What is the thing that annoys you most about your ex's attitude

[Ash]

I think for me its the total lack of moral fibre her and her entire family if I am honest.

There is that as well - some people are just xxxxholes!

 

[Ash]

I know I've gone off-piste here... ultimately what annoys me the most with my ex is the harm that she does to herself and thus the children. Every time she seeks conflict, is impaired by anger, lies, schemes, manipulate others against me all she is doing is self-degradation and harm to the most precious thing in her life, her own character and true self.

I think she is an intelligent and capable person, unfortunately she is crippled by mental health issues and bad parents.

Yes she makes me lose my personal balance from time-to-time, but I'm ever better to quickly regaining it and the more I do it, the more resilient I become. Her loss, my gain.

A few principles that help keep my mind sane:

• If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, "He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone".
• Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him
• The best revenge is not to be like your enemy
• Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?

Peace

Great advice. I don't let my ex get me angry any more - I know she would enjoy that and likes to try and engineer it. But what she does do to get to me - is stress my son out. Putting him in the middle and under pressure.

 

[blindex]

My big concern for the kids is how do you protect them from a narcissistic mother? On the surface she's this wonderful caring mother so SS and courts don't see a problem.

No one can tell a child "your mother has mental problems". They will have to learn themselves once they gain life experience. Makes me sad and I'm not saying dads should quit but what the hell can you do!?

I'm exactly on the same boat. The way I see it, the agents in the 'system' (AKA schools, social services, Cafcass) were all too keen to encourage the mother in her allegations of domestic abuse without ever challenging her (constructively of course) in her beliefs.
I was raised by a single mother and I'm all for women's rights and equality. My mom was a working professional who raised three children to be responsible competent adults.
What I observe in the system today, is a culture impregnated with the radical feminist agenda which in essence see and treat women as victims regardless because we live in a 'patriarchal society'. The implications of this ideology are huge. In essence, if you're a victim you cannot ever be responsible for whatever adversity (real or perceived) you have to face in your life. Nothing is ever your fault... Therefore, one is never taught to take responsibilities for their own actions, and to accept that good and bad things happen to good and bad people alike.
This is long and convoluted way to say that after a long and painful court battle in which the ex failed to prove her case, the 'system' continues to appease her in whatever way they can...

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm exactly on the same boat. The way I see it, the agents in the 'system' (AKA schools, social services, Cafcass) were all too keen to encourage the mother in her allegations of domestic abuse without ever challenging her (constructively of course) in her beliefs.
I was raised by a single mother and I'm all for women's rights and equality. My mom was a working professional who raised three children to be responsible competent adults.
What I observe in the system today, is a culture impregnated with the radical feminist agenda which in essence see and treat women as victims regardless because we live in a 'patriarchal society'. The implications of this ideology are huge. In essence, if you're a victim you cannot ever be responsible for whatever adversity (real or perceived) you have to face in your life. Nothing is ever your fault... Therefore, one is never taught to take responsibilities for their own actions, and to accept that good and bad things happen to good and bad people alike.
This is long and convoluted way to say that after a long and painful court battle in which the ex failed to prove her case, the 'system' continues to appease her in whatever way they can...

As a woman I've never felt a victim. I've never gone for the feminist bs because I just get on with my life. Having said that I've had a very stable 'normal' upbringing with 2 present parents. Both great male and female role models.

 

[blindex]

As a woman I've never felt a victim. I've never gone for the feminist bs because I just get on with my life. Having said that I've had a very stable 'normal' upbringing with 2 present parents. Both great male and female role models.

And there are many smart, brave and independent women out there speaking out for men that have been thrown under the family court bus. As a father of a little girl I wish nothing more in this world that she becomes a responsible and resilient adult no matter what life throws at her.

 

[Ash]

You're right that there's a culture out there - but even before these extreme feminist view - it was still an attitude of Mothers are superior and have all the power. That got changed by the Family Justice review and the Child Arrangements Programme (and automatic legal aid for Mothers got scrapped) and things improved a lot for Dads with more equality. I think this current wave is a backlash.

 

[proud_dad]

...how she is so driven by her hatred for me that she can't see that her destructive ways are hurting our children. That she's a narcissist with delusions of grandeur. That she's a hypocritical religious nut job. That she has uncontrollable rage. The list is endless really.

How the hell did I end up marrying such a basket case? You live and learn (never getting married again!!!!!!!!!).

 

[Ash]

I didn't get married Only knew her a few weeks and knew I didn't want to spend more time with her! She felt the same and dumped me. Should have used contraception (she told me she was infertile!). Although I feel guilty saying that as then my son wouldn't be here. But be careful who you have children with ...........

