Vary order

[mva]

I want to vary my rubbish CAO ( currently supported contact by parents every other Sunday 8hrs)

I want to be able to drive kids
Have unsupported
Increase contact ( dependant on child’s wishes)

Is the process
Ask ex via email
Then mediation
Then CAO application

I worried about asking ex as she will just be prepared for court ahead. Mediation she will refuse.

But if I just go straight for mediation sign off and then CAO will it look like I’ve not tried to negotiate with her ?

Thanks for advice

 

[KF31]

I would just be careful of asking for increased time “depending on child’s wishes”. This leaves it open for your ex to claim it’s something your child doesn’t want whether they do or not. Or the court could actually put it in the CAO that your child gets extra time with you as and when they wish and then your ex just has to say to you that your child doesn’t want to see you for extra time. If you want an increase of time I’d just ask for that rather than saying dependent on child’s wishes.

 

[mva]

Thanks for response I totally understand that point. The reality is the boys have got used to the 8hrs alternate Sundays. They are 11&12 and love being at their mums. My eldest has occasionally asks for extra time , but he’s a people pleaser and Just wants everyone happy. The last thing I want after all the drama of the last few years is to get them to do something they don’t want.

The other issue is it’s hard graft being supported by my elderly parents and totally unnatural. Anything activity has to involve them and it’s getting increasingly hard on my parents time/ energy. Tbh I wouldn’t want more time if it continues to be supported.

I need my independence back to be a dad and be able to take them out on my own. The longer it’s supported the more difficult it is to give my sons a good time. Catch 22

 

[Peanut 21]

Sorry mva, you've posted before but I can't remember when your next hearing is?

 

[mva]

No hearing. Final order in place I would have to vary

 

[Peanut 21]

Yeah that's just mad having supported by your aging parents presumably for the next 4 years. Even then it doesn't sound like your ex will ease off even when the boys are young men.
The courts won't be bothered about your parents welfare but as you say it's becoming unnatural as most people don't always hang around with their parents/grandparents.

I guess the route is to email the ex with your suggestion of moving from supported to just you spending time with the boys. Realistically this will be denied.
I believe, but don't quote me on this, you could avoid mediation as you could attach the exs response to your application to vary and state that the respondent doesn't agree so mediation most likely will not work.