Hello everyone, I’m glad to have somewhere to post my story. Hopefully I can help others down the line, but for now my journey has only just begun.
I was with my ex partner up until last year, our daughter was born early in 2023 and our relationship was seemingly normal. We are both quite young (27). At the time, we were planning to move in together. I was in the process of buying a house for our family, I have a decent job and provided everything we needed. Our relationship had some issues, mainly on my her side as she had some trauma from an ex boyfriend who supposedly used to hurt her. I caught her a few times looking at photos of him etc, but it was too late as by this point she was pregnant so I turned a blind eye.
3 months after our daughter was born, I found text messages to her friends explaining that she had cheated on me with her ex just before she got pregnant. She was literally laughing about it with them, saying that if it had happened a month after then she wouldn’t have even known who our daughter belonged to. I was heart broken, and couldn’t understand why this happened. I never even looked at another woman, never laid a finger on her, gave her everything that I could and yet still did what she did. The weird thing was, the first thing that came to my mind wasn’t what had happened to me… but what would become of our family and my relationship with my daughter. Long story short, she was barely sorry and basically told me ‘s*** happens, get over it’.
After I found out, she didn’t let me see my baby for a month. She said that if I don’t reconsider getting back together with her, I couldn’t see her again etc. I lied to her and told her I needed time to think, and for the rest of the year we remained separated but I was allowed to stay over at hers (sofa) most weekends, and the others I’d be allowed to have her over at mine. I did this because I knew if I didn’t, id miss my daughter growing from a baby to a toddler and I guess I was prolonging the inevitable. As we went into the new year, we started to discuss separation properly and what it would entail. She wanted one weekend, and the other I’d have our daughter at mine. I didn’t see this as fair, because I’d basically only see my daughter for 2 weekends a month, and she wasn’t offering me any weekdays either.
Things turned nasty, she attacked me twice (luckily I video recorded one of the incidents). I was also paying her £500 per month, and she was demanding more money from me, making threats if I didn’t pay etc.
Over the next few months things changed massively. She wouldn’t let her stay over at mine anymore, I was only allowed to see her every 2 weeks if I was lucky, my days with her got cut down to 4-6 hours per time etc. I knew it was eventually going to become nothing, so in June 24’ I filed my c100. I explained what happened, and noted that I would represent myself. She then cut me off completely, and I haven’t heard from her or seen my daughter since July.
I messaged and called every few days, but heard nothing back. I got a call from the police in late August telling me that she had gone to them to file a complaint for harassment, the police basically laughed it off and told me not to worry about it as they had seen the texts/calls and I had done nothing wrong. In the same month, she got herself a solicitor via legal aid and we both were contacted by CAFCASS for our safe guarding calls which we completed the same month.
The CAFCASS officer was nice, and I got on well with her. She informed me that in July my ex partner had gone to social services for help (makes no sense, all of her family live on the same road as her and are very involved). The officer sent me her draft statement, which showed her to be very much on the fence due to different narratives and she recommended a section 7 and/or fact finding hearing. I then got in touch with a solicitor, and bit the bullet of the cost. £3000 for initial hearing, £5000 if it goes to fact finding and £3000 for a final hearing. Overall £11,000 potential for legal costs.
My solicitor made sense of the situation with the social workers and the police being informed about me, the ONLY way to get legal aid now is to claim domestic abuse. In this case, not physically only emotional. She claimed that I have harassed her, and put pressure on her to see our daughter etc. I know my hands are clean, I’m really not the type and in fact I’ve been the victim of emotional and physical abuse.
Her solicitor responded to my allegations of financial/physical/emotional abuse, saying that due to my claims against her I shouldn’t be allowed to see my daughter again. Outrageous, I know. Little do they know I was taking videos, voice recordings etc along the way. Most of the situation for over a year has been documented by myself without the knowledge of my ex partner, which will do me a lot of justice.
Initially my c100 stated that I wanted 50/50, as our daughter needs both parents. I stated that even though she is violent towards me and would potentially bring violent ex/new partners around our child, I would still attempt to co parent with her. However, as she is seeking full custody against me and has alienated me as a parent, it has forced my hand and I am now asking for the same as she is.
CAFCASS have since revised their statement, and recommended that we attempt to co parent. They have also said that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t see my daughter, and that interim contact is recommended. If my ex has an issue with this, I can be supported by a family member for hand overs etc. Oh, she also accused me of neglect. Saying that i gave her a cheese sandwich (lunch box at a farm outing once) instead of a proper meal, and i dropped her back late once so therefore im unable to look after a child. Totally bonkers.
This situation has been terrible, especially since I have always played by the book and everybody in my life knows that my daughter has always been my number 1 priority. And always will be.
I have my first hearing this week, so I hope it goes well. I know these things are unpredictable, but let’s see what happens.