 

[Ash]

...how she is so driven by her hatred for me that she can't see that her destructive ways are hurting our children. That she's a narcissist with delusions of grandeur. That she's a hypocritical religious nut job. That she has uncontrollable rage. The list is endless really.

How the hell did I end up marrying such a basket case? You live and learn (never getting married again!!!!!!!!!).

That about sums it up. Some of these narcissist types pick on naive normal people deliberately.

 

[Scotay]

My ex used to be able to wind me right up and she knew it.
All the denials of contacts, false accusations, police sent to my address on a contact day, all these were designed to trigger me to react and unfortunately many times i did.
I ended up off work for 4-months due to stress and anxiety and I'm luck to work for a major company where somebody recognised what was happening to me and helped. A few months of counseling and being pointed in the direction to read books on how to deal with a narcasistic ex helped majorly.

As soon as i learned on how to deal with her and her actions and not to trigger the tables turned where she was the one who got wound up when she didn't get the reactions she planned.

 

[Ash]

Yes that is how they get to you to hurt you, if they're that way inclined. Anything my ex learned that I wanted - as part of mediation or the court process - she went out of her way to disrupt and prevent later - pure vindictiveness. And it was all big psychological messages. I also learned it was psychological warfare and learned not to let it get to me or react - by expecting it so it wasn't a shock. The worst thing though is when they try and use the child as a weapon. Some advice I was given - anyone who behaves like that cannot be happy with themselves or their life - so they are not really gaining anything by hurting you. But you need to protect yourself - and family court is our only route to do that. Any court order must be absolutely watertight.

 

[Scotay]

My ex used to be able to wind me right up and she knew it.
All the denials of contacts, false accusations, police sent to my address on a contact day, all these were designed to trigger me to react and unfortunately many times i did.
I ended up off work for 4-months due to stress and anxiety and I'm luck to work for a major company where somebody recognised what was happening to me and helped. A few months of counseling and being pointed in the direction to read books on how to deal with a narcasistic ex helped majorly.

As soon as i learned on how to deal with her and her actions and not to trigger the tables turned where she was the one who got wound up when she didnt get the reactions she planned.

 

[Ash]

Did you mean to post that twice Scotay?

 

[Scotay]

Did you mean to post that twice Scotay?

Dunno how i managed to do that?

 

[Ash]

It was good anyway as it reinforced it! Sometimes the message gets left in the unsent message box and then gets submitted twice - I get that when my internet has gone off temporarily!

 

[MagicJ]

I know I've gone off-piste here... ultimately what annoys me the most with my ex is the harm that she does to herself and thus the children. Every time she seeks conflict, is impaired by anger, lies, schemes, manipulate others against me all she is doing is self-degradation and harm to the most precious thing in her life, her own character and true self.

I think she is an intelligent and capable person, unfortunately she is crippled by mental health issues and bad parents.

Yes she makes me lose my personal balance from time-to-time, but I'm ever better to quickly regaining it and the more I do it, the more resilient I become. Her loss, my gain.

A few principles that help keep my mind sane:

• If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, "He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone".
• Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him
• The best revenge is not to be like your enemy
• Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?

Peace

This post speaks volumes, I can relate to everything that has been said.

I'd say the sheer stubbornness to accept the reality that two involved parents are better than one.

 

[BrainDad]

That what our child wants doesn't seem much of a concern for her. It doesn't really annoy me, it's just sad. I just don't get how someone can be that way, especially to their own child.

Nothing bothers me anymore about what she does, I'd have to care about what she does for something to bother me. I don't care about anything she does, my sole concern is the welfare of my child.

 

[Kyle]

It also really hits home just how antiquated Family Law is in this country when you're battling against a woman who will happily destroy her childs life just to satisy some warped sense of revenge against her childs father. And the Family Court doesn't have the gumption to recognise or deal with it.

The biggest failure of all is that there are no consequences for playing the antiquated and disfunctional family law system. This fuels our evil exe's behaviour and spiteful women up and down the country know that all they have to do is allege a welfare risk against the father to throw a childs relationship with him into chaos. A whole generation of kids are being let down. And they wonder why youth crime is on a rapid ascent and mental health is in rapid decline.

The situation is beyond terrible. In a country that prides itself at being at the forefront and cutting egde of everything, we are still in the Middle Ages when it comes to Family Law.

 

[winger]

This post speaks volumes, I can relate to everything that has been said.

I'd say the sheer stubbornness to accept the reality that two involved parents are better than one.

Absolutely this.
Also that they seem to burry their head in the sand, this was a constant thing for my ex and in her past, she's been taught to do it from her mum and dad, so nothing gets sorted. Furthermore this makes communication impossible, which is fundamental to a positive future for our daughter! But that's why court is involved she has to communicate and it has to be sorted, for our child.