What is the point of a C100 for the Non-Resident parent

[AmIAStepMumNow]

More of a debate question...

Interested to know - what is the point of applying for - or having a C100 which outlines the time a child is with the non resident parent or calls with the non resident parent or pick up times or travel arrangements... if the other parent is a Narcississt and just does what they want regardless..

It seems that the Mother can turn up late, not send child with clothing, book school clubs to coincide with parent video calls, and book holidays that impact Dads weekend time... without any repercussions...

So my question is - what is the point in going through the hoops of a C100 application when there is no or little penalty for misdemeanours or breaches for the mother?

Has anyone got any personal stories to share?

PS: we havent got our C100 as yet - but it is applied for... but wondering what is the point of the lawyers and barrister costs for the actual hearing if Mother just continues to do whatever she wants as is currently the case. Nothing will change. She isn't going to start to play by any rules other than her own.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

I think there should be financial penalties for resident parents who renege on agreements or don't comply with orders. The CMS is quick to punish NRPS, maybe it is time that balance was redressed.

They also need to get rid of the domestic abuse as a requirement for legal aid, and if one party qualifies for it, then they should both qualify for it, so that there is level playing field.

CAFCASS should be subject to audit and an ombudsman should have oversight of complaints and a mechanism for redress.

Time limits should be imposed to ensure timely justice and there should be far more use of zoom or teams for hearings where there is no cross examination of witnesses.


Thats my wish list.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

I think there should be financial penalties for resident parents who renege on agreements or don't comply with orders. The CMS is quick to punish NRPS, maybe it is time that balance was redressed.

 

[Ddavis]

I think there should be financial penalties for resident parents who renege on agreements or don't comply with orders. The CMS is quick to punish NRPS, maybe it is time that balance was redressed.

They also need to get rid of the domestic abuse as a requirement for legal aid, and if one party qualifies for it, then they should both qualify for it, so that there is level playing field.

CAFCASS should be subject to audit and an ombudsman should have oversight of complaints and a mechanism for redress.

Time limits should be imposed to ensure timely justice and there should be far more use of zoom or teams for hearings where there is no cross examination of witnesses.


Thats my wish list.

That is an amazing list and I agree with them all!
I also think once the DA allegations are proven to be false via a fact find or decided they are not relevant to the situation the legal aid if one party claims and the other doesn't shouldn't be stopped.

 

[Resolute]

She isn't going to start to play by any rules other than her own

This is the point, without the C100 application there are no rules other than "her own." A child arrangement order changes that immediately.

My ex flagrantly disregarded the interim orders. She has been more cautious since our final order. It has not 'fixed' her though. Nothing ever will in my mind. Every week that ends with the 'non-resident' still in the running is defeat for a malicious 'resident' parent.

This is not a sprint. It is more like a non-stop tug of war with concurrent side negotiations for team members. Or maybe, like somebody who has never ridden a horse before trying to break in a full grown wild horse.

Anybody who wants a quick and easy solution that will keep the other parent in check. Is probably not well advised to rely upon the family court. Unless the other parent is going to do something obvious and outrageously harmful to the kid(s). You need to be ready for the long haul.

I started this process when my kid was 4. It has been horrible. Now the child is 8, I am halfway to the point where my role as a father is not so heavily mediated by a person I consider to be very unwell - morally, emotionally, and developmentally. We are a third of the way to the point where that person loses any power to speak of.

My first four years have not been covered in glory, far from it. But, I have shown consistent and unerring, love, affection, concern, and responsiveness to our child. I have never tried to draw the child into our disputes. Every time I get an opportunity to share the world with my baby. I remind myself this is what I am fighting for, and recognise how great a blessing has been bestowed upon me.

Your question seems to ask how we can trust the ex. My answer is do not forget to trust the child. Everything that happens today will likely be forgotten by their young mind in a year or two. We do not know which memories will stick. My earliest memories are more about feelings than details. Ultimately, the child is the judge. Any victory secured by the ex is temporary. Parenthood is lifelong.

My ex is contradicted by my child's knowledge of me. I do not need to convince the ex to change. I need to be ready for when her power wanes.

P.s. in response to your p.s. I am yet to be convinced about spending money on solicitors. Great if you can afford it. But not essential to anything like the degree a barrister is.

 

[Resolute]

I think there should be financial penalties for resident parents who renege on agreements or don't comply with orders. The CMS is quick to punish NRPS, maybe it is time that balance was redressed.

They also need to get rid of the domestic abuse as a requirement for legal aid, and if one party qualifies for it, then they should both qualify for it, so that there is level playing field.

CAFCASS should be subject to audit and an ombudsman should have oversight of complaints and a mechanism for redress.

Time limits should be imposed to ensure timely justice and there should be far more use of zoom or teams for hearings where there is no cross examination of witnesses.


Thats my wish list.

Very well put.

I fear our kids will be full grown before any of your wishes are granted.

