Hi. Sorry to hear this. When you say she has alienated your daughter from you, do you mean your ex is witholding her, or is your daughter actively rejecting you/refusing to be with you?
However, the court route is the only way really, if she won't be reasonable. And in fact it's better to have a Child Arrangements order befiore finances are done, so your ex can't use your daughter as leverage over financial agreements.
It's usually better to get Child Arrangements sorted first, party for this reason. a) to ensure your relationship with your child and b) to be in a stronger position over financial arrangements so you get a fair deal.
The court route would mean that you have to try mediation first. Legally, the only requirement is to have attended a MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment meeting). This is the first meeting which you go to on your own, explain the situation and the mediator gives you info about mediation. The mediator will then want to invite your ex to the next session. If you agree.
A couple of things there. While it's good to try mediation, in some cases you know the ex is hostile already. What often happens is, once invited to mediation, the ex delays or cancels and more time is wasted and then the mediator signs you off to apply to court. The slightly risky thing at that point is that it's fairly common knowledge (especially if your ex has a solicitor) that if a Dad starts mediation it's because he's intending to apply to court, so it can actually give your ex advance warning, and she could put her own application in first and wrong-foot you at the outset.
There is an option just to say to the mediator at the MIAM that you don't want to mediate and just ask to be signed off so you can apply to court. Mediators don't like this so they will persuade you to try mediation, If you do decide to try it then I'd suggest having your C100 application for Child Arrangements, already completed and ready to go, before you start mediation. Then as soon as your ex refuses or doesn't show up, you can get signed off and send the application of immediately.
The process for applying is you submit a C100 form - there are two resources on how to complete this in the Legal Resources section on here. Top bar on computer and on mobile you'll find it in the hamburger menu (3 bars top left).
The 5b section is quite important - your reasons for applying. There is a sample 5b in Legal Resources for guidance.
The process after that is. When your application is processed, court papers are issued and you get a telephone interview with Cafcass. This is a very important part of the process and you need to be careful to be child focused and not criticize the ex. ie telling Cafcass your ex is alienating your daughter isn't a good idea. And especially not using the term parental alienation as it has become a loaded term due to negative media coverage. It's better to just describe what's happening, what the difficulties are and that you just want your daughter to have happy loving homes with both parents.
After the interviews with both you and ex, Cafcass will produce a safeguarding letter with recommendations. It then sometimes goes to a gatekeeping hearing (parents don't attend) between Cafcass and a Judge and further court papers can be issued with a date for a first hearing usually.
So it can be quite a few weeks (or even 3 months or more) between submitting your application and getting a first hearing. So the sooner it's submitted the better. The first hearing dispute resolution appointment (FHDRA) is an opportunity to see if parents can reach an agreement - negotiations can happen at court, before going before the Judge or Magistrates. Usually negotiations only happen if both sides are represented by lawyers. If agreement is reached then a consent order can be drawn up and it goes no further.
Ex's often don't want to agree - and then it can go to a final hearing with statements and evidence and the court makes a decision on what order to make.
That is if it is all simple and straightforward. If your ex makes any serious allegations against you, sometimes a fact finding hearing can be ordered to establish if the allegations are true or not. This can very much delay the process and it go on for longer than a year. However, allegations can be dismissed without a fact find. But if both parents make allegations against each other, it usually goes to a fact find - hence it's better not to accuse the ex of anything or it might just be seen as hostility and mud slinging. Then Cafcass see it as "conflict between parents" which they consider harmful to the child so there's more likely to be a fact find.
Anyway. This is why the initial call with Cafcass is so important - to try and keep the process simple and get to the end goal of a Child Arrangements order without the ex and her lawyer causing delays - which they are motivated to do, to drag things out in the hope you'll give up and go away.
It's a shame it's cost you so much over the financial hearings as ideally you would want to try to fund a direct access barrister for the hearings to ensure you get the best order and to ensure the ex's side and their tactics don't take hold and cause delays. You can represent yourself but deciding whether or not to do that might depend on the outcome of the Cafcass safeguarding letter.
In a way it's a fairly simple process - but there are pitfalls you need to avoid. It's not about justice or being fair. The court looks at the best interests of the child. The best interests of the child are to have regular and significant time with both parents - providing there are no welfare issues. What that means is welfare issues with you. Because Cafcass will never take the child away from the Mother (unless she commits some serious crime, on drugs or alcoholic and arrested or if social services have removed the child from her).
So the process is really jumping through hoops until you get to a final hearing, to prove you're a good Dad. Cafcass see a good Dad as one who doesn't criticize the Mother and is child focused.
Edit - posted at the same time as Peanut. And I forgot to mention Interim time/orders at first hearing. This usually needs the ex to agree to it but if you have a direct access barrister representing you, they may be able to persuade the court to make an order for interim time with your child even if the ex doesn't agree. If the ex has made allegations of abuse then interim time might only be in a contact centre until the allegations have been looked into or dismissed.
We can help you along the way, to avoid any pitfalls.
Also just to add - the family court hearings for Child Arrangements have nothing to do with the legal/financial aspects of divorce. The court aren't interested to know about that aspect at all - it's purely about Child Arrangements.
I would suggest that you
a) Start filling in a C100 now
b) Google family mediators in your area, phone round them and get an early appointment for a MIAM (some Dads have used online mediation services also).
Guide to completing the C100 form
