Hey Dads,
I have court ordered video calls with my 5yr old every Sunday (when she's not in my care).
The calls used to take place at 6/630pm, when my daughter would be cosy, in her pyjamas at home with few distractions and recipient to a bedtime story..
But Ex wanted the calls to start taking place at 530pm, saying a 630pm video call is "too disruptive" to our daughter's bedtime routine, and at an earlier time of 530pm daughter would still be at home relaxing before bedtime.
And unfortunately during recent court proceedings, magistrates ruled (the only thing that went in Ex's favour) that video calls should be at 530pm - so basically Ex got her way.
But surprise, surprise.. now when I call them - my daughter is ALWAYS still out and about at 530pm, at Ex's friends and families houses (which obviously makes things very awkward for me and my daughter as there have been a number of the usual false allegations or domestic / child abuse that these other parents are acutely aware of).
So since the calls were stipulated at 530pm, this is the sort of thing that goes on;
- Despite the fact that daughter is always very loving to me and rushes into my arms at school pick up - on the video calls she is extremely reticent to talk to me, even crying and rejecting me, as Ex's idiotic cabal of friends / family have bought all this abuse nonsense (despite no evidence and court deciding otherwise), and daughter probably feels she needs to reject me accordingly.
- My Ex "clicks on" to the call and often usually shoots me a snarling look of pure contempt before thrusting the phone into my daughter's hand. Ex will NEVER acknowledge me and say hello or goodbye, even when I say hello to Ex myself.
- If Ex refers to me at all in daughter's presence it is as "him" (ie. "I know you don't want to but you need to talk to him"), NEVER as Daddy.
- Ex will ALWAYS make sure that the call is commenced in front of other parents so they can see may daughter reject me ("look, she doesn't even want to talk to him on a video call"), but once this seed has been planted, Ex will usher daughter into a separate play-room (all the time I am waiting quietly, politely and patiently during this chaos) where there is another child of same age and (which strikes me as odd when claims of child abuse have been made and shared with that child's parents) and then the children are left alone with me on the phone, so that daughter is obviously completely distracted and doesn't want to talk to me as (of course) she wants to play instead.
- Often, the other child (who has obviously been exposed to this toxic telephone behaviour from Ex and thinks it's acceptable behaviour) will intervene in, and even end the call prematurely - sometimes (on the rare occasion I'm not rejected by my own daughter) against my daughter's wishes, even saying "we don't want to talk to you anymore".
I would just like to repeat; my daughter is always very loving and happy in my company and always super happy to be picked up for weekends and overnights from school - but since the Final Hearing in November (which was landslide in my favour; 40/60, shared lives with) any time my Ex is present, my daughter will reject me and even say "I don't like him", even in front of me, as she knows this is exactly what Ex wants to hear.
Up until about 6 months ago, the video calls (because they were at 630pm when daughter was not still out) were amazing - I could easily keep her engaged for up to 45mins, being silly with homemade puppet shows, drawing, stories, etc..
But now they're a car-crash and - and only being weaponised to serve Ex's agenda and her assertions that "see? she doesn't like him" in front of other parents.
Does anyone have experience of this sort of thing?
How do they deal with it?
Do I need to write Ex a message on parenting app to say that it's not OK for her to do this?
Does anyone know how to record these video calls on an iPhone? I can screen-record them, but iPhone won't record audio simultaneously..
I have a feeling I'm going to need this as evidence of parental alienation when this (inevitably ) goes back to court..
Any help / advice would be most appreciated!
I have court ordered video calls with my 5yr old every Sunday (when she's not in my care).
The calls used to take place at 6/630pm, when my daughter would be cosy, in her pyjamas at home with few distractions and recipient to a bedtime story..
But Ex wanted the calls to start taking place at 530pm, saying a 630pm video call is "too disruptive" to our daughter's bedtime routine, and at an earlier time of 530pm daughter would still be at home relaxing before bedtime.
And unfortunately during recent court proceedings, magistrates ruled (the only thing that went in Ex's favour) that video calls should be at 530pm - so basically Ex got her way.
But surprise, surprise.. now when I call them - my daughter is ALWAYS still out and about at 530pm, at Ex's friends and families houses (which obviously makes things very awkward for me and my daughter as there have been a number of the usual false allegations or domestic / child abuse that these other parents are acutely aware of).
So since the calls were stipulated at 530pm, this is the sort of thing that goes on;
- Despite the fact that daughter is always very loving to me and rushes into my arms at school pick up - on the video calls she is extremely reticent to talk to me, even crying and rejecting me, as Ex's idiotic cabal of friends / family have bought all this abuse nonsense (despite no evidence and court deciding otherwise), and daughter probably feels she needs to reject me accordingly.
- My Ex "clicks on" to the call and often usually shoots me a snarling look of pure contempt before thrusting the phone into my daughter's hand. Ex will NEVER acknowledge me and say hello or goodbye, even when I say hello to Ex myself.
- If Ex refers to me at all in daughter's presence it is as "him" (ie. "I know you don't want to but you need to talk to him"), NEVER as Daddy.
- Ex will ALWAYS make sure that the call is commenced in front of other parents so they can see may daughter reject me ("look, she doesn't even want to talk to him on a video call"), but once this seed has been planted, Ex will usher daughter into a separate play-room (all the time I am waiting quietly, politely and patiently during this chaos) where there is another child of same age and (which strikes me as odd when claims of child abuse have been made and shared with that child's parents) and then the children are left alone with me on the phone, so that daughter is obviously completely distracted and doesn't want to talk to me as (of course) she wants to play instead.
- Often, the other child (who has obviously been exposed to this toxic telephone behaviour from Ex and thinks it's acceptable behaviour) will intervene in, and even end the call prematurely - sometimes (on the rare occasion I'm not rejected by my own daughter) against my daughter's wishes, even saying "we don't want to talk to you anymore".
I would just like to repeat; my daughter is always very loving and happy in my company and always super happy to be picked up for weekends and overnights from school - but since the Final Hearing in November (which was landslide in my favour; 40/60, shared lives with) any time my Ex is present, my daughter will reject me and even say "I don't like him", even in front of me, as she knows this is exactly what Ex wants to hear.
Up until about 6 months ago, the video calls (because they were at 630pm when daughter was not still out) were amazing - I could easily keep her engaged for up to 45mins, being silly with homemade puppet shows, drawing, stories, etc..
But now they're a car-crash and - and only being weaponised to serve Ex's agenda and her assertions that "see? she doesn't like him" in front of other parents.
Does anyone have experience of this sort of thing?
How do they deal with it?
Do I need to write Ex a message on parenting app to say that it's not OK for her to do this?
Does anyone know how to record these video calls on an iPhone? I can screen-record them, but iPhone won't record audio simultaneously..
I have a feeling I'm going to need this as evidence of parental alienation when this (inevitably ) goes back to court..
Any help / advice would be most appreciated!
