a smaller house too…

 

[Yorkdad]

I put my c100 in mid July...no unsupervised contact until end Nov with intrim contact, with contested final hearing end of Feb. So, from witholding child in mid May to hopefully a CAO in place March 9-10 months and 12-15k !

 

[Nujra Rof]

£12-£15k!! Jeez! Mind you the barrister for the first hearing is £2.5k plus vat so yeah it gets more expensive each hearing so can imagine.

9-10 months to get to a final hearing where the judge makes the decision?

 

[Yorkdad]

£12-£15k!! Jeez! Mind you the barrister for the first hearing is £2.5k plus vat so yeah it gets more expensive each hearing so can imagine.

9-10 months to get to a final hearing where the judge makes the decision?

Yeh, it's wild. 3k barrister, 3k for the month of 1st hearing solicitor fees etc!!, 1300 in alcohol tests, 1k in supervised contact...not including the other months of solicitor fees!!

Final hearing hopefully finishes it, yes...all over nothing really.

Sickening what they do to child and dads.

 

[Nujra Rof]

Yeh, it's wild. 3k barrister, 3k for the month of 1st hearing solicitor fees etc!!, 1300 in alcohol tests, 1k in supervised contact...not including the other months of solicitor fees!!

Final hearing hopefully finishes it, yes...all over nothing really.

Sickening what they do to child and dads.

Mad! Did you go straight from first to final hearing?

 

[Yorkdad]

Mad! Did you go straight from first to final hearing?

There was a s7 report needed because of her guff which came back favorable...and no fact find thankfully which would have added further months. So, on reflection could have been 3 months shorter without s7...I'm counting down the days...it's been hellish.

 

[Resolute]

Hi all I’ve posted once before but thought I’d start a new post as situation has changed.

My now ex partner made up some false allegations against me and managed to get a non mol too due to the nature of the accusations she’s making. It’s all complete BS and she’s done it because we were on bad terms, inevitably going to separate and during an argument I told her that I’ll take her to court for full custody.

At first she wouldn’t allow me to see my son at all, a social worker was involved who encouraged her to let me see him and so she agreed to 2 hours every fortnight. Obviously going from no contact at all to 2 hours fortnightly I was content with this at first.

Social worker is now no longer involved as does not see any issues with my sons welfare but 2 hours every fortnight is just not enough time and when I have asked for longer there’s always an excuse like ‘he has other commitments that day’

My only option for longer with him and potentially overnight/the whole weekend is to go to court but my fear here is that my ex will then stop all contact completely until the court has ordered it.

So my question is how long did proceedings take from you going to court to then have the arrangements finalised?
I know going to court in the long run will be worth it but right now the only thing keeping me going is that I do get to see him every 2 weeks.

For me, as respondent, 10 months and 3 days from filing of application to final order. 3 hearings. This was accelerated by abridged notice application from ex.

I was lucky. Other members have gone in circles for years with adjournments all over the place.

It is a roll of the dice.

 

[Nujra Rof]

At least it’s almost over - time will fly by to March (feels like a prison stretch and you’ve done more time than you have left so almost there my friend). Feel for the rest of us who are at the beginning and when yours is over, we will be in the eye of the storm still…whole process, excuse my language, is a sh*t show!

Thankfully we have this resource of this forum to try and help each other, share our experiences and sometimes just rant

 

[Antelope]

8 hearings in. C100 was filed December 2024. Had three separate judges, hearings where judges didn't even turn up. Prior to that a Non Mol based on zero evidence and was advised to file the undertaking and not contest it by my solicitor at the time.

There appears to be a standard set of allegations that tick boxes to manipulate the system - coorceive control, financial, sexual etc then substance misuse etc. They don't need to prove any of it. My ex was quite happy to submit false police reports which the Judge decided was evidence me, despite never being arrested or spoken to by the police.

Ex carried on living in the family home all expenses paid prior to the financial settlement which saw my give up 100% of my equity stake in the home so she could remain in it - but I would rather this than have my name on the mortgage for the best part of 20 years till kids finish Uni.

She also had half my pension including what was built up prior to meeting her.

Demanded 70k in capitalsed spousal maintenance as that was the value of equity I had in a flat I purchased before ever meeting her! We settled on 10k

Still haven't had my tools returned!

Cost circa me £200k not including the initial legal fees for the financial settlement.

For the CAO I have been representing myself as I simply do not have the cash after being financially obliterated.

I have my 3rd interview with Cafcass this week, another dispute resolution hearing end February after s7report has been finalised (7 month waiting time just for that). And hopefully only another hearing after that.

Ex's multimillionaire father is bank rolling her fees and wouldn't bat an eyelid dropping £100k+ on fees so I feel this is going to go on and on and on.

I'm doing the next two hearings then I'm walking away as it's making me ill.

The fact finding was horrendous as the court were suposed to appoint a qualifed legal representative to do the cross examination on my ex, but they didn't turn up, so I had to ask all the questions on the cross examination via the judge - I have no legal training, then the judge has the cheek to say I didn't ask the right questions and didn't challenge her on certain areas.

I've come to learn that it is just a business for these people, the judges, barristers and solicitors who have no interest in a short case as they would prefer to lock in their income streams for as long as possible. It is very self serving, with zero scrutiny but it isn't going to change any time soon!

No phone calls or any contact over Christmas.

It is cross between a Circus and a Pantomime and in any other walk of life, the protagonists would not only be sacked but struck off!

 

[Antelope]

Current contact is 3 hours 6 times a year supervised. My worry is that this will be seen as the status quo.

 

[Peanut 21]

I've come to learn that it is just a business for these people, the judges, barristers and solicitors who have no interest in a short case as they would prefer to lock in their income streams for as long as possible. It is very self serving, with zero scrutiny but it isn't going to change any time soon!

"It's a big club and you ain't in it" - George Carlin.
It's one great big money making industry. If the cases got solved instantly there would be no court fees, parenting course fees, contact centre fees, drug/alcohol tests fees....etc.
It's inept by design.