Urgent please help.

[jtcm0]

Hello, Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all.

I've been to court twice and have a child arrangements order to see my daughter. It very slowly got to overnights every other weekend and every other Friday for a few hours during the day. The second time it went to court back in November this year the court ordered us to go to back to mediation and I've started that process. Now my daughter is starting nursery in Jan next year and I had agreed to pay half the holding fee (£12.5) for that however due to low income (Universal credit due to ill health currently) and some extra stuff coming out this month I informed my ex that I would be unable to do the holding fee and that she'd have to take it out of the CSA money I send monthly that the csa have said I'm to pay. She didn't like this and said that I'm not going to see my daughter again and she also said "take me to court" What are my next steps?? Should I turn up at her house at the usual agreed upon time that i collect my daughter with court order in hand in case she calls the police? Or do I phone mediation when they are open again in the new year and get them to sign the paper work and allow me to go back to court? I'm really struggling on what to do?

I really hope someone can help with this
Thanks in advance

 

[Dirge]

"She didn't like this and said that I'm not going to see my daughter again and she also said "take me to court"" Was this verbal or in writing? If you have specific court ordered time, then you need to make yourself available to collect her. If you don't, she could argue that you simply didn't show up. I would go collect her at the appointed time, preferably with a witness and record the pick up. Be polite, do not shout or argue if she refuses to let you have your daughter, but inform her she is in breach of the order, and follow this up in writing to her. She may claim daughter is unwell/tired etc. Walk away. This will be ammunition for you, especially if she repeats with holding your daughter, in the future and can be raised at mediation/next court hearing.

 

[lunico93x]

Hello, Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all.

I've been to court twice and have a child arrangements order to see my daughter. It very slowly got to overnights every other weekend and every other Friday for a few hours during the day. The second time it went to court back in November this year the court ordered us to go to back to mediation and I've started that process. Now my daughter is starting nursery in Jan next year and I had agreed to pay half the holding fee (£12.5) for that however due to low income (Universal credit due to ill health currently) and some extra stuff coming out this month I informed my ex that I would be unable to do the holding fee and that she'd have to take it out of the CSA money I send monthly that the csa have said I'm to pay. She didn't like this and said that I'm not going to see my daughter again and she also said "take me to court" What are my next steps?? Should I turn up at her house at the usual agreed upon time that i collect my daughter with court order in hand in case she calls the police? Or do I phone mediation when they are open again in the new year and get them to sign the paper work and allow me to go back to court? I'm really struggling on what to do?

I really hope someone can help with this
Thanks in advance

This is also coercion and likely harassment.

 

[jtcm0]

"She didn't like this and said that I'm not going to see my daughter again and she also said "take me to court"" Was this verbal or in writing? If you have specific court ordered time, then you need to make yourself available to collect her. If you don't, she could argue that you simply didn't show up. I would go collect her at the appointed time, preferably with a witness and record the pick up. Be polite, do not shout or argue if she refuses to let you have your daughter, but inform her she is in breach of the order, and follow this up in writing to her. She may claim daughter is unwell/tired etc. Walk away. This will be ammunition for you, especially if she repeats with holding your daughter, in the future and can be raised at mediation/next court hearing.

Thanks for the reply

her saying that I'm not having my daughter was in writing on Facebook messenger (its now backed up and stored so cant be deleted)
I have been thinking of exactly what you've said but I wasn't sure. The other issue is there could be 2 places pick up could be so i wouldnt know where to go.

 

[jtcm0]

This is also coercion and likely harassment.

So where do i go? its a tough issue

 

[lunico93x]

So where do i go? its a tough issue

Report it to the police, start making a record of her harassment and coercion. Use your local force's website's online reporting tool. Probably nothing will come of it this time but a record gets built. Report it every time she tries to blackmail you, causes you harassment, or tries to coercively control you. Turn the tables.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

If your income has changed and your now on low income contact CMS and they will reduce your payments that you have to make to her.

How old is your daughter? Is she not eligible for free nursery hours?

Message her and say you will be coming to collect your daughter at the agreed place and time. If she says she’s not making her available still turn up at the agreed place and time. Contact the mediators as soon as you can and get signed off so you can go back to court.

 

[jtcm0]

Report it to the police, start making a record of her harassment and coercion. Use your local force's website's online reporting tool. Probably nothing will come of it this time but a record gets built. Report it every time she tries to blackmail you, causes you harassment, or tries to coercively control you. Turn the tables.

Thanks for the reply. I have reported to the police and because she swore at me in writing during all this they are counting it as a domestic incident

 

[jtcm0]

If your income has changed and your now on low income contact CMS and they will reduce your payments that you have to make to her.

How old is your daughter? Is she not eligible for free nursery hours?

Message her and say you will be coming to collect your daughter at the agreed place and time. If she says she’s not making her available still turn up at the agreed place and time. Contact the mediators as soon as you can and get signed off so you can go back to court.

