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Hello all,

usually i meed my kids everyday without overnight stays, my ex wife told one of my elder kid that she is planning to stop the contact for no apparent reason, maybe becasue she wants to show that she is the boss and she contros everything. long story short i have my younger kid age 7 with me, and now i am worried if i let my kid go back my ex wife will not allow me to see the kids anymore, elder kids are back to her anyway. nmo is in place and but no cao, and she wont agree to anything, what are my options now, . what are her options, monday is also school day. if i let the kid go to school , she can pick my kid from school and stop contact, please reply.

fyi i got PR and very active in my kids life on daily basis.

thanks
 
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So your wife has a NMO but there is no court order?

Do you have an inter arrangement for contact times?

Where are you in the process?

Wherever you are in the process, not giving the kids back or withholding them is unlikely to end well for you.
 
bujanin said:
So your wife has a NMO but there is no court order?

Do you have an inter arrangement for contact times?

Where are you in the process?

Wherever you are in the process, not giving the kids back or withholding them is unlikely to end well for you.
Click to expand...

nmo only prohibits me to contact my ex wife except for child arrangements.
yes no court order for child arrangements
there is no inter arrangement for contact times
there is no process

why should i return the kids if she intends to hold back kids and stop contact, she made it very clear and i got evidence for that.
 
Because you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot over the long term that’s why.

You have two realistic options.
Get a C100 application in as soon as possible and start to formalise arrangements.

Wait for her to stop contact then put the application in.

Personally I’d wait, your son might be wrong, she may have just been bluffing.

Don’t rock the boat till you have too.
 
so what i am understanding is that she can stop the contact but i cant? why

as i said i got evidence that she intend to stop the contact and if that happens, it'll take ages to restore the contact through the court

if i stop the contact what can she do?

why cant she go to the court and put in c100 and formalize arrangements

i dont understand the system, are women allowed to do whatever they want?
 
AppleTV said:
so what i am understanding is that she can stop the contact but i cant? why

as i said i got evidence that she intend to stop the contact and if that happens, it'll take ages to restore the contact through the court

if i stop the contact what can she do?

why cant she go to the court and put in c100 and formalize arrangements

i dont understand the system, are women allowed to do whatever they want?
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She could do exactly that if you retain the child. But you’d be giving her evidence to use against you.

What is your reason? Because my child said she was gonna do xyz? There is no proof of anything.

If she stops contact with you without good reason, then you have the evidence to use against her.

Don’t give her or cafcass ammunition.
 
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thanks for your reply but as i said i got evidence, for obvious reasons i cant disclose here what exactly is the evidence, lets assume i do, what should i do, what are my options? i dont want to loose my kids till its sorted in the long court battle
 
AppleTV said:
thanks for your reply but as i said i got evidence, for obvious reasons i cant disclose here what exactly is the evidence, lets assume i do, what should i do, what are my options? i dont want to loose my kids till its sorted in the long court battle
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You file a c100 to formalise your child arrangements.
But don’t be surprised by the allegations and nastiness when you do.

But again, keeping the child by force, is not the best option, it is not going to be viewed at all well.
As you have said, she could pick up from school, so what are you suggesting? You’re going to deny an education too?

I understand that not seeing your kids is going to hurt, almost everyone here on this forum has been in that position.
But you’ve got to play smart, play the long game.
If you don’t act and behave whiter than white you may regret it in the long run when it’s all used against you.
 
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Hey cut the guy some slack. I get his point ! Sadly as in most of our cases contact has been cut from us and it’s ok. Kids are withheld etc. ( I dont think he has even implied it’s against his will )

Normally I’d say the same but why should he. If he send him back hos ex will cut contact and as we k ow it will take years to sort out with the system we are in.

What sucks is we all advise don’t do it or it will look bad on you ! And I’d have been the same . But when they do it the courts don’t seem to care. Mine even held him away from school to stop me picking him up. Zero repurcussions .. none. 18 mo the later I’m still in court so I empathise as like him. Sick of being the good guy. The bloody system is against us !
 
Scoobydoo said:
Hey cut the guy some slack. I get his point ! Sadly as in most of our cases contact has been cut from us and it’s ok. Kids are withheld etc. ( I dont think he has even implied it’s against his will )

Normally I’d say the same but why should he. If he send him back hos ex will cut contact and as we k ow it will take years to sort out with the system we are in.

