Had three years of domestic abuse from ex starting punching me to the face after she started having problems with school with her aggressive behaviour , at the time lost my brother and dad to cancer ex would put me down to her mum and family over the phone , spoke to Police but did not press charges but under two lockdowns things got terrible with her home schooling , start hitting me to the face regular two or three time on the go even when I was working during lockdown and cooking and shopping trying to make it easy for her , today I’m living at my mum don’t see the kids and the house I own for thirty years won’t see again till I’m sixty , tried to be fair but all ex wants is the house and the kids , to be honest there no protection for men , spoke to the Police and Soical services and basically not interested as long as the kid are ok mum can do and say what they want!
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Welcome to hell
- Thread starter Uksubs
- Start date
Hi. You've had a horrific time. You don't have to accept all this and your kids have a right to see their Dad. Don't have time now but will post more later. I'll just say though, you could contact the Mankind Initiative. They can help you in various ways.
It is very difficult to prove anything to Police or social services if you have concerns about the kids welfare. Because yes there is this mindset that if they’re with their Mother they are ok. But if she was abusive with the kids as well or has been neglecting them in son way then yes you should report to social services. Sadly though they will often just phone the Mother, ask her some questions and close the case. They might go round and do a visit - not see anything untoward and close the case. Unless you know she is say alcoholic or a drug user. I think one thing to do is keep up contact with the school in writing and ask them to let you know if they have any concerns about the children.
While witnessing her abuse of you is harmful to the kids social services would just see that situation as resolved because you’re now separated. But Mankind can help you build evidence or a case in that respect.
Have you been through a divorce or applied for a CAO? And how long since you’ve seen the kids? If you leave it too long they might wonder why you left it so long to apply to court to get an order. Also how old are the kids?
As for the house and finances - if a divorce hasn’t gone through it’ll be sorted out as part of the financials of the divorce. It depends on circumstances as to whether the house could be sold and equity split, or her buy you out of your share- but yes sometimes an order is made that she keeps the house until the kids are 18 or something (so your equity is tied up).
I’m guessing, with you living with your parents, that this is quite recent. In which case apply for a CAO first then think about sorting divorce and finances. Your only legal obligation right now is to pay child support at the assessed rate. Although of the mortgage is in joint names then you are liable as well if she doesn’t pay it. But if you pay anything, make sure it is clearly marked with a reference on the standing order - what it’s for. Eg Child Maintenance. Because some Dads informally agree to pay the mortgage and x amount a month without having CM formally assessed - and the EC then turns round and claims you haven’t paid any child support (bevshse the money you’ve been paying isn’t marked as child support on the standing order).
So if you currently have an agreement that you’re paying bills and mortgage on the house. Change that. If you’re paying say £700 a month for everything, Set up two separate standing orders. One for your assessed abound of CM (say £200 a month as an example) with the reference “Child Maintenance” and a second one for £500 a month with the reference “mortgage and bills contribution”.
Then write to her and say that you will be paying the following amounts by standing order
£200 a month Child Maintenace
£500 a month towards bills and mortgage temporarily until the divorce is through.
What mankind could help with is - a letter - which may help you either a) get legal sid to apply to court due to the abuse and/or b) exempt you from mediation.
While witnessing her abuse of you is harmful to the kids social services would just see that situation as resolved because you’re now separated. But Mankind can help you build evidence or a case in that respect.
Have you been through a divorce or applied for a CAO? And how long since you’ve seen the kids? If you leave it too long they might wonder why you left it so long to apply to court to get an order. Also how old are the kids?
As for the house and finances - if a divorce hasn’t gone through it’ll be sorted out as part of the financials of the divorce. It depends on circumstances as to whether the house could be sold and equity split, or her buy you out of your share- but yes sometimes an order is made that she keeps the house until the kids are 18 or something (so your equity is tied up).
I’m guessing, with you living with your parents, that this is quite recent. In which case apply for a CAO first then think about sorting divorce and finances. Your only legal obligation right now is to pay child support at the assessed rate. Although of the mortgage is in joint names then you are liable as well if she doesn’t pay it. But if you pay anything, make sure it is clearly marked with a reference on the standing order - what it’s for. Eg Child Maintenance. Because some Dads informally agree to pay the mortgage and x amount a month without having CM formally assessed - and the EC then turns round and claims you haven’t paid any child support (bevshse the money you’ve been paying isn’t marked as child support on the standing order).
So if you currently have an agreement that you’re paying bills and mortgage on the house. Change that. If you’re paying say £700 a month for everything, Set up two separate standing orders. One for your assessed abound of CM (say £200 a month as an example) with the reference “Child Maintenance” and a second one for £500 a month with the reference “mortgage and bills contribution”.
Then write to her and say that you will be paying the following amounts by standing order
£200 a month Child Maintenace
£500 a month towards bills and mortgage temporarily until the divorce is through.
What mankind could help with is - a letter - which may help you either a) get legal sid to apply to court due to the abuse and/or b) exempt you from mediation.