Hi, thanks for the reply

Ever since she went to csa I've been on the lowest amount as I'd been off work for a while before she went to csa. My daughter is 2 and yeah she is getting 15 hours free. What she wanted me to pay was the holding fee to secure my daughters place at the nursery. I had agreed to pay half but due to unforseen bills this month I can no longer pay half the fee but can only do the usual csa money. Unfortunately she has blocked me on all methods so Facebook and phone call I have no way to contact her. Also her family and partner have also blocked me so I can't try to communicate with them to arrange contact.
I phoned the police non emergency number last night and because she swore at me during telling me that I'm not going to see my daughter they are counting it as a domestic incident and I've a zoom call with police officers later today to speak more about it.

 

[Nanaforsonsjustice]

That’s good that the cms calculations are correct for you.

Does she have a solicitor?

 

[Dirge]

Keep a record/evidence of every "block" ex and partner/family have put on you communicating with them. You don't want to fall into the trap of going round to speak to her in person if that's the only way you can speak with her - she could then turn the tables and accuse you of harrassment/stalking/DV.
Build up a record of every time your daughter has been withheld, but back this up in writing to her stating something along the lines of "xxxxxxxx was withheld from me on xxxxxxxxx contrary to our child arrangements order. You have also blocked all communication from me and apart from anything else this is a child safeguarding issue, as in the event of an emergency I won't be able to communicate." You need to think of the long game - increasing court ordered time with your child. Get to court asap. the police reports etc. will count against your ex in court, but don't expect much else from the police.

 

[jtcm0]

That’s good that the cms calculations are correct for you.

Does she have a solicitor?

I don't believe so and neither of us can afford one. My family recommend going to a solicitor and getting a letter sent by them to my ex, probably at a cost of around £100 for the letter its self and another £40 to get one back if my ex responds and another £30 to be onboarded as a client for the solicitor. My family recommend this as they believe that a letter to my ex from a solicitor would make her think twice about stopping contact if she thinks I've a solicitor. I believe that a couple members of my family would pay for this as well as they are just as fed up as I am with everything but I don't really want to accept it as id feel guilty about it despite it being a very important issue

 

[jtcm0]

Keep a record/evidence of every "block" ex and partner/family have put on you communicating with them. You don't want to fall into the trap of going round to speak to her in person if that's the only way you can speak with her - she could then turn the tables and accuse you of harrassment/stalking/DV.
Build up a record of every time your daughter has been withheld, but back this up in writing to her stating something along the lines of "xxxxxxxx was withheld from me on xxxxxxxxx contrary to our child arrangements order. You have also blocked all communication from me and apart from anything else this is a child safeguarding issue, as in the event of an emergency I won't be able to communicate." You need to think of the long game - increasing court ordered time with your child. Get to court asap. the police reports etc. will count against your ex in court, but don't expect much else from the police.

So I've phoned social services just to see what they could do and its not at a level where they can get involved yet. I kind of knew they wouldn't but I have to exhaust every possible organisation that could possible help. I'm just waiting on a call with the police at 4pm today to see what they will do

 

[mva]

Was that a final court order that gave you time and ordered mediation?

If not then surely if she doesn’t let you see your kid then it’s simply a breach which you can back up with evidence.

I def would take a court order and witness and secret record the attempt to pick up daughter. Wouldn’t get into a protracted argument with ex simply walk away if she refuses.

I’d then book a mediation and have the court paperwork ready to go as soon as you get sign off.

I wouldn’t overdo contact with SS or the police as very easy for tables to be turned. It’s a family court matter and no safeguarding issues have been raised?

Has she put anything negative about you or the court case on social media?

Obviously the fact you can’t currently afford nursery is nothing to do with CAO.

 

[jtcm0]

Was that a final court order that gave you time and ordered mediation?

If not then surely if she doesn’t let you see your kid then it’s simply a breach which you can back up with evidence.

I def would take a court order and witness and secret record the attempt to pick up daughter. Wouldn’t get into a protracted argument with ex simply walk away if she refuses.

I’d then book a mediation and have the court paperwork ready to go as soon as you get sign off.

I wouldn’t overdo contact with SS or the police as very easy for tables to be turned. It’s a family court matter and no safeguarding issues have been raised?

Has she put anything negative about you or the court case on social media?

Obviously the fact you can’t currently afford nursery is nothing to do with CAO.

So been to court twice the first one gave me time and it was to increase in line with my daughters pace and development. Over a year and a half later it finally went to overnights every other weekend and every other Friday daytime for 6 hours. The second time it went to court it was to try and sort Christmas and new years and holidays out. Because id conceded on most things to not ruin Christmas for anyone the court dismissed the case and ordered us to go back to mediation to sort out the rest. I've started that process. Now because I have told my ex to pay the nursery fee out of the csa money she has refused all forms of contact with myself and my daughter and has blocked me on everything and so has her family. Yeah the nursery fee and CAO are two different things but she has still blocked me and said "don't bother having (daughters name) anymore take me to court"

 

[mva]

Well she’s shot her self in the foot and evidenced it. Just need to stay whiter than whiter and reapply to court.

So frustrating for you and your daughter. Silly women.

 

[jtcm0]

Well she’s shot her self in the foot and evidenced it. Just need to stay whiter than whiter and reapply to court.

So frustrating for you and your daughter. Silly women.

Yeah its just tough as we all know on here a court process can take min 6 months to sort. I'm not sure if I should try an enforcement order as from what I can see that wouldn't need mediation first