What sucks is we all advise don’t do it or it will look bad on you ! And I’d have been the same . But when they do it the courts don’t seem to care. Mine even held him away from school to stop me picking him up. Zero repurcussions .. none. 18 mo the later I’m still in court so I empathise as like him. Sick of being the good guy. The bloody system is against us !
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Perhaps my posts came across as highly critical, they were more intended to be advice and point out the flaws in the plan.

I agree with you though, but we all know the system favours mothers not fathers.
The same game is played differently … very differently.
 
Unfortunately as the system is being led by a militant feminist ideology, they on the whole favour children being with mothers.
It doesn't matter what social services, cafcass and the courts say, they see dads as secondary parents.
There are anecdotal stories of dad's getting full custody. But generally it's mother's who get the lions share of having the kids.
All these types of women need to do is say "the father of my children used to abuse me and I'm worried he'll do the same to the kids" and the authorities need to investigate it.
It is indeed a rigged system.
 
Exactly ! For the record I think we should be the good guys ! It seems to pay off in the end mostly ( if children are not too old by the time it comes to a head ). But it makes you sick

The system needs massive reform and I hope it happens in most of your lifetimes .. I’m an older dad ! It probably won’t happen in mine and even if it does they will have beards … let work hard and hope for the new dads to be .. the ones in the night clubs / bars / cooking classes that look over with love. Impregnate said love not realising the shit storm brewing of this don’t work out. There will be many liaisons started this weekend

We need to act for them if nothing else ! … and the new ones on here. How I don’t know ! I’m scared of heights so not climbing up Big Ben !

To the op. Please know and I know it’s not much comfort yet. We feel for you. We are behind you. Please take the advice given here sir. As tempting as it is defending too hard from men seems to be seen as an attack ! Other way round they are listened too. It’s bullshit. You got to play the game
 
thank you boys for your input, kids are back with mom, i'll file the c100 asap now.

the honest truth is every time i try to start working on c100 and similar i fall into sleeping mode and just dont want to do anything, the lies and allegations used for nmo is still haunting me, its been 2 year i was made homeless, but lets see i think time has finally come to file c100 now, i trust my parenting, lets hope for a outcome suitable for kids and parents both.
 
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AppleTV said:
thank you boys for your input, kids are back with mom, i'll file the c100 asap now.

the honest truth is every time i try to start working on c100 and similar i fall into sleeping mode and just dont want to do anything, the lies and allegations used for nmo is still haunting me, its been 2 year i was made homeless, but lets see i think time has finally come to file c100 now, i trust my parenting, lets hope for a outcome suitable for kids and parents both.
Click to expand...

Expect her to play dirty, because she will, she has done before.
Whatever you do from here on out, be the perfect person, don’t reply, don’t bite, come here on this forum to vent.

Focus on nothing but the children in your communication.
Now you need to learn to master the game to come.
 
in the absence of any court order parent plan or literally anything, can i keep my daughter overnight for couple of nights each week ?? regardless of she likes it or not, the worst she can do is to stop contact at all, which as per you guys advise earlier will/should do in my favor when i file c100
 
If you would normally do so, and your daughter wants to stay, yes.
But should your ex communicate contact is stopping, stick to it.
 
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JayMC said:
If you would normally do so, and your daughter wants to stay, yes.
But should your ex communicate contact is stopping, stick to it.
Click to expand...

Thanks, sorry one more question, if we do what our ex told us to do, is it not we call controlling ? if fathers do it they call police to get us arrested
 
AppleTV said:
so what i am understanding is that she can stop the contact but i cant? why

as i said i got evidence that she intend to stop the contact and if that happens, it'll take ages to restore the contact through the court

if i stop the contact what can she do?

why cant she go to the court and put in c100 and formalize arrangements

i dont understand the system, are women allowed to do whatever they want?
Click to expand...
It's a very unfair system and yes it does tend to be weighted towards Mothers. I hear you completely - how is it alright for an ex to "stop contact" and get away with it, and not a Dad? But unfortunately, your ex only has to call the police and say you're dangerous, or take out an NMO and you would be seen as a dangerous man - because you're a man. It's unfair but it's the way it is.

The other thing is the courts would be against you as they'd see you as causing stress to the child and having them in the middle. Because essentially they see that children need Mothers (more than they need Fathers, which is also wrong).

It would indeed be stabbing yourself in the foot and if your ex makes allegations, you'd be treated as guilty until proved innocent.
 
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