Visitation rights for son in hospital

[Bigredmachine]

Hi all, I’ll try to summarise.

my 16 month old son is in hospital after having major surgery. Myself and his mum have split spending time with him, her more than him whilst he’s been in, I have a hotel here for the stay.

today she has said she feels she wants more time with him and said I should think about going home and just visit for an hour or 2 per day. Said that she wants to spend time with him and she has family visiting over the weekend.

Her mother is also with her and the pair of them are thick as thieves.



This evening she said she was having an early night and putting him down early and said I could go to hotel, this was ok, he was settled after a long day.

however I then bumped into her and her boyfriend in a takeaway, I asked who was with my son and she said her mother. The pair of them were red as bettroot.

I don’t know how to tackle this, I don’t want to cause aggro but I’m really angry about how she’s behaving, almost like what she wants is paramount and that I have no feelings for our son.

coparenting has actually been ok with her up to now, no massive drama but I’m so cross she’s dictating when I can see my boy in hospital and by looks of it letting her boyfriend come and see him.

 

[Resolute]

Sorry to hear your child has had major surgery, this must be extremely stressful and upsetting.

Are arrangements between you informal?

If they are, can't you go to the hospital whenever you please?

2 hours a day is not good enough. If you agree to that, it could easily be warped into the new arrangement after her family go.

I suggest you tell her that you respect she may want time with family and the child independent of you. In recognition of this you are willing to agree six hours on Saturday and on Sunday when you will not be at the hospital. E.g you clear out from 12:00-18:00. This would mean she is booking time for her family rather than you booking time you can be there.

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Hi all, I’ll try to summarise.

my 16 month old son is in hospital after having major surgery. Myself and his mum have split spending time with him, her more than him whilst he’s been in, I have a hotel here for the stay.

today she has said she feels she wants more time with him and said I should think about going home and just visit for an hour or 2 per day. Said that she wants to spend time with him and she has family visiting over the weekend.

Her mother is also with her and the pair of them are thick as thieves.



This evening she said she was having an early night and putting him down early and said I could go to hotel, this was ok, he was settled after a long day.

however I then bumped into her and her boyfriend in a takeaway, I asked who was with my son and she said her mother. The pair of them were red as bettroot.

I don’t know how to tackle this, I don’t want to cause aggro but I’m really angry about how she’s behaving, almost like what she wants is paramount and that I have no feelings for our son.

coparenting has actually been ok with her up to now, no massive drama but I’m so cross she’s dictating when I can see my boy in hospital and by looks of it letting her boyfriend come and see him.

I'm really sorry to hear about your son, you must be really distressed by this. - do you have parental responsibility for your son ? This is a key question.

 

[Bigredmachine]

Sorry to hear your child has had major surgery, this must be extremely stressful and upsetting.

Are arrangements between you informal?

If they are, can't you go to the hospital whenever you please?

2 hours a day is not good enough. If you agree to that, it could easily be warped into the new arrangement after her family go.

I suggest you tell her that you respect she may want time with family and the child independent of you. In recognition of this you are willing to agree six hours on Saturday and on Sunday when you will not be at the hospital. E.g you clear out from 12:00-18:00. This would mean she is booking time for her family rather than you booking time you can be there.

Well thankfully it seems like he can go home this weekend now, but point still stands in that she’s been pretty poor during this time and almost feel like I’m a childminder being told when to go so she can go for dinner/tea.

Informal arrangement, 2 days a week and overnight, been like this since he was couple months old, I do want to see him more and now he’s had his surgery we have been waiting for I hope I have greater leverage

 

[Bigredmachine]

I'm really sorry to hear about your son, you must be really distressed by this. - do you have parental responsibility for your son ? This is a key question.

Thank you, it was planned surgery and he’s recovered well and can possibly go home, see above comment.

But yes, parental responsibility, access to son and informal arrangements about access and monthly payments.

 

[Ash]

Sorry she has been awkward about it. Normally this is something to agree between parents. When my son was in hospital as a baby, ex and I were both there. If one went home - the other stayed. She was single at the time which maybe made it easier. Later it was much less amicable!

She can't really stop you being there if you're a parent with PR. It goes outside of normal child arrangements when it's a medical issue. Glad he's going home this week-end. In future (hoping that isn't necessary though!) I would message her at the time and say as both parents with PR and it's your son's health and a medical issue - you will be there and happy to arrange shifts with her if one or other of you needs to go home to rest.