Weight given to children's view

[Edwardthefirst]

Hi

My wife has done a great job of alienating me from my 13 year old son. We have always been close - closer than he was to my wife. But he now seemingly hates me - doesnt want to speak to me, let along see me. If this goes to court, am I screwed? I know that if I could just spend time with him it would be fine.

 

[Peanut 21]

Welcome @Edwardthefirst
Unfortunately as soon as kids reach 11/12 they listen to the childrens 'wishes and feelings'. This is something I strongly disagree with because it's quite often the wishes and feelings of the alienator and it puts the children under enormous pressure.

Do you have a court order?
Are you having any contact with your son?

I sympathise because my partner is alienated from his 2 children.

 

[Edwardthefirst]

Thanks for your reply

We are just separated, so no court order etc. Only contact is by message, but only on his terms and he is very belligerent towards me, says he doesn’t want to see me, etc. Which is why I am worried about what happens if I cant get him to a better place before the CAFCASS meetings.

Any advice appreciated!

 

[Peanut 21]

Have you applied to court then?

The concern with Cafcass speaking to teens is that they could say this is just your sons reaction to his parents separating.

What is his relationship like with other family members?

 

[Ash]

When you say just separated - how recently? I would try to build some bridges if you can. It sounds like your son has taken sides. Maybe your ex has been telling him bad stuff about you, or it might be more than that - he might be upset you're no longer around or feel abandoned.

What about your ex? Instead of texting your son you should really be making arrangements with the ex, even at this age (although she might just say ask him yourself). Have you tried a polite amicable message saying - can you arrange a meet up or afternoon out with your son?

But yes it does sound like she's alienating him over the divorce and financial situation. This is a difficult one as yes Cafcass are likely to go with your son's wishes.