If anybody has any advice, or thinks I have missed anything that may benefit the situation.. please let me know!
I was with my ex partner up until last year, our daughter was born early in 2023 and our relationship was seemingly normal. We are both quite young (27). At the time, we were planning to move in together. I was in the process of buying a house for our family, I have a decent job and provided everything we needed. Our relationship had some issues, mainly on my her side as she had some trauma from an ex boyfriend who supposedly used to hurt her. I caught her a few times looking at photos of him etc, but it was too late as by this point she was pregnant so I turned a blind eye.
3 months after our daughter was born, I found text messages to her friends explaining that she had cheated on me with her ex just before she got pregnant. She was literally laughing about it with them, saying that if it had happened a month after then she wouldn’t have even known who our daughter belonged to. I was heart broken, and couldn’t understand why this happened. I never even looked at another woman, never laid a finger on her, gave her everything that I could and yet still did what she did. The weird thing was, the first thing that came to my mind wasn’t what had happened to me… but what would become of our family and my relationship with my daughter. Long story short, she was barely sorry and basically told me ‘s*** happens, get over it’.
After I found out, she didn’t let me see my baby for a month. She said that if I don’t reconsider getting back together with her, I couldn’t see her again etc. I lied to her and told her I needed time to think, and for the rest of the year we remained separated but I was allowed to stay over at hers (sofa) most weekends, and the others I’d be allowed to have her over at mine. I did this because I knew if I didn’t, id miss my daughter growing from a baby to a toddler and I guess I was prolonging the inevitable. As we went into the new year, we started to discuss separation properly and what it would entail. She wanted one weekend, and the other I’d have our daughter at mine. I didn’t see this as fair, because I’d basically only see my daughter for 2 weekends a month, and she wasn’t offering me any weekdays either.
Things turned nasty, she attacked me twice (luckily I video recorded one of the incidents). I was also paying her £500 per month, and she was demanding more money from me, making threats if I didn’t pay etc.
Over the next few months things changed massively. She wouldn’t let her stay over at mine anymore, I was only allowed to see her every 2 weeks if I was lucky, my days with her got cut down to 4-6 hours per time etc. I knew it was eventually going to become nothing, so in June 24’ I filed my c100. I explained what happened, and noted that I would represent myself. She then cut me off completely, and I haven’t heard from her or seen my daughter since July.
I messaged and called every few days, but heard nothing back. I got a call from the police in late August telling me that she had gone to them to file a complaint for harassment, the police basically laughed it off and told me not to worry about it as they had seen the texts/calls and I had done nothing wrong. In the same month, she got herself a solicitor via legal aid and we both were contacted by CAFCASS for our safe guarding calls which we completed the same month.
The CAFCASS officer was nice, and I got on well with her. She informed me that in July my ex partner had gone to social services for help (makes no sense, all of her family live on the same road as her and are very involved). The officer sent me her draft statement, which showed her to be very much on the fence due to different narratives and she recommended a section 7 and/or fact finding hearing. I then got in touch with a solicitor, and bit the bullet of the cost. £3000 for initial hearing, £5000 if it goes to fact finding and £3000 for a final hearing. Overall £11,000 potential for legal costs.
My solicitor made sense of the situation with the social workers and the police being informed about me, the ONLY way to get legal aid now is to claim domestic abuse. In this case, not physically only emotional. She claimed that I have harassed her, and put pressure on her to see our daughter etc. I know my hands are clean, I’m really not the type and in fact I’ve been the victim of emotional and physical abuse.
Her solicitor responded to my allegations of financial/physical/emotional abuse, saying that due to my claims against her I shouldn’t be allowed to see my daughter again. Outrageous, I know. Little do they know I was taking videos, voice recordings etc along the way. Most of the situation for over a year has been documented by myself without the knowledge of my ex partner, which will do me a lot of justice.
Initially my c100 stated that I wanted 50/50, as our daughter needs both parents. I stated that even though she is violent towards me and would potentially bring violent ex/new partners around our child, I would still attempt to co parent with her. However, as she is seeking full custody against me and has alienated me as a parent, it has forced my hand and I am now asking for the same as she is.
CAFCASS have since revised their statement, and recommended that we attempt to co parent. They have also said that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t see my daughter, and that interim contact is recommended. If my ex has an issue with this, I can be supported by a family member for hand overs etc. Oh, she also accused me of neglect. Saying that i gave her a cheese sandwich (lunch box at a farm outing once) instead of a proper meal, and i dropped her back late once so therefore im unable to look after a child. Totally bonkers.
This situation has been terrible, especially since I have always played by the book and everybody in my life knows that my daughter has always been my number 1 priority. And always will be.
I have my first hearing this week, so I hope it goes well. I know these things are unpredictable, but let’s see what happens.
If anybody has any advice, or thinks I have missed anything that may benefit the situation.. please let me know!
