Travel costs, to bring my children to me. Car ownership costs!

[DadOfDaughters]

Hi, I'm new here so hoping I am posting in the correct place!
My soon to be ex wife is requesting that I pay towards the 'upkeep' of her car. She is the resident parent and chose to move my children over 60 miles from our established home. We have been separated for around 18 months and I moved out of our family home at her request just over a year ago, into a rental property a few miles down the road. When my tenancy was ending a year later we discussed what to do and agreed to sell the family home so we could both purchase new properties. My ex chose to hold onto her share of the proceeds and move in with her sister over 60 miles away. I reluctantly agreed as she is going to be the resident parent she wants to have the support of her family around her. I have now moved into my new home and she has decided to charge me upkeep costs for running her car. I am more than happy to pay towards fuel. The special circumstances are that I don't drive due to epilepsy so for me to see the children she needs to bring them to me. Our parental agreement is that I get to see me daughter's every other weekend Friday night to Sunday afternoon until she collects them. Plus half the holidays. I pay my CM (actually £100 more than the calculation) and also split the costs of uniforms, trips and extra activities. I understand that is we were going through CMS I would be able to claim what is known as 'contact expenses'. I pay her directly as mutual agreement so we can control the finances ourselves. My question is, am I actually liable for paying additional costs for the upkeep of her vehicle? She is requesting 40p/mile (including fuel). That's over £25 per trip. She has said she is willing to pay for one journey (a round trip of drop off and collect would be £50). But fuel for the entire round trip is roughly £20 based on her mpg, fuel price and mileage. So should I just be paying the fuel or her car upkeep as well? The car is owned, not on finance so we're talking costs towards servicing, tyres, depreciation etc.Sorry for the long message, I'm a little lost in the system! Many thanks for any advice!!!

 

[Resolute]

The rate of 40p a mile seems about in keeping with what an employer in the public sector would allow staff to claim if using their own vehicle for work related travel. I'd be inclined to bypass any basis for the calculation and just say you are happy to pay £25 for the round trip. You could pay it in fuel vouchers. This can be claimed from CMS as an expense - it is complicated.

Unless there is an order in place, you don't have to pay for the stuff on top of cms, uniforms etc. if the £25 make things tight, claw it back from there.

On balance, it is a pretty good deal for her to do the driving. How much would it cost for public transport or a cab? Think about any consequences before deciding to put your foot down.

 

[Jayy_]

I’d agree with Resolute here on treading carefully.

If it would cost or be more time consuming taking public transport / cab, I’d personally just pay to ensure she’s kept happy and drives down. She’s been probably the most reasonable I’ve seen on here by 1. Paying half of the cost 2. Driving the whole round trip

I’d advise to keep things amicable and reasonable. You do not want her to take back such a great offer!

 

[Ash]

If she is the "resident" parent - which she is with the current schedule and it seems to be accepted by both of you that she is - then technically you are required to do all pick ups and drop offs. If she is doing the driving then that is a bonus, and as the others say, it could be more expensive to have to use public transport (plus it would eat into your time).

So are we talking £25 a fortnight then? That isn't too bad.

I would separate this from CMS generally. What you have, basically, is a "family based arrangement" for CMS. An agreement that you pay £100 a month over the assessed rate plus share the cost of uniform.

If you want to go with a CMS assessment instead, and only pay what you're assessed, plus no extras - then that is one way of paying less, but it is bound to make her kick off and be difficult and she could just refuse to drive to do drop offs and pick ups at all.

So if you can manage to I would just leave things as they are and pay the fortnighly petrol she is asking for. This will only be during term time - less pick ups and drop offs during school holidays.

 

[Femto]

It sounds like you have a reasonable co-parenting relationship and to a point your ex is being reasonable - which seems pretty rare and it is worth working to keep things that way!

I'm not sure I'd agree with what @Ash says about being required to do all of the pickups and drop offs when from the 'resident' parent. Usually courts expect both parents to do their share of the logistics and typically in a child arrangements order its written that the 'receiving' parent collects (so eg you'd collect from her at the start of a weekend and she'd collect from you at the end).

Where one parent choses to move some distance away the onus to do the driving usually falls onto them.

 

[DadOfDaughters]

The rate of 40p a mile seems about in keeping with what an employer in the public sector would allow staff to claim if using their own vehicle for work related travel. I'd be inclined to bypass any basis for the calculation and just say you are happy to pay £25 for the round trip. You could pay it in fuel vouchers. This can be claimed from CMS as an expense - it is complicated.

Unless there is an order in place, you don't have to pay for the stuff on top of cms, uniforms etc. if the £25 make things tight, claw it back from there.

On balance, it is a pretty good deal for her to do the driving. How much would it cost for public transport or a cab? Think about any consequences before deciding to put your foot down.

It sounds like you have a reasonable co-parenting relationship and to a point your ex is being reasonable - which seems pretty rare and it is worth working to keep things that way!

I'm not sure I'd agree with what @Ash says about being required to do all of the pickups and drop offs when from the 'resident' parent. Usually courts expect both parents to do their share of the logistics and typically in a child arrangements order its written that the 'receiving' parent collects (so eg you'd collect from her at the start of a weekend and she'd collect from you at the end).

Where one parent choses to move some distance away the onus to do the driving usually falls onto them.

 

[DadOfDaughters]

Thank you all for your advice. We had an agreement that if she moved that far she would need to bring them back to me, it was part of my acceptance of her moving my girls all that way.
I think it's wise to keep her on side as you guys say but if she starts asking for more and more I'll need to rethink. I'm not a money tree there is a limit to what I can afford. It eats into the money I have to spend on activities with my daughter's when they do see me. I'm thinking about a fuel card as I can get one set up in her business name.
Thanks again, I've been rather lost in this maze of what is and isn't the right thing to do!

 

[Jayy_]

Thank you all for your advice. We had an agreement that if she moved that far she would need to bring them back to me, it was part of my acceptance of her moving my girls all that way.
I think it's wise to keep her on side as you guys say but if she starts asking for more and more I'll need to rethink. I'm not a money tree there is a limit to what I can afford. It eats into the money I have to spend on activities with my daughter's when they do see me. I'm thinking about a fuel card as I can get one set up in her business name.
Thanks again, I've been rather lost in this maze of what is and isn't the right thing to do!

Get the agreement in writing that is crystal clear including the reasons why she is driving i.e the agreement has been made due to her choosing to move far away.

Fingers crossed it never gets nasty but it is good to have things in writing incase there is ever a need for third party intervention. And generally for both parties to be completely aware of the agreement.

 

[Resolute]

The reason I recommend severing any link with the mileage is it protects you from a move to double the contribution.

So far she has done this:

It will cost me £20

Why don't I multiply that by 2.5 then offer to
pay half

Next move will be to come after you for the other half.