Trouble Again :(

[StressedDad]

Hi All,

Shock, trouble yet again even though a revised more detailed contact order was approved by the judge.

Originally my ex was looking to restrict when I could take holidays with my child to a very specific two (separate) weeks in the summer. The other holidays are fine as set in stone almost but the judge didnt want to do the same in summer as it's such a long period and the judge said it's not reasonable to do the same in summer like my ex wanted as I cant guarantee I'll get those specific weeks off and we should be able to sort it ourselves.

So, it comes to arranging and she's basically saying no to anything but what she originally deemed acceptable in not so many words. Obviously not what is in the order, I can take 2 weeks together or separately so long as in summer holidays.

How best do I get around this without the need of pretty much going to court prior to every summer as that's not a viable solution and can only imagine what a judge would say?

To note, she never asks if it's ok to take her holidays - on occasion I'll get a message basically saying she is taking the holiday at X time, I don't get the option of saying that's not convenient etc but this is what she then says to me when I try to arrange something; should I take a more assertive approach and say 'This is the time I'm able to get off work so will have my summer holiday time then' rather than 'Can I take the holiday time on X date?'

Obviously I'd almost never say to her it wasnt convenient for her to take holiday time it's more the point of how childish she really is. I guess it makes it easier for her to be like that to me as she has residency

Mostly, instead of the above, I actually have to ask if she intends to take her holiday time on X week - there's just a severe lack of communication no matter how hard I try!

The contact order now states we both have to agree the holiday time by the start of the year annually so that's something at least.

Thanks again in advance for the help

 

[Ash]

That's because she has residency. She can do whatever she wants - as long as it's not over time your child should be with you. If it is then she needs your consent or she needs to offer alternative times.

What does the court order say exactly about holidays for you?

 

[StressedDad]

Hi Ash,

That's the thing, whenever she does have holidays it would be over my time as mine is at weekends but guess it's pedantic really but communication would be good.

The order specifically states for two weeks during the child’s school holidays in summer, parties to agree dates annually in advance on or before XX date.

But she's trying to force me down the 2 particular (separate) weeks in summer she wanted that suits her and she asked the judge to impose but he said absolutely not as it's not reasonable to expect me to get that time off work every year consistently.

Sorry, I'm just wary about being too specific about the date it mentions 'incase' she were to be snooping or her new partner was on the forum, they probably aren't but given previous behaviour it's made me overly cautious so she can't try to get one over on me.

 

[Ash]

I think what's important is the wording in the order. Whatever the Judge said - I've messaged you.

 

[Ash]

Ok. Your order is clearly defined and there should be no arguments. The dates for every week-end with you are clear. And that it is every week-end EXCEPT for two week ends in the summer (ie for the Mother to take a holiday presumably). And that child has 24 hours with you Christmas Eve to Christmas day this year, plus two weeks with you next summer, the dates for which need to be agreed before January.

Therefore all your ex needs to do is agree with you:

1) Which two weeks child will be with you next summer.
2) Which two weeks she wants the child for the summer (ie when you miss your two week-ends).

If she is being awkward I suggest you send this. Do not get into any toing and froing and arguments. Just send this. When she replies we can think how to respond next. To keep it brief, polite, formal and legal:

"Dear Ex Name

Under the court order dated xxxxxxx, it is ordered that our child spends two weeks during the summer holidays with me - the dates for which are to be agreed before January. It also states that I will miss two of my week-ends next summer (in order for you to have a two week holiday period also).

Please can we now confirm which two week periods our daughter is spending with me and with you next summer. That is all that is required of us. I ask that you fulfill your obligation under the court order dated xxxxxx - to agree those dates by January.

My proposal is for our daughter to be with me from x date to x date during the summer holidays in 2023. Please can you confirm if these dates are agreed."

Decide which two weeks you want and put that in. I'd suggest the middle two weeks but be prepared to accept something else.

It's important it's worded like that. As it's a kind of formal warning letter which you might need to use in future to show you have put her on notice that it's her obligation to follow the court order. It's polite enough that it doesn't sound threatening.

So it includes:

1) Notice that the court order states you have two weeks holiday in summer.
2) Asking her to fulfill her obligation to comply with the court order.
3) Seeks agreement to specific dates that you have proposed. She can either agree or not agree. If she agrees to those dates in writing she is supposed to keep to them and if she then doesn't you can apply for a specific issues order for those dates - because they were agreed in writing.

She is clearly avoiding committing to anything in writing.

From now on it's important you keep everything in writing (either text or email) as if you need to go back to get the holiday weeks defined you'll need to show a) how reasonable, formal and polite you've been and b) how obstructive she has been and how impossible it has been to get dates agreed.

Although it sounds very formal it spells it out very very clearly so she cannot claim any misunderstanding.