Guest viewing is limited

Time with the kids halved

J

Jules72

New member
Member
I know my story isn’t as desperate as some on here, but feel the need to get it off my chest.

Was married for 12 years, but divorced my ex due to her poor behaviour. She subsequently turns into a desperately bitter human being. I end up paying her massive monthly maintenance, while she sits at home (for the last 8 years) doing nothing…. Claiming that her job is being mother to my kids.

Over the years my time with the kids creeps shorter as she starts arranging things on my time. Holidays become a flash point as she refuses me time with them… end up paying more legal fees to force the issues.

Have other awful incidents where she refuses to let the kids leave the house to prearranged lunches and the like. She captures me arguing with her on video (not even swearing btw) and tries to get me into trouble with the police, saying lll lose my job and so on. The authorities ofc have no interest because there’s no sign I’ve done anything wrong.

As the years pass by and she continues to violate schedules and holidays, I decide to apply for a court order to force her to behave. I try to make compromises during the whole process but she makes no credible attempt to build any bridges. And yesterday, rather than having existing schedules and arrangements rubber stamped, I have my time with the kids reduced to 2 nights a fortnight from 4.

And there we have it… I’m discriminated against because I’m a hard working father… and yet ultimately, I’m not even the one responsible for any of this…. And, along with the kids, I’m the one who suffers.

I’ll appeal… will probably lose. But I will not give up.

The system is rigged, but then I’m sure you all know that. Thanks for listening 👍
 
JayMC said:
What was the reasoning for the reduction?
Click to expand...
I kind of blacked out after I heard the decision but I think it was “simplification”, “kids grow older and their needs change etc etc”.. will see the rationale on paper this week.

In truth, I could do stuff on a Saturday night now, can go on weekend trips and the like. But hardly a replacement for seeing my kids…
 
Peanut 21 said:
How old are the kids?
Click to expand...
10 and 12…

So so strange that I won’t see them every week… I have a fairly full life - girlfriend, friends, interests etc…. But hard to shake that feeling of emptiness from all of this… and the astonishment that the courts can make such damaging decisions
 
I'm really sorry. That is a rubbish decision. I assume that was based on Cafcass recommendations? Did you have magistrates for your final hearing? Are you still getting half the school holidays? The 12 year old, they will take their wishes seriously, but I'd have thought they'd have upheld the previous time - unless they thought there was a lot of conflict on both sides.

So how is two nights a fortnight supposed to work? Just one night ever other week-end? If it was magistrates then I'd appeal it.
 
Ash said:
I'm really sorry. That is a rubbish decision. I assume that was based on Cafcass recommendations? Did you have magistrates for your final hearing? Are you still getting half the school holidays? The 12 year old, they will take their wishes seriously, but I'd have thought they'd have upheld the previous time - unless they thought there was a lot of conflict on both sides.

So how is two nights a fortnight supposed to work? Just one night ever other week-end? If it was magistrates then I'd appeal it.
Click to expand...
It wasn’t cafcass- they emphasised there are no concerns… there was one magistrate and I don’t get half the holidays because I need to be at work.

It’s every other weekend… problem is, in order to appeal it, really I need to my kids to express a wish to revert to the old schedule and they don’t refer not to say anything. My ex bullies them over their views, and my daughter is 12 years old and is going through puberty - partly because my ex has poisoned them, she can’t stand my girlfriend (no fault of the latter… she has been very kind to my kids)… so my daughter probably would express a wish for more regular visits.

So I’m kind of stuck….
 
It sucks but as long as the kids keep coming to see you there is hope.
They'll be teenagers before you know it. And hopefully they'll have enough strength to defy their mother and start seeing you independently from her control.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ash
Sorry my Maths was out earlier :-) I think your kids will start to notice less time with you and may try and get more. 12 is only a couple of years before they can start asserting themselves more. But 10 is still quite young.

So what did Cafcass recommend? Same time as before? I still think I'd appeal the magistrates decision, on the basis it's not in the childrens best interests, they need what they're used to - both parents involved in school life and supporting them, the youngest is only 10 and will struggle with the change and argue that the childrens wishes were expressed wishes, not ascertainable wishes, and these are their Mother's wishes.
 
Sorry to hear this.

Sounds like a textbook case of parental alienation.

Could you sit down with the kids and ask if there's anything they'd like which may change their minds. You mention conflict between daughter and gf, appreciate this is being driven from elsewhere but is this an angle to consider if practical.

I think this is quite common. As the kids get older exs start to pull the rug knowing that they've done enough damage to get the results they want at court.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top