 

[Ash]

Resolute has put it very well. The point is - it legalises things. And ongoing it is almost a case of bluff and double bluff. Dare she breach it and will he go to court again and what might she lose if he did? Whereas Dad is thinking - I don't want to go to court again but mustn't let ex know that or she will play up.

It used to be said that once an order was in place, an ex settled down and accepted it and a lot of times that is the case. There may always be some disruptions and hassles, but you will have the confidence of knowing the order protects you.

If you have a particularly outrageous ex who ignores all court orders, then yes it may mean a return to court. But each time, that will be another black mark on her copy book and she risks losing more and more each time. So your leverage is - her fear of losing residency if she goes too far.

As for further allegations after an order is in place - this happens. In my case it did me a lot of favours in the end! As once social services said no welfare issues with Dad and had a low opinion of Mum's behaviour, that got me a shared care order. It was evidence.

After that my ex stuck to the order. Now she would easily go nuclear over things (as she still considered herself the only God-given parent who knew better than Judges). Phones or PE kit or whatever, but you just ride it out and try not to let it stress out the kids or have them feel in the middle.

She tried manipulating defined holiday dates instead of direct breaching, which led to a Judgement against her.

It is a bit like trying to keep a demon in box. Each time they find a crack or corner to try and squeeze out of, you stick a bit more tape on it.

You also have to become a bit of an expert in strategy and communication as that can really help keep control. I also don't think much of solicitors having wasted a lot of money on a couple of useless ones. The last one made loads of mistakes that cost me money as well, but did have some very helpful tips about communication, which I learned and was then able to use careful worded emails to keep her in the box.

Don't ever let rip - keep to BIFF messages (brief, informative, friendly, formal). Or ignore. ie just don't get into a fight, however much you feel like it - write it all down but don't send it. In this way she never knows she has got to you. They do kind of give up after a while if they don't get a reaction.

The other main reason - and this is the primary one - is to protect the kids. To keep them coming as much and as often as you can, particularly if you really do have a narcissistic ex as she could harm them both physically and emotionally if they were left with her. She may try that anyway but at least the time with you will be a safe haven.

 

[AmIAStepMumNow]

excellently written responses chaps... very eloquently put!
Out of curiosity and from your experiences personally and your advice to others
• is a lawyer essential for the court hearings after filing a C100 form
• is a barrister essential for the court hearings
• if you could only afford one - which would you choose
• what did you personally spend filing and then fighting breaches of your own C100's (no need to disclose if you prefer not to of course ;-)
• what sanctions were put in place and what penalties did your ex get for non compliance?


On a sep note: and for humour value...
My partner just exchanged voluntarily his Form E with his Ex's lawyers. We are Self Rep.
Her form arrived without her signature on the statement of truth page...
She has lied and not disclosed all her assets (not surprising!)
When we raised it with her lawyers that the statement of truth was not signed - he replied stating that 'because this is a voluntary exchange of Form E, typically a signature is not required on that page'


What utter BS ;-)

 

[Resolute]

1. No
2. Yes
3. Barrister
4. About £3500-£4000, child and financial, 6 hearings so far, one on the way - possibly, one application withdrawn through pre-hearing correspondence.
5. Technically, none. She does load my gun for me though.

 

[nothernsoul]

This is the point, without the C100 application there are no rules other than "her own." A child arrangement order changes that immediately.

My ex flagrantly disregarded the interim orders. She has been more cautious since our final order. It has not 'fixed' her though. Nothing ever will in my mind. Every week that ends with the 'non-resident' still in the running is defeat for a malicious 'resident' parent.

This is not a sprint. It is more like a non-stop tug of war with concurrent side negotiations for team members. Or maybe, like somebody who has never ridden a horse before trying to break in a full grown wild horse.

Anybody who wants a quick and easy solution that will keep the other parent in check. Is probably not well advised to rely upon the family court. Unless the other parent is going to do something obvious and outrageously harmful to the kid(s). You need to be ready for the long haul.

I started this process when my kid was 4. It has been horrible. Now the child is 8, I am halfway to the point where my role as a father is not so heavily mediated by a person I consider to be very unwell - morally, emotionally, and developmentally. We are a third of the way to the point where that person loses any power to speak of.

My first four years have not been covered in glory, far from it. But, I have shown consistent and unerring, love, affection, concern, and responsiveness to our child. I have never tried to draw the child into our disputes. Every time I get an opportunity to share the world with my baby. I remind myself this is what I am fighting for, and recognise how great a blessing has been bestowed upon me.

Your question seems to ask how we can trust the ex. My answer is do not forget to trust the child. Everything that happens today will likely be forgotten by their young mind in a year or two. We do not know which memories will stick. My earliest memories are more about feelings than details. Ultimately, the child is the judge. Any victory secured by the ex is temporary. Parenthood is lifelong.

My ex is contradicted by my child's knowledge of me. I do not need to convince the ex to change. I need to be ready for when her power wanes.

P.s. in response to your p.s. I am yet to be convinced about spending money on solicitors. Great if you can afford it. But not essential to anything like the degree a barrister is.

Absolutely spot on.

Beautifully put mate